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Hello, my name is Jenn
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 525800" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>That must have been very heart breaking. Since you dont know what his life was like really, and since of course, even if it is not your fault, it hurts a young child to lose their primary care taker/primary bond....usually the mom....he really could have (among other things maybe) attachment problems.</p><p></p><p>some of the information I am sharing with you will seem like it wont apply by the title, because most about attachment is written by people connected with adoption. BUT attachment issues happen because in the very early years....pregnancy (I believe) but for sure birth to 3/4 there is a break in the bonding cycle. These are the years our core personality traits which allow us to trust others, depend on others, develop feelings of sympathy and empathy for others, develop. This is time we learn basic social connections skills. If there is a disruption (due to illness, pain, adoption, custody issues, abuse, neglect, many reasons) then there is a chance that some form of Reactive Attachment Disorder may develop. This is a spectrum disorder. From having problems not wanting to separate ever from parent(s), not being able to trust, having odd behaviors like hoarding food, having potty issues like peeing and pooping in strange places, or on things or smearing it....hurting animals and/or hurting people, acting out (some maybe even sexually), using anyone to get their needs met (not using mom or dad or whoever the primary is to trust the most, to ask for help or food or whatever)...acts just as bonded to a near stranger. May be sweet and charming and manipulative to others and then awful to the primary person they are trying to bond with....usually mom. Often sibs and animals/pets become targets of abuse by these kids. Some actually become completely anti-social. some start fires but this is a small minority of the whole range but there are people here who have lived it. Many of us have kids not as severely on the spectrum.</p><p></p><p>So, here are some links that may help. If you feel it could be part of what is going on it takes a specialized kind of therapist. If someone tells you they can work with it, and then they dont include you completely in the treatment, RUN....since it is attachment therapy the source of attachment must be a part of it. Make sure they are experts in treating attachment disorders, not "just have seen a few".</p><p></p><p>This may or may not be part of what is going on but it is a logical thing to check out given the history he has lived. Remember, he does nto need to have all of the symptoms to have problems in this area. So, it may be a piece of the puzzle that will really help you to look at. Hang in there....it is not easy to parent a child with such intense needs. It is very important as you obviously are doing...to get help regardless of the diagnosis because your other children are at huge risk from him. HUGS to you....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 525800, member: 12886"] That must have been very heart breaking. Since you dont know what his life was like really, and since of course, even if it is not your fault, it hurts a young child to lose their primary care taker/primary bond....usually the mom....he really could have (among other things maybe) attachment problems. some of the information I am sharing with you will seem like it wont apply by the title, because most about attachment is written by people connected with adoption. BUT attachment issues happen because in the very early years....pregnancy (I believe) but for sure birth to 3/4 there is a break in the bonding cycle. These are the years our core personality traits which allow us to trust others, depend on others, develop feelings of sympathy and empathy for others, develop. This is time we learn basic social connections skills. If there is a disruption (due to illness, pain, adoption, custody issues, abuse, neglect, many reasons) then there is a chance that some form of Reactive Attachment Disorder may develop. This is a spectrum disorder. From having problems not wanting to separate ever from parent(s), not being able to trust, having odd behaviors like hoarding food, having potty issues like peeing and pooping in strange places, or on things or smearing it....hurting animals and/or hurting people, acting out (some maybe even sexually), using anyone to get their needs met (not using mom or dad or whoever the primary is to trust the most, to ask for help or food or whatever)...acts just as bonded to a near stranger. May be sweet and charming and manipulative to others and then awful to the primary person they are trying to bond with....usually mom. Often sibs and animals/pets become targets of abuse by these kids. Some actually become completely anti-social. some start fires but this is a small minority of the whole range but there are people here who have lived it. Many of us have kids not as severely on the spectrum. So, here are some links that may help. If you feel it could be part of what is going on it takes a specialized kind of therapist. If someone tells you they can work with it, and then they dont include you completely in the treatment, RUN....since it is attachment therapy the source of attachment must be a part of it. Make sure they are experts in treating attachment disorders, not "just have seen a few". This may or may not be part of what is going on but it is a logical thing to check out given the history he has lived. Remember, he does nto need to have all of the symptoms to have problems in this area. So, it may be a piece of the puzzle that will really help you to look at. Hang in there....it is not easy to parent a child with such intense needs. It is very important as you obviously are doing...to get help regardless of the diagnosis because your other children are at huge risk from him. HUGS to you.... [/QUOTE]
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