When I have weeks like this, I just sit and wonder why I'm bothering with-the medications. Today with-difficult child 1 was the same kind of day we had before we got the whole ball rolling. And this past Wed. it was the same thing with-my difficult child 2. Although, husband does correctly point out that these days have become the exception rather than the rule in our lives, like in the past. But there always *something* that will always keep it from being "normal". Sigh.... on Wednesday, I had a play date over for my son, although he's our neighbor's son and is really friends with-both difficult child 1 and difficult child 2. Well, as always I'm on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop during play dates. I even took them all to ice cream because it's a great time killer. then I sat outside and chased all the balls that went in the street for them. Then difficult child 2 starts working up because he wants to go the neighbor friend's house to trampoline. I gently say that that wasn't going to work for that day, but that we'd set something up for later in the week. Well, the defiance and temper tantruming slowly start. So, the neighbor friend's mom got home early, so they did have time to trampoline. The neighbor kid is such a great kid, he of course wanted difficult child 1 to come along (I could see why because difficult child 2 wasn't exactly being so nice). Well, WWIII broke out. difficult child 2 didn't want difficult child 1 to go - he wanted the friend to himself. It just spiraled out of control from there - raging, hitting his sister, etc... I try SO hard to give them all of the support they need, but I freely admit I didn't handle things as well as I could of that day. I stay calm and try to reason and work through it all, but sometimes, I snap. Today, it was difficult child 1's turn. She has been complainy and whiny and in general impossible to deal with-and just a bit nasty. I mean, I schlepped her to a little cooking class with-her friends, took her shopping and bought her 2 swimsuits and a cover up, and she got nasty when I wanted 10 minutes to just browse in a store I like. Same thing happened later when we were trying to come up with-dinner plans. She didn't want to go out - the rest of us did, and she screamed and yelled and was just plain mean. I sent her to her room to settle down, and she stayed up there scream-crying for quite some time. This kind of behavior went on today on and off all day. At least I was able to maintain a little more balance for myself today. I could see she needed hugs and consoling, so we did some snuggling and I got her into a warm tub. She seems better now. I feel so badly because I'm trying so hard to raise my kids to be kind, friendly, likable people who care about others. I just feel like I'm failing. Today, difficult child 2 yelled at his own team's goalie at soccer because the other team was getting quite a few goals against him. I was just appalled. Who does that?! We talked with-him afterward and maybe it's just because he's young (8) and just starting out in sports and didn't realize that's bad sportsmanship. But I didn't see other kids acting that way. Luckily, I don't think it was that obvious to most people, but I sure saw it. I feel like my kids just don't care about anyone but themselves. And their reactions when they don't get their way is so over the top and without concern for others. I'm just really so down. I went to my own dr. because I can see my depression has worsened. A lot. It's harder for me to model good behavior because I'm just so sad and upset about this stuff. Luckily the kids have appts. with-the therapist and psychiatrist this week. I thought we had made great strides with-the medications for the kids, but I can clearly see we just aren't there yet. Will we ever be?