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Heard from Katie
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 406742" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Star in this area he will have some issues........small rural area..........he's not only a felon, he's an outsider.............and he's got that gansta act going on ridiculous as it is. It will take him working his rear end off to find a job in this area. It can be done, IF he humbles himself, acts his age, and is willing to take almost anything. I've given him a long list several times. I know a few convicted felons in town, homegrown boys, I know where the hiring is at. Garbage man, lawn work, some day labors, a few (only out of area) factories ect <strong>will hire</strong> him. Of course you do have to get off your keaster and apply for those jobs.........and our job center bends over backward to help people find jobs. These two act like I know no one in this town, when I know practically everyone, and that I know no one out of work...........pht. But where he's looking, as dishwasher........nope. They want nothing to do with him. Nichole sent them both long lists of places to apply that are all but begging for people. Waste of time, but at least it stopped the drama routine on facebook. Katie could be hired tomorrow at an employment agency for nursing home staff, they will TRAIN her. Again begging for people. She knows this, she has never gone. And of course this is the job she's telling everyone she's dying to do. Gimme a break.</p><p></p><p>It's odd but I find myself sliding into warrior Mom mode as if I'm sliding into a pair of comfortable old clothing. Odd because I had hoped/believed/ was relieved those in the trenches days were over forever. Odd because I didn't ask for it, didn't want it. Odd because it's not for katie. It is for Kayla, Alex, and Evan.</p><p></p><p>I'll be bluntly honest because I know some other parent here my one day find themselves in the same spot, feeling the same things, there guts and heart torn out with the same decisions to make. I'm no saint. I'm not wonder mom. I don't have all the answers.........right now I'm not sure I have any of the answers.</p><p></p><p>I wanted those warrior Mom days to be over. I'm not young anymore. I'm tired and I'm sick. I raised my own children sick, in pain, knowing I could be taken from them at any moment without warning. It was hard, emotionally, mentally, and physically....made even more hard because 3 of them were difficult children who needed me to be everything I could be and more. So I wanted to push this away, far far away. For once I wanted someone else to deal with it. I wanted someone else to come up with the solution. I didn't want to face the rage and the pain of having a daughter who doesn't give a d*mn about the welfare of her children, who is so self-centered for whatever reason (and trust me at this point I simply do not care what reason) that she has put them through living hades since the day each of them entered this world. I didn't want to risk scr*wing it all up again and causing these kids lord knows how many more years of living hades on earth due to my incompetence because I do the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong place.......... If I had done things right <strong>last</strong> time there would have been no <strong>this</strong> time. I own that because I'm an adult, a mother, and a grandmother and I have the guts to own it. </p><p></p><p>So since xmas I've been doing my utter best to push this all away, make it Katie and M's problem. The states problem. Someone's problem who is not ME. And when I try to push something away..........you've no idea how skilled at it I am. I almost had myself convinced I could do it and all would be right with the world. Almost.</p><p></p><p>I graduated last august. I did that for myself. I realized along the way I also did that for my children, to show them through actions that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can always go back and do what you were meant to do. That it is never too late to fix a mistake. There was a time when I never dreamed I'd have the opportunity to do that, or that I had the ability to do it.</p><p></p><p>In the aftermath of that.........with all the katie family junk, my mouth junk (which by the way I'm still waiting for those teeth, now I have to be well enough to make sure the proto type works so the real ones can be made), and now this ever so lovely illness that has caused my renal failure to basically stand up and slap me across the face in a huge way......</p><p></p><p>It has slowly dawned on me that each of us are put on this earth for a purpose. Some of us flounder around an entire lifetime unable or even unwilling to discover what that purpose is. Some of us are fortunate enough to figure it out......even if life has to smack us upside the head with it. There are even some of us who happen to figure it out......but then are for whatever reason unwilling to accept it that we wind up making ourselves miserable.</p><p></p><p>I am a mother. I am a grandmother. I have enough maternal instinct packed into this body for probably 100 women. I have a broad scope of interest ranging from history, art, medicine, culture.....this list would go on forever so I'll spare you. If someone walks up to me at any given time and asks me what I am that always comes out of my mouth first. All of those other things? Well, they just make me better at what I am.</p><p></p><p>I can honestly say I have never in my entire life struggled with something as I have this. Since there have been children in my life I have very rarely made a decision based on what was right for me. As I say that......I can't even think of one. The needs of the children in my life, my own children and my grandchildren, have always <strong>always</strong> come before my own. Because for me, that <strong>is</strong> the way it is<strong> supposed</strong> to be. Children are the innocents. Who will stand up for them if those who love them don't?</p><p></p><p>I have my own moral code in which I live by. And it's a tough one to live up to sometimes. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p><p></p><p>I failed these kids once. And I'm not afraid to admit I'm terrified of failing them again. I don't do failure well. So far no one above has opted to let me in on the whole plan. I want the very best for these kids. They deserve and need love and affection and normalcy and stability and a chance at a future. If that is with me, then I will step up and I will do my utter best for as long as God above allows me to.......after that, just as it was with my own kids, it's in his hands. I'm only human, He's the guy with all the power. I'm done fighting it. It's up to Him. </p><p></p><p>husband and I decided this will, however, go through cps. I will have stipulations for taking on my grandkids.......as much for their welfare as my own. I will not have Katie and M up in my face, it just will not happen. </p><p></p><p>I admit concerning cps I'm basically a fish out of water. Which is obvious or I'd have done better last time around. I'll be yelling for help I'm sure often. But husband and I are both determined to shake this d*mn bug and get our fannies in gear to be ready when that call comes. I'll do my best to keep them in the family. If they go into the system I'll do what it takes to keep them in the family unit as much as possible. But I figure if I'm meant to do this......it will play out that way.</p><p></p><p>And Auntie Star.........does this mean you're staying in Ohio, dear??? Cuz ya know we still got a raincheck on lunch. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 406742, member: 84"] Star in this area he will have some issues........small rural area..........he's not only a felon, he's an outsider.............and he's got that gansta act going on ridiculous as it is. It will take him working his rear end off to find a job in this area. It can be done, IF he humbles himself, acts his age, and is willing to take almost anything. I've given him a long list several times. I know a few convicted felons in town, homegrown boys, I know where the hiring is at. Garbage man, lawn work, some day labors, a few (only out of area) factories ect [B]will hire[/B] him. Of course you do have to get off your keaster and apply for those jobs.........and our job center bends over backward to help people find jobs. These two act like I know no one in this town, when I know practically everyone, and that I know no one out of work...........pht. But where he's looking, as dishwasher........nope. They want nothing to do with him. Nichole sent them both long lists of places to apply that are all but begging for people. Waste of time, but at least it stopped the drama routine on facebook. Katie could be hired tomorrow at an employment agency for nursing home staff, they will TRAIN her. Again begging for people. She knows this, she has never gone. And of course this is the job she's telling everyone she's dying to do. Gimme a break. It's odd but I find myself sliding into warrior Mom mode as if I'm sliding into a pair of comfortable old clothing. Odd because I had hoped/believed/ was relieved those in the trenches days were over forever. Odd because I didn't ask for it, didn't want it. Odd because it's not for katie. It is for Kayla, Alex, and Evan. I'll be bluntly honest because I know some other parent here my one day find themselves in the same spot, feeling the same things, there guts and heart torn out with the same decisions to make. I'm no saint. I'm not wonder mom. I don't have all the answers.........right now I'm not sure I have any of the answers. I wanted those warrior Mom days to be over. I'm not young anymore. I'm tired and I'm sick. I raised my own children sick, in pain, knowing I could be taken from them at any moment without warning. It was hard, emotionally, mentally, and physically....made even more hard because 3 of them were difficult children who needed me to be everything I could be and more. So I wanted to push this away, far far away. For once I wanted someone else to deal with it. I wanted someone else to come up with the solution. I didn't want to face the rage and the pain of having a daughter who doesn't give a d*mn about the welfare of her children, who is so self-centered for whatever reason (and trust me at this point I simply do not care what reason) that she has put them through living hades since the day each of them entered this world. I didn't want to risk scr*wing it all up again and causing these kids lord knows how many more years of living hades on earth due to my incompetence because I do the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong place.......... If I had done things right [B]last[/B] time there would have been no [B]this[/B] time. I own that because I'm an adult, a mother, and a grandmother and I have the guts to own it. So since xmas I've been doing my utter best to push this all away, make it Katie and M's problem. The states problem. Someone's problem who is not ME. And when I try to push something away..........you've no idea how skilled at it I am. I almost had myself convinced I could do it and all would be right with the world. Almost. I graduated last august. I did that for myself. I realized along the way I also did that for my children, to show them through actions that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can always go back and do what you were meant to do. That it is never too late to fix a mistake. There was a time when I never dreamed I'd have the opportunity to do that, or that I had the ability to do it. In the aftermath of that.........with all the katie family junk, my mouth junk (which by the way I'm still waiting for those teeth, now I have to be well enough to make sure the proto type works so the real ones can be made), and now this ever so lovely illness that has caused my renal failure to basically stand up and slap me across the face in a huge way...... It has slowly dawned on me that each of us are put on this earth for a purpose. Some of us flounder around an entire lifetime unable or even unwilling to discover what that purpose is. Some of us are fortunate enough to figure it out......even if life has to smack us upside the head with it. There are even some of us who happen to figure it out......but then are for whatever reason unwilling to accept it that we wind up making ourselves miserable. I am a mother. I am a grandmother. I have enough maternal instinct packed into this body for probably 100 women. I have a broad scope of interest ranging from history, art, medicine, culture.....this list would go on forever so I'll spare you. If someone walks up to me at any given time and asks me what I am that always comes out of my mouth first. All of those other things? Well, they just make me better at what I am. I can honestly say I have never in my entire life struggled with something as I have this. Since there have been children in my life I have very rarely made a decision based on what was right for me. As I say that......I can't even think of one. The needs of the children in my life, my own children and my grandchildren, have always [B]always[/B] come before my own. Because for me, that [B]is[/B] the way it is[B] supposed[/B] to be. Children are the innocents. Who will stand up for them if those who love them don't? I have my own moral code in which I live by. And it's a tough one to live up to sometimes. :sigh: I failed these kids once. And I'm not afraid to admit I'm terrified of failing them again. I don't do failure well. So far no one above has opted to let me in on the whole plan. I want the very best for these kids. They deserve and need love and affection and normalcy and stability and a chance at a future. If that is with me, then I will step up and I will do my utter best for as long as God above allows me to.......after that, just as it was with my own kids, it's in his hands. I'm only human, He's the guy with all the power. I'm done fighting it. It's up to Him. husband and I decided this will, however, go through cps. I will have stipulations for taking on my grandkids.......as much for their welfare as my own. I will not have Katie and M up in my face, it just will not happen. I admit concerning cps I'm basically a fish out of water. Which is obvious or I'd have done better last time around. I'll be yelling for help I'm sure often. But husband and I are both determined to shake this d*mn bug and get our fannies in gear to be ready when that call comes. I'll do my best to keep them in the family. If they go into the system I'll do what it takes to keep them in the family unit as much as possible. But I figure if I'm meant to do this......it will play out that way. And Auntie Star.........does this mean you're staying in Ohio, dear??? Cuz ya know we still got a raincheck on lunch. :hugs: [/QUOTE]
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