Hello all! Newbe here....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LookingForAnswers, May 10, 2011.

  1. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Hello all! I am new here and I guess I will start by telling you about my son. My son's (MH) current diagnosis is mood disorder, depression (pretty severe; it manifest as anger), and ADHD. His doctors don't really say Bipolar...I have heard them say it a couple of times but I honestly am not sure if he has it. I really don't know why I want to put a label on it other than I would like to know what I am dealing with. I sometimes wonder if he has the correct diagnosis. We knew something was wrong as early as 2 but we didn't take him to the psychiatrist until he was 7 when he said that he wanted to kill himself. His diagnosis then was Anxiety, Depression (as a result from the ADHD and he would grow out of it), ODD, and ADHD. When he was around 11 things changed and he got worse. The diagnosis changed to what it is now and his psychiatrist also told me that the depression was clinical now and it will be a life long battle (That was hard for me to accept!). He developed some tics last Summer and his doctor took him off all his medications (not all at once) to figure out what was causing it. That is when we found out just how bad the depression is. He was EXTREMELY angry and he would fly into a rage over nothing. He would accuse people of talking about him or plotting against him (paranoid) and he had extreme hate for his little brother. At home we had to put locks on our doors so that his brother would have a safe place to go if MH got angry when we were at work. This was a very scary time for us. During that time he was doing some really impulsive and bad things (like stealing from my job!). Since then we have been struggling to get his medications right.He is still extremely argumentative and disrespectful and we never know what is gonna set him off. His rages have reduced but he still gets really angry over nothing and refuses to accept responsibility for anything! The last rage was about 6 weeks ago and he broke our pedestal sink by punching it!! If you tell him an answer he don’t want to hear he will get very ugly. He is very disrespectful, unmotivated to do anything, thinks that rules don’t apply to him, extremely impulsive…I could go on but I won’t. The point is that our house is always in chaos and there is always arguing. The school is always calling me (He has an IEP in place and is in an EBD Self Contained class setting). He is also additcted to any type of games (computer, Ipod, game system). This has been a serious problem in our house for a long time. A couple of weeks ago an incident happened at school that really scared me. MH was having a bad morning because he got mad when his Math teacher was going to give him a zero for not doing his work (He had copied the answers out of the book.). MH called us to TELL us to come get him because and I quote “I don’t want to be here. My teacher is giving me a zero for work I did”. Well, we got that situation calmed down and then we got another phone call because MH had drawn some violent pictures on his class work that suggested suicide. His teacher told me that “This is a warning sign” and he felt like I may need to take him to a hospital. This terrified me. The pictures that he drew were of a stick person with a gun to the head, a stick person with a sword across his throat, and a stick person jumping off a building. I have never even imagined that I would be on the phone with my insurance company getting the name of the hospitals that I could take him to but that day I was. As it turned out we didn’t have to take him to the hospital. We had a long talk about it and he admitted he did it to get attention….plus his psychiatrists didn’t think it was necessary. Since then he has been in ISS at school 2 times for refusing to do his work, being argumentative and disrespectful. His psychiatrist tells me that he really doesn't know what to do because MH is so unpredictable....I have really lost confidence in him and I am starting to wonder if MH's medications are the root of his problems right now. We are taking him to a new psychiatrist to get a fresh diagnosis and medications. If that doesn't help then we believe our next step is sending him to some sort of OTP…..we are looking at Summer Camps or possibly a therapeutic school. I know that this will be the hardest thing we ever do if we have to do this but I believe in my heart that it will give MH the best chance at a good life. I feel like if we don’t get him the help he needs then he will have a difficult life or could end up in jail….and that is not the life I am willing to let him have. I will do everything in my power to help him! So I will hush now...sorry for rambling!
  2. wintak

    wintak New Member

    I'm new, too. YOu have just described MY son and he's only 8. I have exactly the same fears. I actually have said that my son will be on TV some day...I just don't know if it's cuz he's done something awesome or he's done something very bad.

    I feel for you. I will be watching this post to see what people say.

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, Newbe...

    Welcome - I see the others haven't found your thread yet. Don't worry - they will!

    My situation is different than yours, so I don't have as much to offer in direct advice, except to say that not having the correct (and complete) diagnosis is always a problem - and not having the correctly-adjusted medications is also always a problem... and you're dealing with both.

    The "others" I referred to are some regulars around here - and they seem to have a whole range of experiences, so they will add more.

    Meanwhile - come, look around, read what others are posting... often we find answers in unlikely places!
  4. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member


    medications are part of the picture.

    If you are taking a fresh look at your son's diagnosis , look at the collaborative problem solving approach
    http://livesinthebalance.org and http://thinkkids.org . check the ALSUP list/ thinking skills inventory and get an idea of his lacking skills and keep a journal or from your memory write down the context/situations - when, with, why , who etc when these skills seem to be lacking - the more the detail the better. and then start learning to have a conversation, take perspectives , problem solve = not easy . the book ' lost at school ' guides one with cps in school.

    Mentors, older brother, buddy-tutor - We have to find some one he can trust, build a relationship, admire who can guide him 0 his friend , not a therapist who you have hired. Peer mentor also helpful -- i believe this is crucial

    treatment centers - those who use point levels etc to manipulate behavior or rely on the control structure to leverage behavior may be able to get a kid to look good , but when he comes home where the structure is rather different , kids fall apart.

    A place - good with medications , focuses on emotionally empowering and teaching problem solving skills rather than getting ' compliance' is what I recommend.

    My bet is him spending more time with young adults or older teens

    Your situation is very tough , so nurture yourself - sending prayers and positive thoughts in your direction

  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and Welcome--

    (Welcome Wintak, also - please feel free to start your own thread so that we can get to know you!)

    It sounds as though you really have your hands full! Maybe I've missed it - but how old is your son now? And while the disturbing drawings are worrisome...it's hard to say what they mean. Is he doing it just to create drama and chaos? Possibly...

    And it does sound as though getting a new psychiatrist is a good idea. It's never a good feeling when your doctor basically says "I give up"...and it sounds as if that's what your current doctor is telling you.

    (((hugs))) for you...this is a hard road - but please know that you are not alone.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Interesting comment buried in the original post (I missed it the first time):
    We've been told that, from Grade 4 to the end of Grade 6, everything at school makes a massive shift - from learning to write, to writing to learn, etc. If a student has been "getting by" but hiding learning or motor skills issues... they will often hit the wall in that timeframe. Ours did... by end of Grade 4. But we've noticed others getting to that place a bit later. And "'hitting the wall" at school can trigger all sorts of secondary mental health issues.

    So... some of what you are dealing with may be secondary... others have suggested a switch in docs etc. - probably a good idea to re-visit the whole picture, not just known diagnosis...
  7. LookingForAnswers

    LookingForAnswers New Member

    Hi DaisyFace! My son is 14; soon to be 15 next month. I do believe that the drawings were a way to create drama and to get attention. He has said that the wanted to die before but he has always said it in anger (and he has rarely said it in the last several years). He admits that he does it to get attention and tells me that he would never hurt himself. But I can't help but worry though...you just never know when he could loose control. I told him that we can't afford to under react and the next time he does something like that he will have to go the hospital for observation.
    I made him an appointment with a new psychiatrist. Unfortunately they couldn't get him in for a few weeks but I am excited to see what she has to offer. She came very highly recommended. I had to take him to his psychiatrist today for his regular monthly appointment (This appointment was with his psychiatrists and he only does medication evaluations. He goes to a Psychologist for therapy. This new doctor does both in one appoitment! YAY!). Today he started him on Lithium to try and stabilize his moods some. MH was totally himself in there and his psychiatrist got to see him in true form today. He was very argumentative and disrespectful in front of the psychiatrist. He would “correct” me and speak to me as if he is the parent. I asked his psychiatrist what is going on with him because MH has always been difficult and disrespectful but he has really gotten bad lately. It is not just at home; it is at school as well now. The psychiatrist said that it is issues relating to the ODD…that he doesn’t understand that he is not on the same level as adults and that his opinions and wants are only what matter. UGGGGGH!!

    Thanks for the hugs! I sure need them right now! (((hugs))) for you too!