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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 746435" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Copa, I feel so bad for you that he did this again. I understand the confusion about the “why” of it. It’s like if we can figure out why then we can figure out a way to change the outcome next time or at least understand this behavior that’s so foreign to us.</p><p></p><p>Just my feeling on this, I doubt very much that he has any kind of “long game” intentions. Like I don’t think he’s trying to wear you down until you just cave and give him whatever he wants. I feel that’s not happening because he doesn’t have a “long game” for anything else so why would he in this case.</p><p></p><p>The fact that he makes plans to see you seems to mean he wants to or at the very least believes he should meet with you. But considering he’s made plans a couple of times and flaked out at the last moment it would seem that until something changes for him outside of his relationship with you he’s not going to meet with you.</p><p></p><p>Only speaking from my situation, I feel I am a trigger for my son. I think when he has contact with me he feels all of the loss he has created for himself in his life, and then doesn’t feel good about himself. Even though I’m sure he knows I love him more than anyone else he also knows I have simple expectations of him that he’s fallen down on drastically. I believe that uncomfortable feeling then quickly morphs into why it’s all my fault so he doesn’t have to feel bad about himself. And then some chaos ensues.</p><p></p><p>I have tried and failed with my son so many times, if you are a fool then I’m a senior member of that club. I’ve finally figured out that I can’t do anything to help my son. He will accept no guidance from me, none, and actually will fight against anything I suggest. So I’ve dropped the rope, no more tug of war, I am trying very hard not to get pulled back in. All I have left is to pray to my higher power to send some guidance in the form of a person who can actually have a positive influence on him. Sounds like a pretty slim chance when I write it down but then I’ve seen my son bring so much luck to himself over the years I think there could be a pretty good chance. Just like your son, people seem to like my son and come through for him in ways that have surprised me, especially because he’s been such jerk to me in the last few years.</p><p></p><p>I hope you have a way of distracting yourself so you can get some space to have some peace. At these times I tell myself no matter what I do for myself it’s not going to make things worse for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 746435, member: 22840"] Copa, I feel so bad for you that he did this again. I understand the confusion about the “why” of it. It’s like if we can figure out why then we can figure out a way to change the outcome next time or at least understand this behavior that’s so foreign to us. Just my feeling on this, I doubt very much that he has any kind of “long game” intentions. Like I don’t think he’s trying to wear you down until you just cave and give him whatever he wants. I feel that’s not happening because he doesn’t have a “long game” for anything else so why would he in this case. The fact that he makes plans to see you seems to mean he wants to or at the very least believes he should meet with you. But considering he’s made plans a couple of times and flaked out at the last moment it would seem that until something changes for him outside of his relationship with you he’s not going to meet with you. Only speaking from my situation, I feel I am a trigger for my son. I think when he has contact with me he feels all of the loss he has created for himself in his life, and then doesn’t feel good about himself. Even though I’m sure he knows I love him more than anyone else he also knows I have simple expectations of him that he’s fallen down on drastically. I believe that uncomfortable feeling then quickly morphs into why it’s all my fault so he doesn’t have to feel bad about himself. And then some chaos ensues. I have tried and failed with my son so many times, if you are a fool then I’m a senior member of that club. I’ve finally figured out that I can’t do anything to help my son. He will accept no guidance from me, none, and actually will fight against anything I suggest. So I’ve dropped the rope, no more tug of war, I am trying very hard not to get pulled back in. All I have left is to pray to my higher power to send some guidance in the form of a person who can actually have a positive influence on him. Sounds like a pretty slim chance when I write it down but then I’ve seen my son bring so much luck to himself over the years I think there could be a pretty good chance. Just like your son, people seem to like my son and come through for him in ways that have surprised me, especially because he’s been such jerk to me in the last few years. I hope you have a way of distracting yourself so you can get some space to have some peace. At these times I tell myself no matter what I do for myself it’s not going to make things worse for him. [/QUOTE]
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