Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Help-Im waivering w no support from husband and a crying gtg on the streets
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 526886" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are TOTALLY doing the right thing. Your son would be in a jail cell if he were mine too. For stealing, for drugs, for abusing my property, for all of it.</p><p></p><p>The 15yo is NOT the one out of the house, as I remember your other post, right? He is the one at home who NEEDS parenting still. The older one? Needs to learn to be independent - a MAN instead of a MANCHILD.</p><p></p><p>You are NOT just doing this for you and for husband and for difficult child. You are doing this so that your 15yo can have a SAFE home to live in. He is a MINOR and that is a legal responsibility of yours. If child protection found out that you let your 23yo drug using son live with you and have his thief friends around, they COULD come and remove your 15yo. That actually is a reality that CAN happen. </p><p></p><p>It is truly painful and hard to detach, esp at the early stages. But you MUST do what is needed to make sure your 15yo is safe and healthy. Your older son did NOT have to survive in a home with a drug user who brought his thieving friends around to help with criminal activity in your home, did he? WHY is it that your younger son should be FORCED to live that way? How is that fair or right in ANY world? </p><p></p><p>You need to keep your mind focused on that instead of on your older adult son crying about being hungry. Chances are he is only crying because his free ride is interrupted and he is thinking that if he cries and lies long enough then you will let him come back home.</p><p></p><p>Do you remember when he was a toddler and didn't want to go to sleep? You put him in bed and he would beg for water, the potty, a story, and on and on. So you finally had to walk away and let him learn to go to sleep by himself. So he would cry and cry and you went to comfort him. But the next night he would cry even LONGER and LONGER. And each night that you went in and comforted him, he cried a little longer. That one minute of crying went to 3 aand to 5 and to 10 and to 20 and you kept giving in. The more you gave in, the longer he would cry.</p><p></p><p>When you were finally too exhausted or at your wit's end and you let him just cry until he went to sleep, it took forever. but the next night he didn't cry nearly so long. He learned that his crying was NOT going to get what he wanted so he stopped oding it.</p><p></p><p>This is EXACTLY what your difficult child is doing now. He is crying for you to come and 'rescue' him. But he does NOT need rescuing. He needs to learn to figure it out just like he figured out how to go to sleep or to walk or to do any other thing. The more you let him come back, the longer the pain of the first part of detaching will last. Don't answer the phone every time he calls, don't EVER give him money, make him figure it out. It won't be as bad as he says, esp not at first. And if he is forced to, he WILL figgure it out.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs))))) I am sorry that you and husband are hurting. Please make SURE that the 15yo knows that he is to NOT let bro in and is NOT to give bro anything. It is NOT his job and difficult child may put heavy pressure on him. So teach him how to say no so that he will be prepared to handle the call from his brother. </p><p></p><p>Please remember that you are NOT just doing this for difficult child, or for you or husband. You are also doing it in a BIG way to make sure your 15yo has a safe and healthy home. Right now the 15yo's needs MUST be the priority and NOT the 23yo's.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 526886, member: 1233"] You are TOTALLY doing the right thing. Your son would be in a jail cell if he were mine too. For stealing, for drugs, for abusing my property, for all of it. The 15yo is NOT the one out of the house, as I remember your other post, right? He is the one at home who NEEDS parenting still. The older one? Needs to learn to be independent - a MAN instead of a MANCHILD. You are NOT just doing this for you and for husband and for difficult child. You are doing this so that your 15yo can have a SAFE home to live in. He is a MINOR and that is a legal responsibility of yours. If child protection found out that you let your 23yo drug using son live with you and have his thief friends around, they COULD come and remove your 15yo. That actually is a reality that CAN happen. It is truly painful and hard to detach, esp at the early stages. But you MUST do what is needed to make sure your 15yo is safe and healthy. Your older son did NOT have to survive in a home with a drug user who brought his thieving friends around to help with criminal activity in your home, did he? WHY is it that your younger son should be FORCED to live that way? How is that fair or right in ANY world? You need to keep your mind focused on that instead of on your older adult son crying about being hungry. Chances are he is only crying because his free ride is interrupted and he is thinking that if he cries and lies long enough then you will let him come back home. Do you remember when he was a toddler and didn't want to go to sleep? You put him in bed and he would beg for water, the potty, a story, and on and on. So you finally had to walk away and let him learn to go to sleep by himself. So he would cry and cry and you went to comfort him. But the next night he would cry even LONGER and LONGER. And each night that you went in and comforted him, he cried a little longer. That one minute of crying went to 3 aand to 5 and to 10 and to 20 and you kept giving in. The more you gave in, the longer he would cry. When you were finally too exhausted or at your wit's end and you let him just cry until he went to sleep, it took forever. but the next night he didn't cry nearly so long. He learned that his crying was NOT going to get what he wanted so he stopped oding it. This is EXACTLY what your difficult child is doing now. He is crying for you to come and 'rescue' him. But he does NOT need rescuing. He needs to learn to figure it out just like he figured out how to go to sleep or to walk or to do any other thing. The more you let him come back, the longer the pain of the first part of detaching will last. Don't answer the phone every time he calls, don't EVER give him money, make him figure it out. It won't be as bad as he says, esp not at first. And if he is forced to, he WILL figgure it out. (((((hugs))))) I am sorry that you and husband are hurting. Please make SURE that the 15yo knows that he is to NOT let bro in and is NOT to give bro anything. It is NOT his job and difficult child may put heavy pressure on him. So teach him how to say no so that he will be prepared to handle the call from his brother. Please remember that you are NOT just doing this for difficult child, or for you or husband. You are also doing it in a BIG way to make sure your 15yo has a safe and healthy home. Right now the 15yo's needs MUST be the priority and NOT the 23yo's. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Help-Im waivering w no support from husband and a crying gtg on the streets
Top