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He ripped my shirt off!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 365754" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This is exactly the time he NEEDS hospitalization. There is no way that he can be kept safe and other family members can be kept safe while he is in a private home. He NEEDS to be somewhere where he cannot harm himself or anyone else. It is very fortunate that he did not turn his rage on his sister or even himself. The next time he rages you will need to call 911 and ask for transportation to a psychiatric hospital for a mentally ill child who is violent. I know it is hard. I hate that it is needed for any child at any time. I am also thankful that it is available because it IS needed.</p><p></p><p>Call your insurance company and ask how they handle this. Even if they don't, you still NEED to have him hospitalized. If he has a psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician you NEED to call them tomorrow morning and let them know how serious this is. Make sure they know that this is not something that can be handled at home. If there is a few days wait for a bed then ask the doctor for a prn medication to give if he starts to get upset. We used risperdal as a prn for my son at one time. When I could see he was starting to get upset or he was doing all he could to pick a fight with anyone then we used the prn as a way to defuse him. It is NOT a "fix" but it can help keep everyone safe until a bed is available. Others have used klonopin, seroquel, even xanax as a prn. </p><p></p><p>Sending him to the hospital does NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT mean you "failed" him. It means he needs more resources than a home can provide. It is hard, esp on the parents. Often the difficult children thrive in the extreme structure of the psychiatric hospital. They know that they will be stopped if they try to hurt anyone.</p><p></p><p>This may sound strange, but each time we put my son in the psychiatric hospital he hated it and appreciated it. He was scared of what he might do in a rage. I was terrified he was going to kill or seriously harm one of us and have to live with the guilt for the rest of his life. I have a friend who's little bro killed a man the week he got his driver's license. It was NOT his fault - the teen and two friends were all dressed in black and biked across the road less than 10 feet in front of the car. One friend was injured and the man was killed. It haunts him every day even now, 25 years later. </p><p></p><p>Of course my friend's bro was a easy child. difficult children would be even harder to help with something like that. On his non-rage moments my son could be very caring. He didn't express it well but he feels things very deeply. I could not imagine how he would cope with the inevitable guilt he would feel after he had hurt someone seriously in a rage. As it is I have nerve damage in one hand caused by him during a rage. I do not hold him responsible. I could see that he was totally unable to control himself at the time. It was almost 7 years ago and he still will hold that hand and rub it and give it a kiss to make it better. If he sees any sign that it hurts he then ends up beating himself up emotionally even though he knows I don't blame him. </p><p></p><p>This guilt is something many of us wonder if our kids can feel. I honestly think most of them do feel it on some level although they may not be able to express it or even admit it to themselves. Some may refuse to face it and act as though they don't feel it, but I think truly not feeling it is quite rare. I have always felt that it was part of my job as a mom to make sure my children grow up with as little of that soul-crushing guilt that comes from truly having hurt a family member as is possible. It is one reason I have stressed safety so much with my husband and kids. </p><p></p><p>Please try to get hospitalization for your child. It may take a LOT of phone calls. The facility may not be close to your home. We felt we were lucky to have only had to drive 90 minutes or so to the psychiatric hospital. It is frustrating but worth it if it gets help for your child. repeated visits may be needed. It is really hard. Just keep trying.</p><p></p><p>Above all else, please do not let your son and daughter be alone with each other out of your sight. I know it is hard, but safety comes first. Read up in the archives about safety plans. Work out what should happen when your son rages. Where does your daughter go? What does she do if he is hurting you? If he knocks you out or seriously hurts you? Make sure that she has access to a phone so that she can call 911 if needed. Plan out when she should call and have her do a rehearsal (you pretend to be the 911 operator). If needed, make sure she can go into a room and lock the door to call 911. Keep a cell phone or cordless phone in your pocket at all times so that you can call if needed. Don't be afraid to lock yourself into a room or bathroom to protect yourself. I am sure your family would prefer to have everything you own broken rather than to have you hurt. </p><p></p><p>If your son ends up hurting your daughter it may be reported to children's services. Having a written safety plan that is posted and rehearsed will go a LONG way toward satisfying children's services that you are doing all the right things.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you hurt so much. Hopefully you will be able to find a bed and some intensive help in the very near future. We are always here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 365754, member: 1233"] This is exactly the time he NEEDS hospitalization. There is no way that he can be kept safe and other family members can be kept safe while he is in a private home. He NEEDS to be somewhere where he cannot harm himself or anyone else. It is very fortunate that he did not turn his rage on his sister or even himself. The next time he rages you will need to call 911 and ask for transportation to a psychiatric hospital for a mentally ill child who is violent. I know it is hard. I hate that it is needed for any child at any time. I am also thankful that it is available because it IS needed. Call your insurance company and ask how they handle this. Even if they don't, you still NEED to have him hospitalized. If he has a psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician you NEED to call them tomorrow morning and let them know how serious this is. Make sure they know that this is not something that can be handled at home. If there is a few days wait for a bed then ask the doctor for a prn medication to give if he starts to get upset. We used risperdal as a prn for my son at one time. When I could see he was starting to get upset or he was doing all he could to pick a fight with anyone then we used the prn as a way to defuse him. It is NOT a "fix" but it can help keep everyone safe until a bed is available. Others have used klonopin, seroquel, even xanax as a prn. Sending him to the hospital does NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT mean you "failed" him. It means he needs more resources than a home can provide. It is hard, esp on the parents. Often the difficult children thrive in the extreme structure of the psychiatric hospital. They know that they will be stopped if they try to hurt anyone. This may sound strange, but each time we put my son in the psychiatric hospital he hated it and appreciated it. He was scared of what he might do in a rage. I was terrified he was going to kill or seriously harm one of us and have to live with the guilt for the rest of his life. I have a friend who's little bro killed a man the week he got his driver's license. It was NOT his fault - the teen and two friends were all dressed in black and biked across the road less than 10 feet in front of the car. One friend was injured and the man was killed. It haunts him every day even now, 25 years later. Of course my friend's bro was a easy child. difficult children would be even harder to help with something like that. On his non-rage moments my son could be very caring. He didn't express it well but he feels things very deeply. I could not imagine how he would cope with the inevitable guilt he would feel after he had hurt someone seriously in a rage. As it is I have nerve damage in one hand caused by him during a rage. I do not hold him responsible. I could see that he was totally unable to control himself at the time. It was almost 7 years ago and he still will hold that hand and rub it and give it a kiss to make it better. If he sees any sign that it hurts he then ends up beating himself up emotionally even though he knows I don't blame him. This guilt is something many of us wonder if our kids can feel. I honestly think most of them do feel it on some level although they may not be able to express it or even admit it to themselves. Some may refuse to face it and act as though they don't feel it, but I think truly not feeling it is quite rare. I have always felt that it was part of my job as a mom to make sure my children grow up with as little of that soul-crushing guilt that comes from truly having hurt a family member as is possible. It is one reason I have stressed safety so much with my husband and kids. Please try to get hospitalization for your child. It may take a LOT of phone calls. The facility may not be close to your home. We felt we were lucky to have only had to drive 90 minutes or so to the psychiatric hospital. It is frustrating but worth it if it gets help for your child. repeated visits may be needed. It is really hard. Just keep trying. Above all else, please do not let your son and daughter be alone with each other out of your sight. I know it is hard, but safety comes first. Read up in the archives about safety plans. Work out what should happen when your son rages. Where does your daughter go? What does she do if he is hurting you? If he knocks you out or seriously hurts you? Make sure that she has access to a phone so that she can call 911 if needed. Plan out when she should call and have her do a rehearsal (you pretend to be the 911 operator). If needed, make sure she can go into a room and lock the door to call 911. Keep a cell phone or cordless phone in your pocket at all times so that you can call if needed. Don't be afraid to lock yourself into a room or bathroom to protect yourself. I am sure your family would prefer to have everything you own broken rather than to have you hurt. If your son ends up hurting your daughter it may be reported to children's services. Having a written safety plan that is posted and rehearsed will go a LONG way toward satisfying children's services that you are doing all the right things. I am sorry you hurt so much. Hopefully you will be able to find a bed and some intensive help in the very near future. We are always here for you. [/QUOTE]
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