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Help her? Let her sink? What's a mom of an 18 yr old to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 209907" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>I am right where you are, except my difficult child is 20. But the same stopping medications/having reactions to medications, not working or losing jobs, not doing anything, eating and gaining weight, pending court case ... it's all there.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child just had a bad medications reaction and I felt bad for him and have worried about him living on his own - what if he reacts like that again? But for the past few days he's been off medications and it's getting ugly at our house. I'm now reminded of everything I've been saying to others and trying to accomplish in my own life! In other words, HE has to fix his life, just as your difficult child has to. I can't make him get up and have a productive day, or somehow make him succeed at a new job, or anything else. I have to decide what I'm prepared or not prepared to do and tolerate, and live by that.</p><p></p><p>For example, I agree that living at home after 18 is a privilege and complete respect for others and for the house is critical. This is becoming an issue with difficult child off medications. On medications, he's fine. So the item on my list of requirements to live at home is going to have to be that he must be on medications (in addition to showing respect). </p><p></p><p>In your situation, if you can try to take a step back and let your daughter own her own issues, it will help both her and you. She needs to work out her medications with her therapist (20 - 80 mg daily is the usual adult dosage range). If she won't take them, you can't make her; all you can do is decide whether she may live with you and how much you're willing to do for her. But please, don't feel guilty over having done things for her!</p><p></p><p>"I feel guilty that I've created her dependence on me by permitting her to manipulate me with her illness." </p><p></p><p>That thinking will keep you running in circles. If you've realized she has manipulated you, try to think in terms of: "Ok, that's not good for either of us. Now that I see it, I won't continue the cycle." Her dependence will only go away if you stop doing things for her. For example, it's good that she rides the bus; but why do you 'have to' pick her up at the bus stop? Unless it's more than a mile or two away or there's some specific reason, she could walk. </p><p></p><p>Like the others, I would suspect that drugs may be playing a larger role than can be seen on the surface. This is something your daughter's psychiatrist will have to look into. She may need rehab before anything else.</p><p></p><p>Sorry, I'm not trying to lecture! I'm in the same boat. Hugs and encouragement!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 209907, member: 2884"] I am right where you are, except my difficult child is 20. But the same stopping medications/having reactions to medications, not working or losing jobs, not doing anything, eating and gaining weight, pending court case ... it's all there. My difficult child just had a bad medications reaction and I felt bad for him and have worried about him living on his own - what if he reacts like that again? But for the past few days he's been off medications and it's getting ugly at our house. I'm now reminded of everything I've been saying to others and trying to accomplish in my own life! In other words, HE has to fix his life, just as your difficult child has to. I can't make him get up and have a productive day, or somehow make him succeed at a new job, or anything else. I have to decide what I'm prepared or not prepared to do and tolerate, and live by that. For example, I agree that living at home after 18 is a privilege and complete respect for others and for the house is critical. This is becoming an issue with difficult child off medications. On medications, he's fine. So the item on my list of requirements to live at home is going to have to be that he must be on medications (in addition to showing respect). In your situation, if you can try to take a step back and let your daughter own her own issues, it will help both her and you. She needs to work out her medications with her therapist (20 - 80 mg daily is the usual adult dosage range). If she won't take them, you can't make her; all you can do is decide whether she may live with you and how much you're willing to do for her. But please, don't feel guilty over having done things for her! "I feel guilty that I've created her dependence on me by permitting her to manipulate me with her illness." That thinking will keep you running in circles. If you've realized she has manipulated you, try to think in terms of: "Ok, that's not good for either of us. Now that I see it, I won't continue the cycle." Her dependence will only go away if you stop doing things for her. For example, it's good that she rides the bus; but why do you 'have to' pick her up at the bus stop? Unless it's more than a mile or two away or there's some specific reason, she could walk. Like the others, I would suspect that drugs may be playing a larger role than can be seen on the surface. This is something your daughter's psychiatrist will have to look into. She may need rehab before anything else. Sorry, I'm not trying to lecture! I'm in the same boat. Hugs and encouragement! [/QUOTE]
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Help her? Let her sink? What's a mom of an 18 yr old to do?
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