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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749076" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear 200Meters.</p><p></p><p>I listened to the Cat Stevens song over and over and read on Wikipedia how his life has gone. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>You are doing great!</p><p></p><p>It sounds like youngest seems comfortable at the moment in his skin and life.</p><p></p><p>This is a common state of affairs with our children who bring us here. That we are the ones who do the suffering, for the most part. We suffer because they cause us to suffer with them. They want us to feel their distress and to solve it for them. Or we suffer because of how they live. When they suffer not at all.</p><p></p><p>If I had to describe the focus of this website it is that. To learn to not suffer so much for them. To learn to not suffer so much at their hand, or due to their influence, or due to a lack of sufficient boundaries from them and the effects of their lives on us.</p><p></p><p>When we come here often we have inserted ourselves into their lives. To steer. To guide. To protect. To control.</p><p></p><p>When they fight us, ignore us, resist us, insult us, we get more and more distressed. Then we realize we are outside of our own lane. These are adults. They have a right to autonomy.</p><p></p><p>But we do too. Autonomy in our homes. Autonomy over our money. Autonomy for our minds and spirits.</p><p></p><p>So, that younger son seems to be at peace, at rest, on pause, is a great opportunity for you to do as you are doing, to recalibrate your focus away from him, to you, your wife, your home, your lives and faith, to reorient <em>to your life</em> that is doing just fine, thank you.</p><p></p><p>To leave him be. For now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749076, member: 18958"] Dear 200Meters. I listened to the Cat Stevens song over and over and read on Wikipedia how his life has gone. Thank you. You are doing great! It sounds like youngest seems comfortable at the moment in his skin and life. This is a common state of affairs with our children who bring us here. That we are the ones who do the suffering, for the most part. We suffer because they cause us to suffer with them. They want us to feel their distress and to solve it for them. Or we suffer because of how they live. When they suffer not at all. If I had to describe the focus of this website it is that. To learn to not suffer so much for them. To learn to not suffer so much at their hand, or due to their influence, or due to a lack of sufficient boundaries from them and the effects of their lives on us. When we come here often we have inserted ourselves into their lives. To steer. To guide. To protect. To control. When they fight us, ignore us, resist us, insult us, we get more and more distressed. Then we realize we are outside of our own lane. These are adults. They have a right to autonomy. But we do too. Autonomy in our homes. Autonomy over our money. Autonomy for our minds and spirits. So, that younger son seems to be at peace, at rest, on pause, is a great opportunity for you to do as you are doing, to recalibrate your focus away from him, to you, your wife, your home, your lives and faith, to reorient [I]to your life[/I] that is doing just fine, thank you. To leave him be. For now. [/QUOTE]
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