Sleepymom your son's current behavior and difficulties sound alot like my son's as well. The emotional dysregulation and accompanying behavioral dysregulation sound familiar. Check out this NAMI brochure about borderline personality disorder and see if it resonates:
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Borderline_Personality_Disorder_(Borderline (Borderline (BPD)))&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=81017
I asked my son if he'd be willing to take an online survey, and sent him this link. He said it sounded spot on and was actually relieved that what he was suffering from had a name and that there was targeted treatment to help him to deal with his powerful out-of-control emotions and to help him control his often resultant out-of-control behavior. He didn't like his being out of control any more than we did. The intense shame that people who suffer with this often causes them to look outside themselves for blame as well. Maybe your son would be willing to take a look at it as well. Whether or not this happens to be the issue, it may at least open up opportunity to talk once again about real professional help, instead of simply enabling and rescuing from crisis to crisis.
http://www.counseling-office.com/surveys/test_borderline.phtml
You are not alone.
