After months of reading your posts, I am finally ready to introduce myself. I can't believe there are so many others out there like me! I'm sorry we're all here, but it's such a comfort to know I'm not alone. I am the mom of a 20-year-old difficult child son, and a wonderful 17-year-old easy child daughter. My son has been a handful for me since he learned to walk and talk, honestly. I remember calling his pediatrician when he was 4, basically begging for some help. They made me an appointment, but much to my dismay, called me back a few hours later and said after looking at his age, they realized he was "too young" for any type of ADHD evaluation. They advised me to wait until he started school and see how that went. I don't think I had ever cried so hard!! Fast forward to elementary school.....his Kindergarten teacher praised his good behavior in class. I couldn't believe it! So, we muddled through the next few years. He was always difficult for me.....I often had to make him do his homework.....it was difficult to get him out of bed in the morning, etc. But we managed. Some minor school misbehavior started about 5th grade. But, it was in middle school that everything really fell apart. Unbeknownst to me at the time, apparently he started smoking marijuana in the 6th grade, and from that point on was hooked. He managed to graduate 8th grade (barely). Freshman year of high school was a nightmare. He missed so much school.....simply wouldn't get out of bed on time. After arrests for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia, he ended up in juvenile detention for 6 months. Looking back now, that was such a peaceful time! I would go visit him every Saturday afternoon. He did well in the program there. I was able to focus on my daughter and my new husband while he was there. When he got out there was a brief honeymoon period, but things quickly went south again. He brought drugs into the household. My new husband (understandably) said he couldn't live like that. We looked into sending him to various rehabs or boot-camp type facilities, but unfortunately cost was a factor. difficult child's dad (my ex) was no help, and my husband and I couldn't afford it. So, out of desperation, to try and save my second marriage and provide a peaceful home life for my daughter, my husband and I put difficult child into a cheap apartment. It was close by, so I checked on him often, took him food, etc. He turned 18 while living in the apartment. Unfortunately, he completely dropped out of high school. No GED or anything. Fast forward to present day.....difficult child is now 20 and has been living with us since August. We could not afford the apartment anymore, and being that he truly had nowhere else to go, he moved back in. As I'm sure you predicted, it's not going well. He worked a few weeks for my husband, who has his own business, but of course that didn't work out long term. (difficult child has had 3 short-lived part-time jobs in his life.). Also....I think it's a combination of years of drug use and some pre-existing mental conditions, but difficult child's behavior is erratic and scary sometimes. He has these occasional "breakdowns," where he will yell and cry loudly when things don't go his way. It's like an adult version of a tantrum. In the past, he has punched holes in walls. He hasn't done that since moving back in with us (thinks he knows we'd kick him out), but he has broken his own cell phone and thrown/broken a couple of candles that he bought. Last night he threatened suicide. He said that he'd never hurt anyone else, but he might hurt himself. I was very close to calling 911, but he started calming down after we talked. I should probably mention......we took him to a psychiatrist when he was 14. He was diagnosed with definite ODD, and possible ADHD/Bipolar. I am starting to think the bipolar diagnosis was right on. But, of course, he doesn't think he has a problem. So, my question to you wonderful, experienced ladies is, what do you do with a grown child who is most likely mentally Ill, but refuses to get help? I am scared for us and scared for him, too. Really don't want him living here, but hate the thought of just putting him out on the street with his bag of clothes. Thanks for reading this novel, and thanks in advance for any replies! Glad I found y'all.