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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749022" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear 200meters:</p><p></p><p>I read your earlier post too and I share your dismay. You are clear about not wanting to use your savings to clean things up for your kid. At the same time you don't want to see him hurt. Anybody would feel desperate and helpless in this situation. I would, at least.</p><p></p><p>Your youngest has through his actions woven a web in which he is caught. And with him those who love him. While he seems to regret being caught up, he does not seem to know how to stop spinning or to extricate himself.</p><p></p><p>Anybody who steps into the web to help him will become part of it. If the criminals come to learn that you were the source of the funds, how would they not know that they could extort you for more money? While paying the debt would lead to a temporary respite, would it solve the situation once and for all? I wonder.</p><p></p><p>The solution would be to help son step away from the web so that he can begin anew. But how? With no supportive environments willing to take him, either because of his attitudes, actions or lifestyle. (And wouldn't that anyhow be a temporary solution, too, either because he seems to be facing serious consequences for the robbery and unpaid debts and enmeshment in this crime family?) And he seems not fully aware of how he is screwing up or unable to stop doing so, compounding his problems rather than resolving them. He keeps spinning the web.</p><p></p><p>In my experience most of us cannot avoid, sooner or later the consequences of what we do. You can't come up with ways out for him, because every road out comes face up with the reality of the web he has constructed which is his life, that he keeps spinning.</p><p></p><p>We as parents are in the same situation as our kids. We seek to escape and to find escape for our children. And each attempt to extricate ends up in more of a sticky mess. As long as we are in it with them. By either feeling responsible to extricate them. Or to vicariously experience their situations as our own. This is the reason for this site. We are all of us caught up. And we can't find ways out.</p><p></p><p>There is a reality of things that can't be avoided. The idea it can be cleaned up by acting within the web, seems to me to be flawed. This will have to be played out.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking of whether son can go to relatives far away, to start again. But facing charges how would that be possible? And who would take on a responsibility like this? Some would, but as long as he is facing charges, it's not a way out.... The web, again.</p><p></p><p>What I am unclear about (I skimmed the earlier post) is why he is incurring all of this debt and robbing? Does he have a drug problem? Is that the core issue? Is he himself at the heart of it, a criminal? Is this his identity and lifestyle? Rather than a victim is he a perpetrator? If this is the case, how do you clean something up which is at heart a dirty business? There is transformation possible but that has to be in his heart, not yours.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for how difficult this is. I am in a similar spot. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749022, member: 18958"] Dear 200meters: I read your earlier post too and I share your dismay. You are clear about not wanting to use your savings to clean things up for your kid. At the same time you don't want to see him hurt. Anybody would feel desperate and helpless in this situation. I would, at least. Your youngest has through his actions woven a web in which he is caught. And with him those who love him. While he seems to regret being caught up, he does not seem to know how to stop spinning or to extricate himself. Anybody who steps into the web to help him will become part of it. If the criminals come to learn that you were the source of the funds, how would they not know that they could extort you for more money? While paying the debt would lead to a temporary respite, would it solve the situation once and for all? I wonder. The solution would be to help son step away from the web so that he can begin anew. But how? With no supportive environments willing to take him, either because of his attitudes, actions or lifestyle. (And wouldn't that anyhow be a temporary solution, too, either because he seems to be facing serious consequences for the robbery and unpaid debts and enmeshment in this crime family?) And he seems not fully aware of how he is screwing up or unable to stop doing so, compounding his problems rather than resolving them. He keeps spinning the web. In my experience most of us cannot avoid, sooner or later the consequences of what we do. You can't come up with ways out for him, because every road out comes face up with the reality of the web he has constructed which is his life, that he keeps spinning. We as parents are in the same situation as our kids. We seek to escape and to find escape for our children. And each attempt to extricate ends up in more of a sticky mess. As long as we are in it with them. By either feeling responsible to extricate them. Or to vicariously experience their situations as our own. This is the reason for this site. We are all of us caught up. And we can't find ways out. There is a reality of things that can't be avoided. The idea it can be cleaned up by acting within the web, seems to me to be flawed. This will have to be played out. I am thinking of whether son can go to relatives far away, to start again. But facing charges how would that be possible? And who would take on a responsibility like this? Some would, but as long as he is facing charges, it's not a way out.... The web, again. What I am unclear about (I skimmed the earlier post) is why he is incurring all of this debt and robbing? Does he have a drug problem? Is that the core issue? Is he himself at the heart of it, a criminal? Is this his identity and lifestyle? Rather than a victim is he a perpetrator? If this is the case, how do you clean something up which is at heart a dirty business? There is transformation possible but that has to be in his heart, not yours. I am sorry for how difficult this is. I am in a similar spot. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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