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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746486" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am coming to believe that I have betrayed myself, or more to the point, I have not measured up.</p><p></p><p>It may be that I did my best, but I want to support my son and I want to be there for him. I threw him out of the property to make a point, to set a limit. He needed the protection of that apartment, and he needed my support.</p><p></p><p>He cannot do better than that, or he would have. But I recognize I could not do better either, or I would have.</p><p></p><p>But I can grow. I can do better.</p><p></p><p>He can too. But the question is this: will adversity change him or will support?</p><p></p><p>It is not only will that determines a perso'ns choices and life path. It is capacity. And few can do it alone.</p><p></p><p>I did. But I did at great cost, Maybe I was not strong enough to seek real support. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>My son still is not responding.</p><p></p><p>I am wanting to cede. I think that M's willingness to take responsibility by living with my son at the apartment, is a blessing.</p><p></p><p>My son may not accept this, because it is too accountable. But I am thinking that I need to offer this.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing that this is what I want. I may not be capable of this, that is clear. But I can grow into it.</p><p></p><p>The lack of boundaries, the lack of confidence that I can negotiate, that I can communicate in an effective way...all of those lacks are in me.</p><p></p><p>I feel a deep shame that I could not be there for my son. That I was not big enough.</p><p></p><p>For now, there is nothing to do. I did text my son a couple of times, and it is radio silence.</p><p></p><p>Oh. How hard this is for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746486, member: 18958"] I am coming to believe that I have betrayed myself, or more to the point, I have not measured up. It may be that I did my best, but I want to support my son and I want to be there for him. I threw him out of the property to make a point, to set a limit. He needed the protection of that apartment, and he needed my support. He cannot do better than that, or he would have. But I recognize I could not do better either, or I would have. But I can grow. I can do better. He can too. But the question is this: will adversity change him or will support? It is not only will that determines a perso'ns choices and life path. It is capacity. And few can do it alone. I did. But I did at great cost, Maybe I was not strong enough to seek real support. I don't know. My son still is not responding. I am wanting to cede. I think that M's willingness to take responsibility by living with my son at the apartment, is a blessing. My son may not accept this, because it is too accountable. But I am thinking that I need to offer this. I am seeing that this is what I want. I may not be capable of this, that is clear. But I can grow into it. The lack of boundaries, the lack of confidence that I can negotiate, that I can communicate in an effective way...all of those lacks are in me. I feel a deep shame that I could not be there for my son. That I was not big enough. For now, there is nothing to do. I did text my son a couple of times, and it is radio silence. Oh. How hard this is for me. [/QUOTE]
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