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Help her? Let her sink? What's a mom of an 18 yr old to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 209856" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to PE <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> by the way, I still love your user name. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p> </p><p>Bottom line?</p><p> </p><p><strong>You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves.</strong></p><p> </p><p>You can try when they're under 18, but once they hit that golden number.......there isn't anything you can do.</p><p> </p><p>But what you <strong>can</strong> do is decide what you will/will not do to improve the situation. First come up with a list of behaviors you simply won't tolerate if difficult child is to remain at home getting help from you and the family, such as the violence, therapy/psychiatrist treatment refusal, no job, ect. And in my opinion violence should be at the top of that list. This list would be causes for eviction from the home. Then set up a list of rules/guidelines that she needs to forfill in order to remain in the home and get help from you.</p><p> </p><p>You have to decide what your limits are. And then follow thru. Otherwise there is little or no chance anything is going to improve.</p><p> </p><p>Some examples of the rules I have for my grown difficult children still living at home:</p><p> </p><p>1. Violence is immediate eviction</p><p> </p><p>2. Must either be in school fulltime or working fulltime.</p><p> </p><p>3. If working, must pay rent each month. (Travis pays 50.00 a month)</p><p> </p><p>4. Must abide by house rules. (pretty much ordinary stuff)</p><p> </p><p>5. Must actively be taking steps toward independence. </p><p> </p><p>The last one was added for Nichole. She's been so scared to leave the nest and take steps toward adulthood. So far she's gotten her license, opened and maintaining a bank account, and is now doing well in college.</p><p> </p><p>I do not <strong>help</strong> them in following these rules. Didn't teach Nichole to drive, ect. They have to do it on their own. medications/treatment isn't included in their list right now as it doesn't need to be, although both kids know that is subject to change as needed.</p><p> </p><p>You have the right to have peace in your own home. You've done your job. I do very very little to help my kids now that they're adults. Need to learn is a great motivator to do just that.</p><p> </p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 209856, member: 84"] Welcome to PE :) by the way, I still love your user name. :D Bottom line? [B]You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves.[/B] You can try when they're under 18, but once they hit that golden number.......there isn't anything you can do. But what you [B]can[/B] do is decide what you will/will not do to improve the situation. First come up with a list of behaviors you simply won't tolerate if difficult child is to remain at home getting help from you and the family, such as the violence, therapy/psychiatrist treatment refusal, no job, ect. And in my opinion violence should be at the top of that list. This list would be causes for eviction from the home. Then set up a list of rules/guidelines that she needs to forfill in order to remain in the home and get help from you. You have to decide what your limits are. And then follow thru. Otherwise there is little or no chance anything is going to improve. Some examples of the rules I have for my grown difficult children still living at home: 1. Violence is immediate eviction 2. Must either be in school fulltime or working fulltime. 3. If working, must pay rent each month. (Travis pays 50.00 a month) 4. Must abide by house rules. (pretty much ordinary stuff) 5. Must actively be taking steps toward independence. The last one was added for Nichole. She's been so scared to leave the nest and take steps toward adulthood. So far she's gotten her license, opened and maintaining a bank account, and is now doing well in college. I do not [B]help[/B] them in following these rules. Didn't teach Nichole to drive, ect. They have to do it on their own. medications/treatment isn't included in their list right now as it doesn't need to be, although both kids know that is subject to change as needed. You have the right to have peace in your own home. You've done your job. I do very very little to help my kids now that they're adults. Need to learn is a great motivator to do just that. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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Help her? Let her sink? What's a mom of an 18 yr old to do?
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