having a problem balancing work and home

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Apr 8, 2009.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    so i openly admit it i'm having a problem balancing work and home. ahhh i feel better i said it. i have been struggling for a while now balancing it. everyone says (at work) that it is very overwhelming initially and takes a while to learn how to juggle it all.

    yet when i started no one mentioned how i'd be out of the house 2 nights a week on visits, nor how in a mos. i'd be required to run a support group from the office another night a week.

    it's great in a sense 5 days a week i'm able to start my day after i drop difficult child at school, and 3 days a week i pick up both kids from school and get to spend time with them two of those days than i head back off to work again till 8 or so. imiss dinner with-them. i hate that. dinner to me is so so important.

    i said to myself before i started i won't be one of those ppl who put others kids before my own, i will find my balance. well, i'Tourette's Syndrome been a little over 3 mos i have yet to find my balance with-it.

    the ppl i work with are great, they truly are and it makes it that much more worth it, the families truly need the program another plus that we're in there diong some good. yet my kids i get very torn two nights a week when i walk out on them. it takes a while to refocus myself and justify what i am doing by leaving them.

    i actually told my boss sorry but tuesdays are off limits she said to me well maybe you could alternate them. i said no i won't do them bottom line my difficult child's therapy is that night and so is our counseling later that night and our date night once a mos. tuesdays a big night lol.

    they just throw out their demands and expect them to be met. also i now have vacation time. i took a day today due to dr thing, yet even though you take vacation you still have to make your monthly quota. so their constantly cramming that down your throat the quota, your numbers, emails, things in my mailbox etc. after a while you just want to scream.

    let's not even get into the issues i walk into and how they can trigger me from time to time. i'm handling it well, yet boyfriend has said thati have had a few nightmares on certain nights after being with-certain clients.

    ok i feel better i'v shared this now. i'm eating up boards with-my junk past few days sorry. see i'm making up for lost time. :)
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    You are still NEW to this job. 3 months is SOON to be able to juggle it all. After a year you will be much more able to handle it all. You still may be somewhat torn about missing dinner, so maybe those days you can have dinner right after school and a snack later?

    thank you has dinner about 4:30-5:00 several days a week. Scouts are now at 5:30 and so is something else. And he just will NOT eat after 6:30 or so. Never has. So he gets dinner, even if on the fly, early. It doesn't hurt him.

    Otherwise, make breakfast that important meal. Get up earlier, scramble some eggs or make muffins the night before or even just serve cereal and milk, and sit and catch up with the kids. You can make that your time to reconnect and have family time. It will go smoother if the school stuff is all ready to go and the lunches are ready and clothes laid out the night before. But it is do-able.

    Or have a late night snack with the girls if you can still get them to bed after you get in. Or do early dinner with difficult child and late snack with easy child - then they EACH get special time! And you would connect with them both and still be able to meet your commitments.

    (I learned these from my mom. Sometimes she had to teach night classes, or teach classes in a town 75 miles away. So we had "dinner" at whatever time worked with the rest of our schedule that semester.)

    You also ahve to relax your standards some. The housework can be done a little less well, or you can have someone come in to help each week or every other week. Dinner can be planned on the weekend, and all shopping done then to save time (with food for specific meals labelled with the night and meal on the package).

    Be gentler with yourself. You really don't have to do everything perfectly. And now that you are working, boyfriend and the girls need to pick up the slack. Esp where they can be responsible for themselves. Like easy child doing her own laundry (or even ALL the laundry). Give her the option of washing 2 loads every night (including folding/hanging and putting away) OR doing it all on the weekend between Sat at X am and Sun at Y pm. (My bro was doing ALL the family laundry at age 13). Depending ont he time, laundry sould be taken to the laundry room by each family member by Z time on Sat.

    This is a process you are in. It is a HUGE adjustment. It is going to take more than a few months, esp with your work demands changing after you started.

    Hand in there - You can do it!
  3. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Oh Jena - I am SOOOO glad that you posted this. I just took a full time position about a week ago. Until I finish my senior semester of college (3 more weeks) I am only working 3 full days per week - and then it's 40 hours plus the commute, plus being on call. Needless to say I am exhausted and completely and utterly overwhelmed.

    When do I get groceries? When do I scrub the bathrooms? When do I go for my walks? When do I ever read a good book? When do I get a mammogram?

    Another working woman told me that it takes about a year to get into a rhythm. So, I am trying to heed that advise and just give this period of adjustments a year.

    I have a hard time asking for help around the house. I'm just gonna have to swallow my pride and ask. We are just going to have to relax the standards a little too.

    I reassure myself with the knowledge that millions and millions of women work outside the home full time and do manage it all somehow. We can do it to.
  4. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    The balance is tough. And it does take about a year.

    It is true that some things will change. we don't have dinner together mostly because of activities. But we did get in the habit of the bedtime snack. It all started with difficult child's medications interrupting is sleep. So we all had Tea and a biscuit together before bedtime. It be came our catch up time. It was better for me because I truly was able to relax. I found at dinner I was still running my list of things to do.

    I have also found that it takes a year Occupational Therapist (OT) ride the highs and lows of a job. At one point, job knowledge increases and I feel I run the job rather than the job running me.

    Still there are times when the balance is off. But now both my children and my boss know that priorities shift and it does all get done.

    About reading a book, well, I read in line at the supermarket sometimes. and between events at the track meets..

    hang in there.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks guys.

    susie thanks great tips there. I do make breakfast almost every morning, either pancakes, or muffins or whatever difficult child wants. easy child leaves early for school, so boyfriend drives her two days a week i drive her the other 3.

    i try to do dinner early those days yet it is very hard. i get in wtih difficult child at 4 from school i try to start dinner, than i get into hw with her before i know it dinners done its' 520 and i have to walk out to get to appointment on time.

    the job is very intrusive. i do paperwork on weekends, my phone rings when i'm home. it's all consuming.

    I've gotten the food shopping down pat that's early sat. a.m.'s when i drop easy child at her job at 8 a.m. cleaing i do sat morning as well, and now i've assigned boyfriend the laundry i can't finish. i don't mind cleaning, or food shopping.

    i just hate missing dinner with-them and after dinner. it's a long run it's like 5 ish till 8 ish i'mgone. i get back just in time to spend a small amt of time with-difficult child and than put her to bed.

    see thing is monday and wednesday we have his kids, so it's crazy. tuesdays we have therapy and boyfriend's home so the dynamic is different. thursday adn friday really are our only "us" nights. I miss out on alot not being around especially thursday nights. i really do. I look at difficult child and i see that face i love so much and her unbelievable strength and it screws my head up when i'm walking out on her to go help some other family when she needs me. sorry dramatic i'm not feeling great today lol. yet that's how it feels.

    goldenguru - asking for help is huge so go ahead and ask, i did same i thought i was superwoman yet we deserve help. i gaveout list of chores to kids and their actually doing it and i praise them for it. kids love structure it's odd but they really do.

    yes you can def do it yet don't burn out like i did inititally thinking i could do it all. as far as reading yup lizz is right on line at supermarket lol! That's when i catch up.

    Lizz that's great that you seem to truly have your balance and are accepting when your balance sways a bit and is off. its good your boss is understanding as well. that's huge. the tea and biscuit thing is way too cute and great idea.

    we do snack every night together. it's just difficult child really needs that extra support from me when she doesn't get it she isn't good. my job i'm finding has no heart the ppl i mean, supervisors. my boss is great, she's a really good person yet she has so many ppl pushign her for numbers so shehas to push me. they do not care about sickness, etc. they truly don't. they want numbers and they don't care how you get it. it's a little scary. you'd think with what i'd do their understanding would be more, yet i'Tourette's Syndrome less.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I know a headhunter who has worked with many people in many different positions countrywide all with different personalities. It is very difficult to figure out if a position is right for you this early on. This friend of mine always tells people to give it at least one year before expecting thier personal and professional lives to find their own groove. Through trial and error, you will figure out how to make it all work.

    However, that said, you also need the support and UNDERSTANDING of your personal family/friends. Without that, you're on your own. As long as you have laid down specific boundaries with your boss and your family, that is a start.

    And the other thing the headhunter has also said...sometimes we choose jobs because it seems like something that we really want to do - in this case, "Help others who are in similar situations as yourself - because you understand what it's like". However, after the honeymoon period is past, we sometimes discover that the position is not what we thought and that it interferes with our psyche. I'm not trying to dissuade you in any way....just saying that deciding after a reasonable amount of time that this is not the position for you should not be looked upon as a failure, so please don't look at it that way.

    Give it some more time. Use your down time and family time well. Create a schedule and do a lot of planning ahead. Find ways to let the day's troubles roll off your back before heading home to your own family. You can do some deep breathing exercises and a 5 minute meditation right in your car before heading home. I find that I am completely a mess when I bring my troubles from work home with me. I know it's difficult at times to leave it all at work, especially when you're bringing actual work home with you, but I think you will find your balance. It's tough and it's still very early in the game. Hugs ~
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh Jo you are soo wise :)

    i do plan everything, i have a dry erase board on refrigerator am very organized, all chores get done by all now, boyfriend is jumping on board slowly lol.

    the rest of it well, my main issue is the evening that they are telling me i have to work and that i have no choice. right now i have two nights a week i have ppl, now i have a new case that requires night attention only due to nasty case manager saying so, i told her sorry i'm gone two nights a week already i have support group coming up their pushing me to do and now i do not have another free night. mom doens't work so i'll see her during day.

    she said oh well you'll have to figure it out. yea ok lol. i said do you have kids? she said no. i said interesting and walked away. witch!

    i've cut the night calls down the icc's are starting to get to know my life and are beginning to understand that updates at 8 or 9 p.m. are not acceptable and i wont' do that. my cell has to be on 24/7 yet i won't answer it now after a certain time. it was getting out of control and triggering difficult child bad. i'd walk in door and cell would be going off.

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Maybe on the nights you're out, you could have dinner going in a crockpot. All you'd have to do then is dish it up, and you could eat together before you had to leave. Enlist family help as much as possible. I'm a fine one to be saying this, because I don't ask for help very well, and it took several illnesses/injuries all in a row before I got the hint. It's great that the kids are already following their lists!

    When I was working full time, I multi-tasked as much as I could. I'd put a load of laundry in, and then fix breakfast. The clothes were done by the time we left, then when I got home, they went in the dryer and I started another load.

    You'll find your balance eventually...just don't wear yourself out in the process. How are you feeling?

  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    mary my crockpot scares me!! LOL i'm so serious. i think about using it but it's quite intimidating looking :)

    your right, that's an idea. i think it's the "time" with the girls that kills me that i'm missing. those thursday night dinners are soo cool. we sit at the table and most of the time eat and than still sit and talk, soo much can be learned at dinner. i've tried eating at 4:30 with them it's not the same, their not relaxed they know i'm leaving and i know i'm leaving. it stinks basically. i'm just waiting out these ppl to get out of the program lol. than i'll get a new set of ppl going on.

    i've got the chore list thing going on, both kids are doing great with-pitching in. ive been home this week due to a biopsy being done and i do feel carppy and lazy yet i've had time with-kids and also time to come back on here and just be around.