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He Wants To nNow Why I'm Mad At Him
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 532288" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Not doing something again may be very difficult or even impossible for him. And it doesn't really do him any good to teach him to promise not to do it ever again - and then do it again five minutes later.</p><p></p><p>He is still young and these are difficult matters for anyone. And extra difficult for difficult children. And I'm sorry, but I'm not sure, that you 'not doing anything for him' in return really helps him learn that well. It of course may be effective, but I do know it wouldn't have taught my difficult child a thing. He would have just had one more pity party for himself because mom was mean to him and life sucked. He did need much more concrete guideing when he was 13 and quite a bit after that, I'm afraid.</p><p></p><p>So in our house it was more like:</p><p>"You hurt my feelings and I feel bad and unrespected." "Sorry is not enough to make it right. It is now your job to make up what you said and make me feel better and respected again. Until that you can not do/have this, that and that." "You can make me feel better and respected by making for example thing x, thing y and/or thing z. You can choose yourself which one is the most apporiate to the situation. It may also help, if I felt you would be working on how to not behave that often like you did this time in future. Maybe you could come up with why you said what you said and how you could have handled it differently. If you get stuck, dad may help you to figure it out with you."</p><p></p><p>At times it did work, at times not so much.</p><p></p><p>Hugs! Bratty teens blow!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 532288, member: 14557"] Not doing something again may be very difficult or even impossible for him. And it doesn't really do him any good to teach him to promise not to do it ever again - and then do it again five minutes later. He is still young and these are difficult matters for anyone. And extra difficult for difficult children. And I'm sorry, but I'm not sure, that you 'not doing anything for him' in return really helps him learn that well. It of course may be effective, but I do know it wouldn't have taught my difficult child a thing. He would have just had one more pity party for himself because mom was mean to him and life sucked. He did need much more concrete guideing when he was 13 and quite a bit after that, I'm afraid. So in our house it was more like: "You hurt my feelings and I feel bad and unrespected." "Sorry is not enough to make it right. It is now your job to make up what you said and make me feel better and respected again. Until that you can not do/have this, that and that." "You can make me feel better and respected by making for example thing x, thing y and/or thing z. You can choose yourself which one is the most apporiate to the situation. It may also help, if I felt you would be working on how to not behave that often like you did this time in future. Maybe you could come up with why you said what you said and how you could have handled it differently. If you get stuck, dad may help you to figure it out with you." At times it did work, at times not so much. Hugs! Bratty teens blow! [/QUOTE]
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