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Heading toward a nervous breakdown.. just a little one..
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<blockquote data-quote="sunxstone" data-source="post: 352084" data-attributes="member: 8297"><p>Wow.. thank you all for being so understanding and supportive!!! difficult child is having a good day today, no battles yet and it's 7:30 pm (knock on wood!)</p><p></p><p>Getting this all out really helped me to focus and I gained a few steps today.. difficult child's caseworker is going to drive us to a walk-in evaluation/medication appointment first thing tomorrow morning. It will really help to have her there and help me articulate what I need to share with the doctor. I also copy/pasted a prelim custody agreement I found online, reworded it for our situation and gave it to my ex to look over. So far he's been very civil regarding the divorce, I just hope he stays that way. We are doing it ourselves, uncontested. I can't bring myself to fully trust him with his history, and the custody/parenting agreement has me really stressed out. What if I leave out something important? easy child chose to stay here with him, and we agreed to abide by her choice, with the provision that if she ever changes her mind she will be allowed to come stay with me in California. In a way, the time in between now and summer will do us good with difficult child and hopefully allow us to get him settled and more stable before she comes to stay. I think she wants some time to herself without having to fight constantly, and I'm supporting that. She needs some time for herself. </p><p></p><p>If we can find a residential placement for difficult child in California I absolutely will place him if at all possible. I'm trying to get help from ex regarding the SSI/medicaid situation (his mom got bank bonds in difficult child and easy child's name, put us over the allowed limit by 1800$, and now I owe them 8000$, by their math. I don't get it..), and he keeps telling me he's going to get copies of the bonds from the bank to prove we did cash them in, but other than saying yes, yes, he will, he's not, and he hasn't. He took me off the account so I can't get to them. :/ I keep stressing that I need to get this situation taken care of so that I can get services for difficult child, but he really doesn't care. difficult child is no longer his problem. difficult child is dealing with his step dad giving up on him and moving 1500 miles away from where he's grown up.. I know difficult child is stressed, too and it's not helping everything else. I'm just hoping that when we get there and he has stability and a family that is consistent and some real services that he'll improve and he'll gain some hope too. </p><p></p><p>I can't sleep. I get the kids up and out for school and lie back down and try to force myself and it just doesn't work. I started back on 5 mg of Ambien, and now I'm up to 10 mg, and still getting no more than four hours. I'm going to bed around 11 pm each night, trying to keep to a normal schedule and hoping my mind/body just falls in step! I'm purposely avoiding the Ambien CR because I am a total zombie during the day on those, I literally cannot function.. but the lack of sleep is really compounding my ability to focus, relax and *keep my patience*! We stay so wound up waiting for difficult child to explode. easy child is looking forward to time away, and I think she needs it too. She's the older sibling in so many ways even though she's 3 1/2 years younger. She sticks up for herself, too, which is *amazing*, I wish I'd had that confidence at her age, but it also starts a *lot* of the battles and rages. I've stressed to her to *ignore* difficult child's outbursts, name calling and all out baiting, but she just can't. She gets angry when I tell her, when the behavior therapist tells her that this is what she needs to do. She will not back down from difficult child.. but mama is really tired of the refereeing!</p><p></p><p>We do have a pet - several in fact.. 2 dogs, 2 cats, a tarantula (difficult child went through a tarantula obsessed phase at 6-7, he got it for his birthday that year and its *still* alive lol) a fish and a frog. He enjoys the younger dog but pretty much ignores everything else. He is constantly bringing strays home and bringing me critters he's found to hold until he can find the owners. That makes me proud! But he doesn't do much of the way of cleaning/feeding/walking. They are all, minus one of the cats, going with us. My ex didn't want them, and one cat we've had for 9 years, a dog for 8. They are family. </p><p></p><p>I have videotaped several of his rages using my phone, and he absolutely hates it. I just turn the video on and leave the phone on my desk or my lap so he doesn't know I'm recording. I wouldn't feel comfortable making easy child a target holding the camera. </p><p></p><p>Someone suggested instead of calling the police while he's in a rage, I could call an ambulance, and this will keep him from having a police record. Is this an actual option? </p><p></p><p>So wiped out, looking forward to bedtime in a few hours once the kids are down for the night! I feel good that I made some progress today though. </p><p>Thank you for letting me vent safely and helping me to focus. I was really worried after my last experience on a message board, it really helps to have people who get it. I haven't talked to other parents in a long time.. can you tell? lol Sorry I'm so long winded..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sunxstone, post: 352084, member: 8297"] Wow.. thank you all for being so understanding and supportive!!! difficult child is having a good day today, no battles yet and it's 7:30 pm (knock on wood!) Getting this all out really helped me to focus and I gained a few steps today.. difficult child's caseworker is going to drive us to a walk-in evaluation/medication appointment first thing tomorrow morning. It will really help to have her there and help me articulate what I need to share with the doctor. I also copy/pasted a prelim custody agreement I found online, reworded it for our situation and gave it to my ex to look over. So far he's been very civil regarding the divorce, I just hope he stays that way. We are doing it ourselves, uncontested. I can't bring myself to fully trust him with his history, and the custody/parenting agreement has me really stressed out. What if I leave out something important? easy child chose to stay here with him, and we agreed to abide by her choice, with the provision that if she ever changes her mind she will be allowed to come stay with me in California. In a way, the time in between now and summer will do us good with difficult child and hopefully allow us to get him settled and more stable before she comes to stay. I think she wants some time to herself without having to fight constantly, and I'm supporting that. She needs some time for herself. If we can find a residential placement for difficult child in California I absolutely will place him if at all possible. I'm trying to get help from ex regarding the SSI/medicaid situation (his mom got bank bonds in difficult child and easy child's name, put us over the allowed limit by 1800$, and now I owe them 8000$, by their math. I don't get it..), and he keeps telling me he's going to get copies of the bonds from the bank to prove we did cash them in, but other than saying yes, yes, he will, he's not, and he hasn't. He took me off the account so I can't get to them. :/ I keep stressing that I need to get this situation taken care of so that I can get services for difficult child, but he really doesn't care. difficult child is no longer his problem. difficult child is dealing with his step dad giving up on him and moving 1500 miles away from where he's grown up.. I know difficult child is stressed, too and it's not helping everything else. I'm just hoping that when we get there and he has stability and a family that is consistent and some real services that he'll improve and he'll gain some hope too. I can't sleep. I get the kids up and out for school and lie back down and try to force myself and it just doesn't work. I started back on 5 mg of Ambien, and now I'm up to 10 mg, and still getting no more than four hours. I'm going to bed around 11 pm each night, trying to keep to a normal schedule and hoping my mind/body just falls in step! I'm purposely avoiding the Ambien CR because I am a total zombie during the day on those, I literally cannot function.. but the lack of sleep is really compounding my ability to focus, relax and *keep my patience*! We stay so wound up waiting for difficult child to explode. easy child is looking forward to time away, and I think she needs it too. She's the older sibling in so many ways even though she's 3 1/2 years younger. She sticks up for herself, too, which is *amazing*, I wish I'd had that confidence at her age, but it also starts a *lot* of the battles and rages. I've stressed to her to *ignore* difficult child's outbursts, name calling and all out baiting, but she just can't. She gets angry when I tell her, when the behavior therapist tells her that this is what she needs to do. She will not back down from difficult child.. but mama is really tired of the refereeing! We do have a pet - several in fact.. 2 dogs, 2 cats, a tarantula (difficult child went through a tarantula obsessed phase at 6-7, he got it for his birthday that year and its *still* alive lol) a fish and a frog. He enjoys the younger dog but pretty much ignores everything else. He is constantly bringing strays home and bringing me critters he's found to hold until he can find the owners. That makes me proud! But he doesn't do much of the way of cleaning/feeding/walking. They are all, minus one of the cats, going with us. My ex didn't want them, and one cat we've had for 9 years, a dog for 8. They are family. I have videotaped several of his rages using my phone, and he absolutely hates it. I just turn the video on and leave the phone on my desk or my lap so he doesn't know I'm recording. I wouldn't feel comfortable making easy child a target holding the camera. Someone suggested instead of calling the police while he's in a rage, I could call an ambulance, and this will keep him from having a police record. Is this an actual option? So wiped out, looking forward to bedtime in a few hours once the kids are down for the night! I feel good that I made some progress today though. Thank you for letting me vent safely and helping me to focus. I was really worried after my last experience on a message board, it really helps to have people who get it. I haven't talked to other parents in a long time.. can you tell? lol Sorry I'm so long winded.. [/QUOTE]
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