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Help-Im waivering w no support from husband and a crying gtg on the streets
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 526689" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>(((hugs)))</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board hon. You're doing ok, it just doesn't feel like it right now. The beginning stages of detachment can be really painful until you learn to distance yourself from problems difficult child creates for himself. It's a process though, it's not something that is going to happen over night. It is indeed ridiculously hard.</p><p></p><p>You and husband have done the right thing. Your difficult child is 23 yrs old, more than old enough to be out on his own in the world.......even if he didn't have difficult child status. If he refuses to follow house rules, he has no business being in your home. Your House Your Rules. Living at home as an adult is a privilege, not a right. He's never going to learn to be a man if someone is always running to his rescue. Instead, he will take advantage of the perpetual teenhood because he will have no motivation to change his behavior. And he is calling you ect, because it has worked before, he expects it will work again eventually, he just has to wear you down. </p><p></p><p>It might get much worse before it gets better. Because as you don't react according to the set pattern, he's going to pull out everything he can think of to get things back the way they were, which were H*ll on you but wonderful for him. </p><p></p><p>Success stories? Yes. We have them. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> My Nichole is one. Stable, married, about to buy her first home, great mommy to 2 beautiful kids. It wasn't an easy road by far..... But they have to <strong>want</strong> to change, see the need to change or they're not going to change. My Katie has yet to see this at 32, but then she's had bio mom holding her up most of her adult life when I refused to. Now that bio mom can't.......I'm hoping she begins to see the light, but at 32 I'm not very hopeful old patterns are hard to break by the time you reach a certain age. Katie had no reason to <strong>want</strong> to change her life because it was working for her. </p><p></p><p>As far as dxes go, sadly........as long as he's dabbling with drugs they're not accurate. Being high or withdrawal symptoms mimic many dxes, when that is all it is.....the body's reaction to the drugs. Yes, there could be an actual diagnosis there, you just can't be sure what it is until the drugs are no longer an issue. </p><p></p><p>As for your husband, it often takes one parent longer to "see the light" than others. It's much easier with both parents on board giving each other support. But don't be surpirsed it's taking husband a while. And yeah, you can know you're doing the right thing and what needs to be done and still be POed as heck about it., about the need to do it. If you know what I mean. </p><p></p><p>Your husband is lucky he has two very patient parents. If he were my son his rear would be sitting in a jail cell for theft. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 526689, member: 84"] (((hugs))) Welcome to the board hon. You're doing ok, it just doesn't feel like it right now. The beginning stages of detachment can be really painful until you learn to distance yourself from problems difficult child creates for himself. It's a process though, it's not something that is going to happen over night. It is indeed ridiculously hard. You and husband have done the right thing. Your difficult child is 23 yrs old, more than old enough to be out on his own in the world.......even if he didn't have difficult child status. If he refuses to follow house rules, he has no business being in your home. Your House Your Rules. Living at home as an adult is a privilege, not a right. He's never going to learn to be a man if someone is always running to his rescue. Instead, he will take advantage of the perpetual teenhood because he will have no motivation to change his behavior. And he is calling you ect, because it has worked before, he expects it will work again eventually, he just has to wear you down. It might get much worse before it gets better. Because as you don't react according to the set pattern, he's going to pull out everything he can think of to get things back the way they were, which were H*ll on you but wonderful for him. Success stories? Yes. We have them. :) My Nichole is one. Stable, married, about to buy her first home, great mommy to 2 beautiful kids. It wasn't an easy road by far..... But they have to [B]want[/B] to change, see the need to change or they're not going to change. My Katie has yet to see this at 32, but then she's had bio mom holding her up most of her adult life when I refused to. Now that bio mom can't.......I'm hoping she begins to see the light, but at 32 I'm not very hopeful old patterns are hard to break by the time you reach a certain age. Katie had no reason to [B]want[/B] to change her life because it was working for her. As far as dxes go, sadly........as long as he's dabbling with drugs they're not accurate. Being high or withdrawal symptoms mimic many dxes, when that is all it is.....the body's reaction to the drugs. Yes, there could be an actual diagnosis there, you just can't be sure what it is until the drugs are no longer an issue. As for your husband, it often takes one parent longer to "see the light" than others. It's much easier with both parents on board giving each other support. But don't be surpirsed it's taking husband a while. And yeah, you can know you're doing the right thing and what needs to be done and still be POed as heck about it., about the need to do it. If you know what I mean. Your husband is lucky he has two very patient parents. If he were my son his rear would be sitting in a jail cell for theft. I'm glad you found us. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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Help-Im waivering w no support from husband and a crying gtg on the streets
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