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He just does not get it
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 629680" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Annie, please take a minute to read through the information on detachment posted at the top of the P.E. forum.</p><p></p><p>The information in that piece will teach you how to begin to see your situation differently and eventually, to end it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Very much so. Terrorizing you, biting bits and pieces out of you, turning the love you feel for your own child into a kind of poison that is killing you.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.patriciaevans.com" target="_blank">www.patriciaevans.com</a></p><p></p><p>Verbally Abusive Relationship</p><p>Verbal Abuse</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I also refuse to send money. In addition, I told my son he knew better than to do what he was doing, that he had been raised better than to do what he was doing, and that I expected him to stand up, to become the man his father and I raised him to be.</p><p></p><p>Er...except for one Facebook response? He hasn't spoken to me since.</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And if we do give in, Annie...they will never figure it out. We need to back away from our adult kids so they can step into their manhoods, lest they be worthless to themselves and to everyone else.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>As you read with us Annie, as you post here, you will rediscover your power. Part of what happens for most of us is that we realize that none of the good things we did for our kids as they slipped into whatever their lives consist of now helped anyone.</p><p></p><p>We realize, as you are now, that the "kids" are all grown up, and have taken over our lives. We get it that we are loving adults with the same passion, protectiveness, and self sacrifice that were appropriate only when they were young children.</p><p></p><p>It is a long path, but there is freedom, without guilt, at the end of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am working through feeling responsible for what happened. It becomes a balance between anger and compassion. We've lost so much, we've been through so much; we were so innocent, once. It makes me crazy, understanding that most parents are never hurt this way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It was hard for me to see my son for the grown up, adult, male person he is. I continually superimposed his toddler face, or his adolescent face, or his baby face, even. I loved him like a mother loves her sons. But for us to love our sons the way everyone else is able to love theirs is dangerous to us.</p><p></p><p>At 33, your son will have real whiskers...some of them gray. His hair will be thinning. His face will have lines. As you picture him as he is Annie, you will get it that the son in your heart, the little boy you are saving at the cost of your own life, looks nothing like the big dope abusing you.</p><p></p><p>I was so surprised, when I got that piece.</p><p></p><p>The next step was realizing that I was not helping that man who was not behaving like a man, by treating him like he was not capable of creating a life for himself.</p><p></p><p>So, I stopped helping him do that.</p><p></p><p>As noted above? He is not talking to me. This would be a sadness, if my son were the man I raised him to become. </p><p></p><p>He is not yet that man.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. </p><p></p><p>Do an online search regarding the dynamics of abuse, Annie. The Patricia Evans information I referenced above will be a great place to start.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Halleluiah!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Completely. It's almost an obscenity, when you think about a man (or woman) in the prime of his life <em>demanding money from his own mother</em>.</p><p></p><p>He is (as is my son) supposed to be protecting you, cherishing you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep.</p><p></p><p>Welcome, Annie. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 629680, member: 17461"] Annie, please take a minute to read through the information on detachment posted at the top of the P.E. forum. The information in that piece will teach you how to begin to see your situation differently and eventually, to end it. Very much so. Terrorizing you, biting bits and pieces out of you, turning the love you feel for your own child into a kind of poison that is killing you. [url="http://www.patriciaevans.com"]www.patriciaevans.com[/url] Verbally Abusive Relationship Verbal Abuse I also refuse to send money. In addition, I told my son he knew better than to do what he was doing, that he had been raised better than to do what he was doing, and that I expected him to stand up, to become the man his father and I raised him to be. Er...except for one Facebook response? He hasn't spoken to me since. Ahem. And if we do give in, Annie...they will never figure it out. We need to back away from our adult kids so they can step into their manhoods, lest they be worthless to themselves and to everyone else. As you read with us Annie, as you post here, you will rediscover your power. Part of what happens for most of us is that we realize that none of the good things we did for our kids as they slipped into whatever their lives consist of now helped anyone. We realize, as you are now, that the "kids" are all grown up, and have taken over our lives. We get it that we are loving adults with the same passion, protectiveness, and self sacrifice that were appropriate only when they were young children. It is a long path, but there is freedom, without guilt, at the end of it. I agree. I agree. I am working through feeling responsible for what happened. It becomes a balance between anger and compassion. We've lost so much, we've been through so much; we were so innocent, once. It makes me crazy, understanding that most parents are never hurt this way. It was hard for me to see my son for the grown up, adult, male person he is. I continually superimposed his toddler face, or his adolescent face, or his baby face, even. I loved him like a mother loves her sons. But for us to love our sons the way everyone else is able to love theirs is dangerous to us. At 33, your son will have real whiskers...some of them gray. His hair will be thinning. His face will have lines. As you picture him as he is Annie, you will get it that the son in your heart, the little boy you are saving at the cost of your own life, looks nothing like the big dope abusing you. I was so surprised, when I got that piece. The next step was realizing that I was not helping that man who was not behaving like a man, by treating him like he was not capable of creating a life for himself. So, I stopped helping him do that. As noted above? He is not talking to me. This would be a sadness, if my son were the man I raised him to become. He is not yet that man. Yes. Do an online search regarding the dynamics of abuse, Annie. The Patricia Evans information I referenced above will be a great place to start. Halleluiah! Completely. It's almost an obscenity, when you think about a man (or woman) in the prime of his life [I]demanding money from his own mother[/I]. He is (as is my son) supposed to be protecting you, cherishing you. Yep. Welcome, Annie. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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