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Having a harder time with this transistion
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 395663" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>The shift from parenting a child to parenting an adult can be a very difficult one. I actually started when my kids were in junior high, which made it a smoother and easier transition for all of us. It was nothing special really, I just pulled back on what I was and wasn't doing for them which increased more and more as they approached that 18th birthday. By 17 I was basically doing nothing but supervising and giving advice when it was wanted.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion if you would like for difficult child to spend the night on xmas eve, then ask her. Holidays were exceptions to punishments and the like in our family simply because they're special and it made keeping them special easier. She's old enough to understand you're making an exception only because of the holiday and it does not extend to the rest of the year. Just as she is old enough to understand that a visa card is a gift suited to her better and of course a child still living at home is going to have presents under the tree. And if she can't understand it, it's her problem not yours.</p><p></p><p>Napping doesn't necessarily mean she's using, although I understand that gut reaction totally. But with her drifter life such as it is it could simply mean she had no where to sleep the night before and was exhausted. </p><p></p><p>You're doing a good job of keeping adult boundaries in place. </p><p></p><p>Keep in mind too that difficult child is learning how to be an adult instead of a child, and that is just as hard. Also she and you both are learning how to fit into your new roles. There are going to be some glitches along the way and many bumps in the road before it evens out.</p><p></p><p>How I'd have handled the nap...........I would have woken her up and had her go downstairs as any proper guest would do. I would not have tried hard not to assume or read extras into the behavior. (does not mean that it couldn't happen cuz I'm human lol) I'd have calmly explain to her that no longer living there means she is a guest when she comes over, and you expect her to act like a guest. Redirecting the behavior without anger actually has more impact and avoids the ugly difficult child response usually. </p><p></p><p>hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 395663, member: 84"] The shift from parenting a child to parenting an adult can be a very difficult one. I actually started when my kids were in junior high, which made it a smoother and easier transition for all of us. It was nothing special really, I just pulled back on what I was and wasn't doing for them which increased more and more as they approached that 18th birthday. By 17 I was basically doing nothing but supervising and giving advice when it was wanted. in my opinion if you would like for difficult child to spend the night on xmas eve, then ask her. Holidays were exceptions to punishments and the like in our family simply because they're special and it made keeping them special easier. She's old enough to understand you're making an exception only because of the holiday and it does not extend to the rest of the year. Just as she is old enough to understand that a visa card is a gift suited to her better and of course a child still living at home is going to have presents under the tree. And if she can't understand it, it's her problem not yours. Napping doesn't necessarily mean she's using, although I understand that gut reaction totally. But with her drifter life such as it is it could simply mean she had no where to sleep the night before and was exhausted. You're doing a good job of keeping adult boundaries in place. Keep in mind too that difficult child is learning how to be an adult instead of a child, and that is just as hard. Also she and you both are learning how to fit into your new roles. There are going to be some glitches along the way and many bumps in the road before it evens out. How I'd have handled the nap...........I would have woken her up and had her go downstairs as any proper guest would do. I would not have tried hard not to assume or read extras into the behavior. (does not mean that it couldn't happen cuz I'm human lol) I'd have calmly explain to her that no longer living there means she is a guest when she comes over, and you expect her to act like a guest. Redirecting the behavior without anger actually has more impact and avoids the ugly difficult child response usually. hugs [/QUOTE]
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