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help about feeling hateful
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 467466" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>I too have felt that I just did not love him anymore, and I understand not wanting to touch hug or anything else. I went through the motions trying to hide it. I do believe that if we put up with everything that we need to go through then we must love him at some point, but it sure can be hard to find it. Letting him know how I felt would have been the wrong thing to do. My difficult child is so upset when I showed any attention to anyone else that to let him know I felt negative feelings towards him would have cause an explosion with enough power to launch a Saturn 5. Last week he stated that he believed that I was closer to "difficult child in training" then him. (Well of course, "difficult child in training" treats me like a human). He was slightly upset and stated that he believed I was closer to "difficult child in training" because he likes to do the same things I like and thus we spend more time together. But yet as a 16 year old difficult child really did not want to spend any time with me. We talked through it and he left the conversation calmer. And, without picking on "difficult child in training".</p><p></p><p>Love is not always defined by the emotion. I have spent more time, money, energy, sleepless nights and every resources I can imagine on difficult child then the other two combined. I have forgiven more rude and nasty behavior, I have provided more attention and support. I think this is still love even through I want to get a way and don't want to touch him. </p><p></p><p>What can you do? Learn to fake it, smile and hug even when you don't want to. Find some kind of escape even if it is just a 5 minute cup of your favorite beverage while hidden in the stairwell. Walk away when he is raging. Don't share things important to you with him.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is getting much better then he was a couple of years ago. So I am starting to feel close again and have positive hope for the future. So hang in for now it might get better. Although I do wonder that when I am in my late 90s and start losing my memory. When difficult child is a grown adult, and I only remember him as a difficult child child. Will I say what I am thinking then? I'll be the child like one. He'll have to put up with me.</p><p></p><p>aeroeng</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Rewards and punishment only became something else to fight over for us. We did better without them. The techniques in Dr. Greens book, the explosive child worked much better for us. Also a technique called "reflecting" helped.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 467466, member: 6557"] I too have felt that I just did not love him anymore, and I understand not wanting to touch hug or anything else. I went through the motions trying to hide it. I do believe that if we put up with everything that we need to go through then we must love him at some point, but it sure can be hard to find it. Letting him know how I felt would have been the wrong thing to do. My difficult child is so upset when I showed any attention to anyone else that to let him know I felt negative feelings towards him would have cause an explosion with enough power to launch a Saturn 5. Last week he stated that he believed that I was closer to "difficult child in training" then him. (Well of course, "difficult child in training" treats me like a human). He was slightly upset and stated that he believed I was closer to "difficult child in training" because he likes to do the same things I like and thus we spend more time together. But yet as a 16 year old difficult child really did not want to spend any time with me. We talked through it and he left the conversation calmer. And, without picking on "difficult child in training". Love is not always defined by the emotion. I have spent more time, money, energy, sleepless nights and every resources I can imagine on difficult child then the other two combined. I have forgiven more rude and nasty behavior, I have provided more attention and support. I think this is still love even through I want to get a way and don't want to touch him. What can you do? Learn to fake it, smile and hug even when you don't want to. Find some kind of escape even if it is just a 5 minute cup of your favorite beverage while hidden in the stairwell. Walk away when he is raging. Don't share things important to you with him. My difficult child is getting much better then he was a couple of years ago. So I am starting to feel close again and have positive hope for the future. So hang in for now it might get better. Although I do wonder that when I am in my late 90s and start losing my memory. When difficult child is a grown adult, and I only remember him as a difficult child child. Will I say what I am thinking then? I'll be the child like one. He'll have to put up with me. aeroeng Rewards and punishment only became something else to fight over for us. We did better without them. The techniques in Dr. Greens book, the explosive child worked much better for us. Also a technique called "reflecting" helped. [/QUOTE]
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