Annie, I found this forum when my son was 32 (33 now). You know, as I do, that this is waaaaay past time for an adult offspring to be cussing you, blaming you, demanding help---for a life he/she has not made work. By now, it is obviously their poor choices and has nothing to do with us.
husband and I detached and life has gradually, but surely, gotten better. Do we still talk about our difficult child every single day? Yes. Do we want things to be different? Yes. Do we still feel culpable? NO.
It is time, Annie. Please stay close to this board. It is a lifeline.