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Hello ladies! (LONG)
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 344200" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have adopted six kids. Three are wonderful, but we got them as very young babies.</p><p></p><p>Now for the older adopted kids: One was easy to raise, but left us like he'd never known us. One was so abusive he had to leave (he killed our dogs and sexually abused our younger kids). The other had only been with us a year and when this boy sexually abused him, we let him go to another family, which is what he wanted. We adopted our younger kids at one day old (we watched her birth), five months old, and two. All three of these kids are doing great. The ones who did not do well in a family setting were seven, eleven and six when we adopted them.</p><p></p><p> You adopted a teenager and after two years in your house (a small part of a chaotic life, you expect her to behave. in my opinion it isn't going to happen and hitting her with a belt won't help one bit. She has to have attachment issues and probably doesn't even really feel like she is your daughter yet. She probably learned to steal and lie because nobody was there to take care of her needs and she learned dysfuctional but necessary survival skills. Our out-of-town social worker for our eleven year old told us 96% of all kids in foster care were sexually abused at least one time along the way so that is probably going on. She likely was also hit...that's one reason why, no matter what, I'd put that belt away.</p><p></p><p>A therapist once a month in my opinion is not enough. Nothing may be enough. But in my opinion it is asking too much to adopt a teenager and expect them to adapt to a family, your values (which they did not grow up with) and just meld into the family. I wish love conquered all but I learned from The School of Hard Knocks that it doesn't.</p><p></p><p>There are a lot of good books on adopting hurt children (which is what your children are). If you go on Amazon's site and put in "adopting hurt children" many good books will pop up. I suggest reading some of them. </p><p></p><p>Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck. But please lower your expectations. Your daughter may be fifteen, but her age was really arrested long ago and she is probably not mature. If her birthmother took drugs and drank while she was pregnant, you have THAT going on too. Alcohol can cause brain damage.</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation for your adopted kids plus a Psychologist who understands older adopted kids and attachment issues.</p><p></p><p>Been there/done that/wrote the book. Take care <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 344200, member: 1550"] I have adopted six kids. Three are wonderful, but we got them as very young babies. Now for the older adopted kids: One was easy to raise, but left us like he'd never known us. One was so abusive he had to leave (he killed our dogs and sexually abused our younger kids). The other had only been with us a year and when this boy sexually abused him, we let him go to another family, which is what he wanted. We adopted our younger kids at one day old (we watched her birth), five months old, and two. All three of these kids are doing great. The ones who did not do well in a family setting were seven, eleven and six when we adopted them. You adopted a teenager and after two years in your house (a small part of a chaotic life, you expect her to behave. in my opinion it isn't going to happen and hitting her with a belt won't help one bit. She has to have attachment issues and probably doesn't even really feel like she is your daughter yet. She probably learned to steal and lie because nobody was there to take care of her needs and she learned dysfuctional but necessary survival skills. Our out-of-town social worker for our eleven year old told us 96% of all kids in foster care were sexually abused at least one time along the way so that is probably going on. She likely was also hit...that's one reason why, no matter what, I'd put that belt away. A therapist once a month in my opinion is not enough. Nothing may be enough. But in my opinion it is asking too much to adopt a teenager and expect them to adapt to a family, your values (which they did not grow up with) and just meld into the family. I wish love conquered all but I learned from The School of Hard Knocks that it doesn't. There are a lot of good books on adopting hurt children (which is what your children are). If you go on Amazon's site and put in "adopting hurt children" many good books will pop up. I suggest reading some of them. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck. But please lower your expectations. Your daughter may be fifteen, but her age was really arrested long ago and she is probably not mature. If her birthmother took drugs and drank while she was pregnant, you have THAT going on too. Alcohol can cause brain damage. I highly recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation for your adopted kids plus a Psychologist who understands older adopted kids and attachment issues. Been there/done that/wrote the book. Take care ;) [/QUOTE]
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