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Hello, my name is Jenn
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 525649" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome?</p><p></p><p>To really help, it would be good to have a back story on him. Why has he only been with you for two years? Has he been in foster care or is he a stepchild from an abusive or non-nurturing situation? I am thinking about attachment issues....</p><p></p><p>Most of us do not find an ODD diagnosis helpful. It does not address why the defiance is going on. </p><p></p><p>I'm an adoptive mom and if he came to you later in life, I would not take his behavior personally nor would I expect this to be anything but a very long, hard trek. Children who aren't nurtured by a consistant caregiver early in life tend not to learn how to attach well and think that nobody will be there for them except for themselves...they can be difficult to parent, sometimes impossible (as in this is not your fault). Unfortunately, they can also be very pleasant to outsiders, cover their hynies well and be very good at sweet talking therapists, policemen, anyone. We had a child like that. We adopted him at 11. He is not with us anymore. He was too dangerous to live with a family.</p><p></p><p>Do you have safety plans in place so that he does not have free access to your younger children when you are not with him (like at night?). What has he done to them that you know of? If he is adopted, have you spoken with the agency? I think you really all need family therapy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 525649, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome? To really help, it would be good to have a back story on him. Why has he only been with you for two years? Has he been in foster care or is he a stepchild from an abusive or non-nurturing situation? I am thinking about attachment issues.... Most of us do not find an ODD diagnosis helpful. It does not address why the defiance is going on. I'm an adoptive mom and if he came to you later in life, I would not take his behavior personally nor would I expect this to be anything but a very long, hard trek. Children who aren't nurtured by a consistant caregiver early in life tend not to learn how to attach well and think that nobody will be there for them except for themselves...they can be difficult to parent, sometimes impossible (as in this is not your fault). Unfortunately, they can also be very pleasant to outsiders, cover their hynies well and be very good at sweet talking therapists, policemen, anyone. We had a child like that. We adopted him at 11. He is not with us anymore. He was too dangerous to live with a family. Do you have safety plans in place so that he does not have free access to your younger children when you are not with him (like at night?). What has he done to them that you know of? If he is adopted, have you spoken with the agency? I think you really all need family therapy. [/QUOTE]
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