Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
He didn't show
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746490" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I spoke with him. I called his friend and my son answered the phone.</p><p></p><p>I can say that I don't think my son sought to hurt me. I think he is disorganized and he thinks in the moment. He reacts to my getting upset and he gets defensive and falls on his sword. In his head he does not think there's a problem he should arrive late. He really does not understand. Or does not want to understand.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking this is the same thing with the rent. He just really does not get it that there should be a problem paying rent in dribs and drabs. He does not seem to get the idea of accountability and responsibility. Or does not want to get it.</p><p></p><p>I did tell my son that I wanted us to work together for a way that he could come back. And that to me that's what my trips were about. I told him how hurt I was when he did not show.</p><p></p><p>I could not help myself and I did ask if he had done anything about his health. He said that he would go to the medical center tomorrow and actually get the paper with the lab results and he would bring them to me when we met and explain them. I suggested he get another blood draw tomorrow. I know in my heart that there is a 2 percent chance he will follow through. But at least he is getting the concept and it makes me feel better he volunteered.</p><p></p><p>He KNOWS what I want and he is volunteering to meet it. This is progress. Even if he doesn't do it. For now.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure than my son absorbs that M has moved out and that should my son come back that they would be living together. I did tell M before I called my son that I was coming to the position that I wanted my son back. All M said was that I needed to think about it.</p><p></p><p>Regarding meeting, (honestly. I can't beliecebim writing this) i told my son I was willing to consider another meeting, but I would not leave my house (let alone town) until he was in place<u> in the town, at the precise location</u> where we would meet. That <u>he</u> could wait for me there. And that I was willing to try that. I guess. That he could decide upon a time and place, confirm it with me, go there, and call me, and only then would I travel. I guess I would do that. I believe still that we need to talk.</p><p></p><p>I think this whole thing, these 6 months, has been about me getting boundaries and voice, in a deep sense. But the thing is my son is not dangerous to me or destructive to me. He is not mean to me. </p><p></p><p>I should be equipped to negotiate with him and relate to him without this extreme acting out <em>ON BOTH OF OUR PARTS. </em>I can set that as a goal that I achieve those skills.</p><p></p><p>I think that there would have been another way to handle things with him. When he saw I was serious about his paying rent and that I would no longer play, <em>he wanted to pay the rent</em>.<em> I refused to accept it</em>. Had I been stronger and operating from the present, I would have accepted the rent, and continued to be in relationship and conversation with him.</p><p></p><p>I did not need to make this so huge.</p><p></p><p>Maybe something good has come out of this, I don't know. Well. I do know that I was motivated to get serious therapy to deal with my own longstanding problems and to change.</p><p></p><p>My son's friend said that J continues to sleep in his truck. He is keeping his blankets in there and he is not being messy. He says my son has stopped arguing with people on the street. He says his mood seems stable and upbeat. But he says my son is still involved with the conspiracy theories. He says except for this he's normal. (???)</p><p></p><p>I feel much better to be speaking with my son. It has been a long time since we have spoken rather than texting. It was good to speak. I can relax for a while.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very, very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746490, member: 18958"] I spoke with him. I called his friend and my son answered the phone. I can say that I don't think my son sought to hurt me. I think he is disorganized and he thinks in the moment. He reacts to my getting upset and he gets defensive and falls on his sword. In his head he does not think there's a problem he should arrive late. He really does not understand. Or does not want to understand. I am thinking this is the same thing with the rent. He just really does not get it that there should be a problem paying rent in dribs and drabs. He does not seem to get the idea of accountability and responsibility. Or does not want to get it. I did tell my son that I wanted us to work together for a way that he could come back. And that to me that's what my trips were about. I told him how hurt I was when he did not show. I could not help myself and I did ask if he had done anything about his health. He said that he would go to the medical center tomorrow and actually get the paper with the lab results and he would bring them to me when we met and explain them. I suggested he get another blood draw tomorrow. I know in my heart that there is a 2 percent chance he will follow through. But at least he is getting the concept and it makes me feel better he volunteered. He KNOWS what I want and he is volunteering to meet it. This is progress. Even if he doesn't do it. For now. I am not sure than my son absorbs that M has moved out and that should my son come back that they would be living together. I did tell M before I called my son that I was coming to the position that I wanted my son back. All M said was that I needed to think about it. Regarding meeting, (honestly. I can't beliecebim writing this) i told my son I was willing to consider another meeting, but I would not leave my house (let alone town) until he was in place[U] in the town, at the precise location[/U] where we would meet. That [U]he[/U] could wait for me there. And that I was willing to try that. I guess. That he could decide upon a time and place, confirm it with me, go there, and call me, and only then would I travel. I guess I would do that. I believe still that we need to talk. I think this whole thing, these 6 months, has been about me getting boundaries and voice, in a deep sense. But the thing is my son is not dangerous to me or destructive to me. He is not mean to me. I should be equipped to negotiate with him and relate to him without this extreme acting out [I]ON BOTH OF OUR PARTS. [/I]I can set that as a goal that I achieve those skills. I think that there would have been another way to handle things with him. When he saw I was serious about his paying rent and that I would no longer play, [I]he wanted to pay the rent[/I].[I] I refused to accept it[/I]. Had I been stronger and operating from the present, I would have accepted the rent, and continued to be in relationship and conversation with him. I did not need to make this so huge. Maybe something good has come out of this, I don't know. Well. I do know that I was motivated to get serious therapy to deal with my own longstanding problems and to change. My son's friend said that J continues to sleep in his truck. He is keeping his blankets in there and he is not being messy. He says my son has stopped arguing with people on the street. He says his mood seems stable and upbeat. But he says my son is still involved with the conspiracy theories. He says except for this he's normal. (???) I feel much better to be speaking with my son. It has been a long time since we have spoken rather than texting. It was good to speak. I can relax for a while. Thank you very, very much. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
He didn't show
Top