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help about feeling hateful
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 467385" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>So sorry you are struggling (like many of us here). in my humble opinion and by federal law, if you are in the USA, no matter how severe your son's behaviors are there is no way they have a right to expel or demand you homeschool him. Homeschooling works for some, but for those of us who spend every minute negotiating land mines, it can be just too much. If the reward/consequence plans dont work then they dont work. If a system is stuck in these and in asking you to use these, then they are just plain limited and untrained. Many kids need much more support than that. All of the things that can trigger them must be considered (medications, illness, sensory things, kids bugging them, hunger, fatigue, whatever) and then the environment needs to be adjusted to help reduce those things. Consequences often help kids stop a behavior in the short term... they do for my son, but for mine, it makes NO DIFFERENCE in the long run. It is not like before he blows up he says, "Oh I better not do that or I will get one of those suspensions I hate so much". Now, when he is in a calm state he will say that he promises not to because he loves to be at school. But in those stress times when their brain is not functioning well, sigh, so silly to expect more out of them. My son's behavior program is geared to teaching him to regulate his states and how to move from one state to another. I still have to fight admin. to get them to follow it but the sp. ed folks are doing an awsome job. He is 14 and it has taken till the end of last year to get this in place. On and off they have done ok things but it always ends up with people using the punishment/reward stuff and it just doesn't work.</p><p></p><p>In regard to your feeling like you hate your child. THAT is normal. My sisters and I confessed this to eachother too, and other dark thoughts during stressful times and they dont have kids with special needs! Very hard for me to allow a hug after horrible behaviors, it feels so manipulative. But, often it is just that it is really over for my difficult child. I wont say to him I hate him, and indeed I dont but I sure hate what is going on and hate his behavior and I dont deserve to be hit, lied to, have my stuff wrecked, etc. no matter the cause. If you were all sunshine and roses thru that, THEN I would worry. Take care and you are in a safe place to say what you feel.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 467385, member: 12886"] So sorry you are struggling (like many of us here). in my humble opinion and by federal law, if you are in the USA, no matter how severe your son's behaviors are there is no way they have a right to expel or demand you homeschool him. Homeschooling works for some, but for those of us who spend every minute negotiating land mines, it can be just too much. If the reward/consequence plans dont work then they dont work. If a system is stuck in these and in asking you to use these, then they are just plain limited and untrained. Many kids need much more support than that. All of the things that can trigger them must be considered (medications, illness, sensory things, kids bugging them, hunger, fatigue, whatever) and then the environment needs to be adjusted to help reduce those things. Consequences often help kids stop a behavior in the short term... they do for my son, but for mine, it makes NO DIFFERENCE in the long run. It is not like before he blows up he says, "Oh I better not do that or I will get one of those suspensions I hate so much". Now, when he is in a calm state he will say that he promises not to because he loves to be at school. But in those stress times when their brain is not functioning well, sigh, so silly to expect more out of them. My son's behavior program is geared to teaching him to regulate his states and how to move from one state to another. I still have to fight admin. to get them to follow it but the sp. ed folks are doing an awsome job. He is 14 and it has taken till the end of last year to get this in place. On and off they have done ok things but it always ends up with people using the punishment/reward stuff and it just doesn't work. In regard to your feeling like you hate your child. THAT is normal. My sisters and I confessed this to eachother too, and other dark thoughts during stressful times and they dont have kids with special needs! Very hard for me to allow a hug after horrible behaviors, it feels so manipulative. But, often it is just that it is really over for my difficult child. I wont say to him I hate him, and indeed I dont but I sure hate what is going on and hate his behavior and I dont deserve to be hit, lied to, have my stuff wrecked, etc. no matter the cause. If you were all sunshine and roses thru that, THEN I would worry. Take care and you are in a safe place to say what you feel. [/QUOTE]
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