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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 338043" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Welcome and hugs! </p><p> </p><p>My guess would be that though he will definetly be expelled from the bus, I doubt the school will address the incident. As long as you provide another way of transporting, I am sure the school will allow him to return.</p><p> </p><p>We have no way of knowing how long this girl has harrassed your son so am not sure how short a temper he has. If you find that she truely was harrassing him, then she needs to be treated as a bully and have just as much responsibility in this as your son. Unfortunately, society still refuses to see the little girls as bullies. They can be nastier than the boys. Some day equalilty will be doled out in this area also. (Can you tell that I get very sick and tired of bullies walking away as victims?)</p><p> </p><p>For punishment in the situation? NONE! Having the cops involved sent enough of a message to him about how his behavior will be treated. If you add to this, it will just be sending the message of "Why are YOU always in trouble?". You want to send the message of "What happened? We KNOW you do not want to behave like this. How can we help?" (some kids would rather have a short term punishment than talk about what happened - to them, this will feel like a punishment but they will learn communication skills also)</p><p> </p><p>It is very much possible that your son has gone into denial of what has happened (saying he doesn't remember - he wished it hadn't so if he doesn't talk about it maybe it will go away) or maybe he really does not remember. Gently review what happened. Start with, "difficult child, I am going to tell you what we were told and then I want you to tell me how you saw it." A fact gathering mission - you are trying to understand all sides.</p><p> </p><p>You can then go onto, "This just doesn't seem like something you really wanted to do. We want to help this from happening again." A counselor can help provide "tools" that your difficult child can use when he starts feeling angry or out of control. It may take awhile for your difficult child to remember to pay attention to how he feels and to learn that very first symptom. For example, it may be starting to tense up. He is then to choose a "tool" to focus on. The step after that is identifying triggers. Your son is young but it is still possible for him to figure out.</p><p> </p><p>I was fortunate to be on the playground two years ago when my difficult child was about ready to attack a girl. I was able to intervene. Whenever my difficult child did anything like this, I would never punish or discipline. Instead, I would work with him to figure out what happened and what tools he should have used to not let it get so far.</p><p> </p><p>Your home is your difficult child's refuge, a safe place, a place where he needs to get support from. You believe in him and his sweet side shows he does have it in him to succeed. It may take awhile, but with lots of patience and trying to get him to work on who he wants to be instead of punishing for when he doesn't work up to those standards for himself, it just may work. It did for us!</p><p> </p><p>(I often talked to my difficult child about the person he wanted to be. Those reminders I think helped him be stronger about not behaving in a way that hurt himself and others.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 338043, member: 5096"] Welcome and hugs! My guess would be that though he will definetly be expelled from the bus, I doubt the school will address the incident. As long as you provide another way of transporting, I am sure the school will allow him to return. We have no way of knowing how long this girl has harrassed your son so am not sure how short a temper he has. If you find that she truely was harrassing him, then she needs to be treated as a bully and have just as much responsibility in this as your son. Unfortunately, society still refuses to see the little girls as bullies. They can be nastier than the boys. Some day equalilty will be doled out in this area also. (Can you tell that I get very sick and tired of bullies walking away as victims?) For punishment in the situation? NONE! Having the cops involved sent enough of a message to him about how his behavior will be treated. If you add to this, it will just be sending the message of "Why are YOU always in trouble?". You want to send the message of "What happened? We KNOW you do not want to behave like this. How can we help?" (some kids would rather have a short term punishment than talk about what happened - to them, this will feel like a punishment but they will learn communication skills also) It is very much possible that your son has gone into denial of what has happened (saying he doesn't remember - he wished it hadn't so if he doesn't talk about it maybe it will go away) or maybe he really does not remember. Gently review what happened. Start with, "difficult child, I am going to tell you what we were told and then I want you to tell me how you saw it." A fact gathering mission - you are trying to understand all sides. You can then go onto, "This just doesn't seem like something you really wanted to do. We want to help this from happening again." A counselor can help provide "tools" that your difficult child can use when he starts feeling angry or out of control. It may take awhile for your difficult child to remember to pay attention to how he feels and to learn that very first symptom. For example, it may be starting to tense up. He is then to choose a "tool" to focus on. The step after that is identifying triggers. Your son is young but it is still possible for him to figure out. I was fortunate to be on the playground two years ago when my difficult child was about ready to attack a girl. I was able to intervene. Whenever my difficult child did anything like this, I would never punish or discipline. Instead, I would work with him to figure out what happened and what tools he should have used to not let it get so far. Your home is your difficult child's refuge, a safe place, a place where he needs to get support from. You believe in him and his sweet side shows he does have it in him to succeed. It may take awhile, but with lots of patience and trying to get him to work on who he wants to be instead of punishing for when he doesn't work up to those standards for himself, it just may work. It did for us! (I often talked to my difficult child about the person he wanted to be. Those reminders I think helped him be stronger about not behaving in a way that hurt himself and others.) [/QUOTE]
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