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I like this.


:O)


I will use this.




Oh, please don't believe that, pasajes.  I was so focused on finding and fixing that I lived a life very different than the one I might have risked reaching for.  In the end?  I learned what I learned.  Given that we have such troubled children, we are probably among the most loving, committed parents on the planet.


You did nothing to cause this, pasa.


You loved your child.




Not to steal thunder here?  But mine has been calling.  And she keeps calling.  At first, I answered.  Then, I stopped answering.  I feel rude to continue doing that, so I will be picking up again, I just know it.  husband says that without a victim to take down, the dynamic between my mother and my sister doesn't work as well.


It's confusing.


I don't want to think about it, but find that I am.




Or during any get together.




I seem to walk around regretting that I did not do whatever it was better in pretty much every aspect of my life.  I am noticing this about myself, and just trying to accept that real humans strive for and may attain happiness, contentment, joy...but probably, not approval.


Not unlimited approval, especially not from ourselves.  I know all the dark and creaky places, the times I did not do the right thing ~ or did the right thing for the wrong reasons.


It's a funny thing, but I am beginning to see that those values ~ happiness, contentment, joy...those things are free for the taking.


Approval, on the other hand, is very pricey. 


Like any addiction.


Cedar


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