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Hello ladies! (LONG)
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<blockquote data-quote="Alttlgabby" data-source="post: 344424" data-attributes="member: 6786"><p>Daisy Face.. thank you. </p><p> </p><p>Midwest Mom.. she was NEVER spanked while the other kids were. I am convinced she is a kleptomaniac as she does take things as well that do not have monitary value. She is also a pathological liar. She WAS sexually molested at the age of 13. Claims it was only ONE time, however, therapist and I agree that it was more than likely more than once given the fact that she would never talk. She has MANY issues going on. I do realize that, however, she DOES know right from wrong. She does know that having the weapon could be construed at school as having a weapon. As far as belting, it was my LAST resort to her behavior since we have done everything except hospitalize her. I do know some of her background as she is biologically my niece. As far as therapy goes, we go more than one time a month. It is usually 3-4 times per month.. once a week. This time we skipped a week because we thought she was doing well. That went right down the toilet. Yes, her mother did drugs. I believe that she some Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) stuff going on there as does her Pediatrician, so we are waiting on consult from the Naval Hospital in San Diego to go for testing for autism, Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), and genetics. I really do not believe that my expectations are that high,they may seem like it, but really aren't (the kids don't even do but a few chores around here). Simply abide by the rules and they aren't hard. No stealing, no lying. No drawing in class while you are supposed to be paying attention and taking notes. She missed two tests in one class in two weeks due to the drawing while she was supposed to be taking notes and doing vocabulary. We try to work towards rewards (my niece wants to take her to CA this summer to all the amusement parks) and she doesn't even seem to want to work towards that goal! It is like she simply does NOT care. I don't think that it is so much to ask that for ONE day not to draw in class, or not take something that doesn't belong to her, or not lie. (yes, I know in her world she may not be able to control it, but I was not sure which is why I wanted to try the belt to see if it was simply "behavioral" and the behavior could be rectified in this manner before trying behavioral health! She was always the "coddled" child while everyone else got in trouble.) Actually, it is not even just me doing the asking there in regards to the drawing, but the teacher. I don't want to steer anyone wrong in the fact that she can be a fantastic kid aside from the very issues that make it so insane, and when she is she gets praised for it. She does get hugs. We buy her things she has never had. She has more clothes in her closet than she knows what to do with. She gets to go to the mall with me, and also to the movies, etc.... She does get gentle reprimands as well.. and I KNOW my frustration was coming through in my post. It has been explained over and over and over that if she were to simply stop lying and stealing on a daily basis, she wouldn't get in so much trouble. People wouldn't be so hard on her. Part of her problem is that she tends to make excuses as well instead of owning up to things and then says she doesn't "remember". Yet, if you ask her what the "rule" is, she can tell you EXACTLY what the rule is and whether it was right or wrong. Her choices are wrong. I don't want to have to take her to a behavioral health place and that is why I tried the belt. I used it a few weeks ago and she straightened up. More so than grounding, taking privileges, etc... and believe me, I have about tried it all, because those apparently do not work with her. She acts like she could do those things forever. Doesn't phase her one bit. Last night, I again found more jewelry in her stuff that she had taken! I didn't belt her. I asked her where she got it and she lied to me. Told me her "friend" gave it to her. I know for a FACT that her friend did not give that to her because it was given to the oldest daughter by one of her friends. This kid has jewelry of her own. I mean, this is a chronic thing. This isn't some small issue. As I said before, if it were a once in awhile type thing, I could handle it, but this is an EVERY day thing and today I was really reseaching things. I was also in touch with her former foster mom about some of the issues she had while there. She stole from the YMCA there. She also snuck food in the middle of the night. When they cleaned out the girls room after they came here, they found all kinds of scraps of paper that she had just torn up and thrown under the bed as well as the food wrappers. She put holes in soap. She would take the fireplace matches when nobody was looking and take them downstairs and light them. Melted pens with pins sticking out the end were found but we don't know if it was intended as a weapon or what. I mean, it goes on and on. Yes, I am very frustrated. And yes, I can and will take the criticism as well as the advice. I have read this board for awhile to know that there are so many of you that have the tshirt in regards to these kids and that is why I knew I could type this all down here and not be judged as much for the things I feel or do in regards to my personal situation. You ladies are wonderful. Another hump in the road here, and we will get over it. I am not giving up on her. Will take a lot of time and a few more (maybe hundreds? LOL) doctors appointments, therapies, etc.. in order to get to the bottom of what she is thinking and why her brain tends to work the way that it does, and hopefully, HOW to help HER fix it in such a way she can function in society. Thanks ladies! </p><p>She is seeing the therapist. She saw a child psychologist, but I don't think it was complete neuro exam. We did find out we had some things going on with that. She sees a psychiatrist once a month for her medications and to see how she is doing. She is now on 4 different medications. Anxiety, depression, mood stabilizer and hyposensitivity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Alttlgabby, post: 344424, member: 6786"] Daisy Face.. thank you. Midwest Mom.. she was NEVER spanked while the other kids were. I am convinced she is a kleptomaniac as she does take things as well that do not have monitary value. She is also a pathological liar. She WAS sexually molested at the age of 13. Claims it was only ONE time, however, therapist and I agree that it was more than likely more than once given the fact that she would never talk. She has MANY issues going on. I do realize that, however, she DOES know right from wrong. She does know that having the weapon could be construed at school as having a weapon. As far as belting, it was my LAST resort to her behavior since we have done everything except hospitalize her. I do know some of her background as she is biologically my niece. As far as therapy goes, we go more than one time a month. It is usually 3-4 times per month.. once a week. This time we skipped a week because we thought she was doing well. That went right down the toilet. Yes, her mother did drugs. I believe that she some Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) stuff going on there as does her Pediatrician, so we are waiting on consult from the Naval Hospital in San Diego to go for testing for autism, Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), and genetics. I really do not believe that my expectations are that high,they may seem like it, but really aren't (the kids don't even do but a few chores around here). Simply abide by the rules and they aren't hard. No stealing, no lying. No drawing in class while you are supposed to be paying attention and taking notes. She missed two tests in one class in two weeks due to the drawing while she was supposed to be taking notes and doing vocabulary. We try to work towards rewards (my niece wants to take her to CA this summer to all the amusement parks) and she doesn't even seem to want to work towards that goal! It is like she simply does NOT care. I don't think that it is so much to ask that for ONE day not to draw in class, or not take something that doesn't belong to her, or not lie. (yes, I know in her world she may not be able to control it, but I was not sure which is why I wanted to try the belt to see if it was simply "behavioral" and the behavior could be rectified in this manner before trying behavioral health! She was always the "coddled" child while everyone else got in trouble.) Actually, it is not even just me doing the asking there in regards to the drawing, but the teacher. I don't want to steer anyone wrong in the fact that she can be a fantastic kid aside from the very issues that make it so insane, and when she is she gets praised for it. She does get hugs. We buy her things she has never had. She has more clothes in her closet than she knows what to do with. She gets to go to the mall with me, and also to the movies, etc.... She does get gentle reprimands as well.. and I KNOW my frustration was coming through in my post. It has been explained over and over and over that if she were to simply stop lying and stealing on a daily basis, she wouldn't get in so much trouble. People wouldn't be so hard on her. Part of her problem is that she tends to make excuses as well instead of owning up to things and then says she doesn't "remember". Yet, if you ask her what the "rule" is, she can tell you EXACTLY what the rule is and whether it was right or wrong. Her choices are wrong. I don't want to have to take her to a behavioral health place and that is why I tried the belt. I used it a few weeks ago and she straightened up. More so than grounding, taking privileges, etc... and believe me, I have about tried it all, because those apparently do not work with her. She acts like she could do those things forever. Doesn't phase her one bit. Last night, I again found more jewelry in her stuff that she had taken! I didn't belt her. I asked her where she got it and she lied to me. Told me her "friend" gave it to her. I know for a FACT that her friend did not give that to her because it was given to the oldest daughter by one of her friends. This kid has jewelry of her own. I mean, this is a chronic thing. This isn't some small issue. As I said before, if it were a once in awhile type thing, I could handle it, but this is an EVERY day thing and today I was really reseaching things. I was also in touch with her former foster mom about some of the issues she had while there. She stole from the YMCA there. She also snuck food in the middle of the night. When they cleaned out the girls room after they came here, they found all kinds of scraps of paper that she had just torn up and thrown under the bed as well as the food wrappers. She put holes in soap. She would take the fireplace matches when nobody was looking and take them downstairs and light them. Melted pens with pins sticking out the end were found but we don't know if it was intended as a weapon or what. I mean, it goes on and on. Yes, I am very frustrated. And yes, I can and will take the criticism as well as the advice. I have read this board for awhile to know that there are so many of you that have the tshirt in regards to these kids and that is why I knew I could type this all down here and not be judged as much for the things I feel or do in regards to my personal situation. You ladies are wonderful. Another hump in the road here, and we will get over it. I am not giving up on her. Will take a lot of time and a few more (maybe hundreds? LOL) doctors appointments, therapies, etc.. in order to get to the bottom of what she is thinking and why her brain tends to work the way that it does, and hopefully, HOW to help HER fix it in such a way she can function in society. Thanks ladies! She is seeing the therapist. She saw a child psychologist, but I don't think it was complete neuro exam. We did find out we had some things going on with that. She sees a psychiatrist once a month for her medications and to see how she is doing. She is now on 4 different medications. Anxiety, depression, mood stabilizer and hyposensitivity. [/QUOTE]
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