I am 60 years old and he will be 33 next month. what is wrong with this picture..
Annie, please take a minute to read through the information on detachment posted at the top of the P.E. forum.
The information in that piece will teach you how to begin to see your situation differently and eventually, to end it.
Very much so. Terrorizing you, biting bits and pieces out of you, turning the love you feel for your own child into a kind of poison that is killing you.
www.patriciaevans.com
Verbally Abusive Relationship
Verbal Abuse
I refuse to send any money.
I also refuse to send money. In addition, I told my son he knew better than to do what he was doing, that he had been raised better than to do what he was doing, and that I expected him to stand up, to become the man his father and I raised him to be.
Er...except for one Facebook response? He hasn't spoken to me since.
Ahem.
if we don't give in, they will figure it out.
And if we do give in, Annie...they will never figure it out. We need to back away from our adult kids so they can step into their manhoods, lest they be worthless to themselves and to everyone else.
You do not deserve being put through that mental abuse. That is exactly what it is. He is trying to control you and your reactions. Take away all the power he "thinks" he has and change the numbers.
As you read with us Annie, as you post here, you will rediscover your power. Part of what happens for most of us is that we realize that none of the good things we did for our kids as they slipped into whatever their lives consist of now helped anyone.
We realize, as you are now, that the "kids" are all grown up, and have taken over our lives. We get it that we are loving adults with the same passion, protectiveness, and self sacrifice that were appropriate only when they were young children.
It is a long path, but there is freedom, without guilt, at the end of it.
if I didn't answer he would just call family members and play on heart strings. I suggest you take yourself out of it and change numbers now or do so,etching so he doesn't feel power over you.
I agree.
nnie, I found this forum when my son was 32 (33 now). You know, as I do, that this is waaaaay past time for an adult offspring to be cussing you, blaming you, demanding help---for a life he/she has not made work. By now, it is obviously their poor choices and has nothing to do with us.
I agree.
Do we still talk about our difficult child every single day? Yes. Do we want things to be different? Yes. Do we still feel culpable? NO
I am working through feeling responsible for what happened. It becomes a balance between anger and compassion. We've lost so much, we've been through so much; we were so innocent, once. It makes me crazy, understanding that most parents are never hurt this way.
t is time, Annie. Please stay close to this board. It is a lifeline.
The only changes that will happen are the ones you make. The only responses that will change anything are the ones you change. Change your responses. Better yet, refuse to have any responses. A 33 year old man who continues badmouthing his mother, disrespecting his mother and then asking for a handout is an abomination. There are boys 12 years younger then your son, dying in battle.
It was hard for me to see my son for the grown up, adult, male person he is. I continually superimposed his toddler face, or his adolescent face, or his baby face, even. I loved him like a mother loves her sons. But for us to love our sons the way everyone else is able to love theirs is dangerous to us.
At 33, your son will have real whiskers...some of them gray. His hair will be thinning. His face will have lines. As you picture him as he is Annie, you will get it that the son in your heart, the little boy you are saving at the cost of your own life, looks nothing like the big dope abusing you.
I was so surprised, when I got that piece.
The next step was realizing that I was not helping that man who was not behaving like a man, by treating him like he was not capable of creating a life for himself.
So, I stopped helping him do that.
As noted above? He is not talking to me. This would be a sadness, if my son were the man I raised him to become.
He is not yet that man.
He is abusing you. What he is doing is abuse.
Yes.
Do an online search regarding the dynamics of abuse, Annie. The Patricia Evans information I referenced above will be a great place to start.
In all the time spent calling you he could be looking for a job.
Halleluiah!
e are in our 60's, this behavior from our kids is completely unacceptable.
Completely. It's almost an obscenity, when you think about a man (or woman) in the prime of his life
demanding money from his own mother.
He is (as is my son) supposed to be protecting you, cherishing you.
It's time for him to grow his own life
Yep.
Welcome, Annie.
Cedar
