hello from a newbie

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lingal, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. lingal

    lingal New Member

    Hi all! I am a stay at home mom to my 5yo son. He was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD/Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) about a year ago. Once we were told what the issues were we took a deep breath and researched all of the disorders. We had a great behavior management plan in place, changed his diet, and got him on an IEP with Occupational Therapist (OT) twice a week.

    Just when there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel it was time for my husband to go on a year long deployment. Did I mention I'm a military wife. It has been two months and DS's anger is getting worse by the day. I think now that the holidays have passed and we have slowed down it has finally set in that daddy is gone.

    I love my son dearly! He is a loving, funny, smart, eager to please kid, but because of all going on in his head he can be a hand full and I am drained. I'm hoping this site will give me support, advice, and a place to vent.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us, but sorry you needed to.

    I'm going to ask you some questions that I hope will help us help you:

    What kind of doctor diagnosed your son?
    What kind of doctor is treating him?
    Is he in therapy?
    How does he do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Any speech or developmental delays?
    Any mental health or substance abuse in the family tree?

    We recommend to our "newbies" that they get a hold of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us here parent our extra-challenging children.

    Again, welcome.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Lingal, welcome.
    We just had another military mom with-a deployed husband join us.
    It is so hard doing this alone, and then having him come home and try to dovetail with everything you've been doing alone for months.
    Sounds like you've done some great interventions so far. The earlier the better!
    What sorts of behaviors are you dealing with now? Me, me, me stuff? Sadness? Anger? Hitting?
    These kids do not transition well, whether they are bipolar, autistic, or any number of things. They thrive on consistency. Do you play daddy's voice at night to your son when he goes to bed? I know a lot of military people who do that--tape record a song or bedtime story. Just a thought.
    Is your son on any medications?
  4. BeyondWeary

    BeyondWeary New Member

    hello lingal - I am a military wife also - my husband works out-of-state and comes home about once per month, but calls frequently. We have picture phones and trade pics. I am new to this forum by a few days. You are fortunate, I have 2 difficult child's! One is in a residential treatment facility because his behavior got so bad. Welcome.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found us.

    What do you think is different? Is DHs style of parenting different than yours? Unfortunately you have to be mom and dad now. See if you can pull some of your DHs techniques back into the mix.
  6. lingal

    lingal New Member

    Thanks for the welcome ladies! Sorry it's taken so long but we have been a bit green.

    To answer some of your questions, I love my husband, but there really isn't a parenting style. He tries but either gives in because he feels so guilty for coming and going or looses all patiences. Before he went on this deployment he would be home 8 weeks, gone 10. There was always some sort of adjustment period going on. We have pictures all over and a daddy doll, but it seems like when husband calls (phone or video) that really sets DS off.

    As for DS transition is not in his vocabulary. We do a lot of warnings and countdowns. Sometimes he is wanting to get attention, especially from men, but I think that is just part of his dad being gone. The main behavior issue at this point is the anger. He yells, throws and kicks things, and has been known to hit and kick his teacher on occasion...mind you he would never do that to me. There are times he can feel it coming on and will say he is getting angry and remove himself or if you see he's starting to go in the wrong direction you can try to redirect him. And he will push you as far as he can. I tell people be extremely firm because if you give in once your done for. DS can be the most helpful, loving, caring little boy in the world, but when he sees red there is no bringing him back.

    People have told me he's to young to diagnose or he's just a boy, but I know my son and there is something else going on up there and I wanted he looked at by a professional so his PCP referred us to an ADHD specialist. After the ADHD/ODD diagnosis we were given behavior therapy to do with him since he was so young to go on medications. He goes to a private preschool and that teacher is the one who brought up a sensory issue so we had him evaluated by the public school system. He now gets Occupational Therapist (OT) twice a week at the public school. They work on fine motor and relaxation techniques with him, not that they have ever seen him melt down. I am putting DS back in therapy starting in a couple weeks. At school he does great, but if it doesn't go his way or it's a task he doesn't want to do it can lead to a serious melt down. husband was always the kid who was sent on errands in school because he couldn't sit still, but was never labeled with anything. I have read The Explosive Child along with many other books! I hit a point where I just had to stop reading because I was getting overwhelmed and it was all starting to sound the same.

    I hope that all made sense!
  7. kathyteach9

    kathyteach9 New Member

    Hi everyone. My name is Kathy, I am single parent of a 8 year old girl with Precocious Puberty, and my son is 5 and was diagnosed last year with ADHD/ODD

    their Dad comes every other weekend, but simply refuses to believe there's anything wrong with either of them. He won't give him his medicine- focalin xr 10mg.

    Honestly, I am very depressed (I'm getting help) and I don't even look forward to my weekends or nights with my own kids.

    Any advice?
  8. kbrand0554

    kbrand0554 New Member

    Hello and welcome
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Crikey, this thread is a real newbie-fest!

    Welcome, everybody.

    Some general advice -

    1) do a sig when you can, so you don't have to keep repeating yourself every time you post. Don't use your real names so you can feel free to vent without fear that your child's teacher/friend/neighbour/doctor/estranged family member won't track it or recognise themselves in what you write.

    2) Read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Grab a copy from the library, or read the sticky in the Early Childhood forum on this site. It really helps, with a wide range of problems. It's not a cure though.

    3) Listen to your instincts, have faith in yourself as a parent. Try to get on the same page as your partner as best you can; I personally recommend getting your partner to lurk here or post here. So for those of you with deployed husbands, maybe that is something they may be able to do where they happen to be? I don't know about that, I hope it's possible. Or you could print out your posts and threads and post it to them.

    4) Keep a diary if you can. It really helps because sometimes we're trying to keep things in our mind to remember to tell the doctor next time - and we forget. That diary can also help you see, further down the track, how much progress your child has perhaps made.

    5) Where possible, try to bring your own issues to a thread of their very own. That way they get the attention and support they need, and not risk getting lost in someone else's problems.

    Never underestimate the help you can get from a good therapist, especially if your child is struggling with changes in his/her environment (such as daddy being deployed). Some sort of support may be available through the military, specifically for problems with children due to a parental absence. Just a thought.

    Again, welcome to all. I look forward to getting to know each of you individually.