Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Hello from australia - intro
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 275728" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Busywend, this is a fostering situation and from the sound of it, the biomum has NOT been handling it for a long time. She hasn't been handling it 24/7 for a long time either, from what I read here; Trish has been the one with the heavy workload.</p><p></p><p>The issue here is helping Trish find some way to help this child over the hurdle of different parenting styles plus a history of apparent inconsistency and possibly too much pressure to achieve, in an area where the child seems to have become 'burnt out' by a range of different strategies which just don't seem to be working.</p><p></p><p>My response about the mum seeming to have denial down to an art form, was the line about the mother believing that the little girl is "up with her peers" which simply by having such obvious problems with encopresis, the child clearly is not. The mother may well be loving the child, be burnt out as you say - it really doesn't change the sort of help Trish needs from us in terms of ideas and suggestions in finding ways to support this child with encopresis.</p><p></p><p>I do agree that we need to be very careful to not judge too hastily. Parenting is difficult; parenting a difficult child doubly so.</p><p></p><p>A good friend of mine fosters a boy on a semi-regular basis. She also does her best to help the bio-mum with her parenting skills and with respite. However, I hear the same things from my friend about a bio-mum who can't prioritise, can't keep track of the children's clothing/possessions/books/food; about foster kids who always arrive in soiled clothing and who now have to have new clothes left at her (foster) house or tey are never seen again. My friend likes these people but has to acknowledge, they're not very competent as parents and don't seem to be able to learn. All my friend can try to do, is keep doing what she is doing and hope that over time she can be a useful part of the team to help these children reach their potential.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes it just happens to work that way. And yes, sometimes kids are in foster care because a parent is ill, or a child is more than the parent can handle for a while and needs respite.</p><p></p><p>In Australia we do have access to respite when we need it, apart from and distinct to foster care. If I were a single mother who had to go into hospital and I couldn't find a friend to mind difficult child 3, he would have to go into foster care until I was well enough to look after him again. However, if respite were possible at such short notice, that would be the preferable alternative.</p><p></p><p>Most of the time, however, kids are in our foster care system NOT because they were placed voluntarily. We do try to keep kids in contact with their parents and the aim is to have the children placed back full-time with their bio-parents, but only when they can cope. Until then - we do our best to help everybody cope. We've had a few highly publicised cases in recent years, where authorities didn't intervene soon enough or to a great enough extent. It IS a tricky situation, having to meet the best interests of the children but also ensure that parents are kept in the loop as much as possible. It is an ideal, but even with the best spin on it possible, we have to accept that sometimes, the biological parents are NOT the best place for the child.</p><p></p><p>We just try to keep it as balanced as possible and hope like H we're doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 275728, member: 1991"] Busywend, this is a fostering situation and from the sound of it, the biomum has NOT been handling it for a long time. She hasn't been handling it 24/7 for a long time either, from what I read here; Trish has been the one with the heavy workload. The issue here is helping Trish find some way to help this child over the hurdle of different parenting styles plus a history of apparent inconsistency and possibly too much pressure to achieve, in an area where the child seems to have become 'burnt out' by a range of different strategies which just don't seem to be working. My response about the mum seeming to have denial down to an art form, was the line about the mother believing that the little girl is "up with her peers" which simply by having such obvious problems with encopresis, the child clearly is not. The mother may well be loving the child, be burnt out as you say - it really doesn't change the sort of help Trish needs from us in terms of ideas and suggestions in finding ways to support this child with encopresis. I do agree that we need to be very careful to not judge too hastily. Parenting is difficult; parenting a difficult child doubly so. A good friend of mine fosters a boy on a semi-regular basis. She also does her best to help the bio-mum with her parenting skills and with respite. However, I hear the same things from my friend about a bio-mum who can't prioritise, can't keep track of the children's clothing/possessions/books/food; about foster kids who always arrive in soiled clothing and who now have to have new clothes left at her (foster) house or tey are never seen again. My friend likes these people but has to acknowledge, they're not very competent as parents and don't seem to be able to learn. All my friend can try to do, is keep doing what she is doing and hope that over time she can be a useful part of the team to help these children reach their potential. Sometimes it just happens to work that way. And yes, sometimes kids are in foster care because a parent is ill, or a child is more than the parent can handle for a while and needs respite. In Australia we do have access to respite when we need it, apart from and distinct to foster care. If I were a single mother who had to go into hospital and I couldn't find a friend to mind difficult child 3, he would have to go into foster care until I was well enough to look after him again. However, if respite were possible at such short notice, that would be the preferable alternative. Most of the time, however, kids are in our foster care system NOT because they were placed voluntarily. We do try to keep kids in contact with their parents and the aim is to have the children placed back full-time with their bio-parents, but only when they can cope. Until then - we do our best to help everybody cope. We've had a few highly publicised cases in recent years, where authorities didn't intervene soon enough or to a great enough extent. It IS a tricky situation, having to meet the best interests of the children but also ensure that parents are kept in the loop as much as possible. It is an ideal, but even with the best spin on it possible, we have to accept that sometimes, the biological parents are NOT the best place for the child. We just try to keep it as balanced as possible and hope like H we're doing the right thing. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Hello from australia - intro
Top