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Help desperately needed for my abused kids
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 720777" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I went through something like this with a child we adopted at 11. I have shared the story many times and Im sure its in the archives, but it tires me mentally to type it out.</p><p></p><p>I will just say the abuse and seperation from father in my opinion likely caused a serious attachment disorder. Your son is acting like an unattached kid and since he was sexually abused he is at risk to sexually act out on younger children, which happened to us. The child was so dangerous, he had to leave. At 13 the state took him.</p><p></p><p>Cruelty to animals is serious and dangerous. Our son did most of his animal abuse behind our backs until, at 13, he killed two dogs. If you have pets please rehome them. You dont know what your son could do to them or even may be doing when you dont see.</p><p></p><p>This poor child has been very seriously damaged and needs very very intensive ongoing therapy to even start healing. Look up Reactive Attachment Disorder. Now he may have MANY disorders, but Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is probably one of them and it causes violence, lack of remorse, crazy lying (lying even when caught in the act), total defiance, lack of affection unless it is on his terms usually to gain something, often inappropriate bathroom habits, playing with fire, cruelty to animals and can mean sexually inappropriate actions and often they are friendly and charming to strangers. So nobody believes us.</p><p></p><p>Your sons obsessions remind me of autism. He may also be on the spectrum.</p><p></p><p>How does he do at school? Often they are ok there.</p><p></p><p>My suggestion is finding a psychologist who truly understands abuse snd attachment issues and take both kids. The girl may not act out, but she probably needs help anyway. No child can have the type of abuse those kids had at the hands of father and friends and NOT desperately need help. Dont be in denial. You must know this. If not, your daughter will show signs of her abuse later. This must be dealt with NOW. My family had to do it. It was worth it. This 11 year old was very abusive to my two younger kids. And we did not know. But thos child left our home once we found out and we all had to heal in therapy. This brought us closer.. hub, me and our two young kids. You must do very hard work in therapy...all of you.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion Son attaches to your SO to upset you or maybe because he was not around during the abuse, but it does not sound like a healthy attachment. Something is "off" about it. If he attached, so to speak, very quickly to him...almost before they even knew each other....that is another sign of unhealthy attachment...dont take it personally.</p><p></p><p>Im sorry you are going through this. Please get appropriate mental health care for all of you. Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 720777, member: 1550"] I went through something like this with a child we adopted at 11. I have shared the story many times and Im sure its in the archives, but it tires me mentally to type it out. I will just say the abuse and seperation from father in my opinion likely caused a serious attachment disorder. Your son is acting like an unattached kid and since he was sexually abused he is at risk to sexually act out on younger children, which happened to us. The child was so dangerous, he had to leave. At 13 the state took him. Cruelty to animals is serious and dangerous. Our son did most of his animal abuse behind our backs until, at 13, he killed two dogs. If you have pets please rehome them. You dont know what your son could do to them or even may be doing when you dont see. This poor child has been very seriously damaged and needs very very intensive ongoing therapy to even start healing. Look up Reactive Attachment Disorder. Now he may have MANY disorders, but Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is probably one of them and it causes violence, lack of remorse, crazy lying (lying even when caught in the act), total defiance, lack of affection unless it is on his terms usually to gain something, often inappropriate bathroom habits, playing with fire, cruelty to animals and can mean sexually inappropriate actions and often they are friendly and charming to strangers. So nobody believes us. Your sons obsessions remind me of autism. He may also be on the spectrum. How does he do at school? Often they are ok there. My suggestion is finding a psychologist who truly understands abuse snd attachment issues and take both kids. The girl may not act out, but she probably needs help anyway. No child can have the type of abuse those kids had at the hands of father and friends and NOT desperately need help. Dont be in denial. You must know this. If not, your daughter will show signs of her abuse later. This must be dealt with NOW. My family had to do it. It was worth it. This 11 year old was very abusive to my two younger kids. And we did not know. But thos child left our home once we found out and we all had to heal in therapy. This brought us closer.. hub, me and our two young kids. You must do very hard work in therapy...all of you. in my opinion Son attaches to your SO to upset you or maybe because he was not around during the abuse, but it does not sound like a healthy attachment. Something is "off" about it. If he attached, so to speak, very quickly to him...almost before they even knew each other....that is another sign of unhealthy attachment...dont take it personally. Im sorry you are going through this. Please get appropriate mental health care for all of you. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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