This is emotional blackmail. He is trying to manipulate the situation. I urge you to be very careful when he makes comments like this. If it were me, I would respond something like this "yes, we did let him stay here but in hind site it was not the best choice for him or us and we will not repeat this with you"
Here's the thing, if you or your husband give into him to get him to stop begging and whining, he wins. He has now figured out how to manipulate you. I might be willing to buy a bus pass so he could look for work but there is no way I would pay to support his smoking habit.
This is where having strong, firm boundaries in writing will help. "we will not give you money to buy cigarettes, if you don't like this feel free to live somewhere else"
I know this may sound harsh but the longer he gets away with it, the longer he will continue to get away with it.
You should only be cooking for you and your husband. He is a grown man, now married, not working, and he still expects his mother to cook for him. Again, boundaries.
Hang in there Origami. Take some time to reflect and gather your thoughts. Sit down with your husband and make a list of your expectations and from there you can come up with a list of boundaries.
