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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 311596" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! You have totally found the right place!! This is a place you can find support and friends, ideas and motivation, hugs and laughter. No one here will be surprised by much of anything your kids can do. </p><p></p><p>Or by anything they do to try to weasel out from taking responsibility!</p><p></p><p>Most of us can truly empathize with much you have gone through or will go through because we have been there done that or at least been through something similar.</p><p></p><p>The books that Nomad suggested are: Yes! Your Teen Is Crazy. Loving your Kid without Losing Your Mind, by Michael J Bradley and When Things Get Crazy With Your Teen: The Why, The How & What To Do Now by the same author.</p><p></p><p>The Why & the How book was written after the Yes book. Not sure if it is a rewrite or a new book, but they both look helpful.</p><p></p><p>The Explosive Child was mentioned by Marg. Most all of us have read it and used its methods simply because they work with our kids.</p><p></p><p>I also LOVE the Love and Logic Books. Crazymama recommended the Love and Logic book for teens. It is an amazing book with new ways to think about the problems you are facing. You can get the exact title and check out the other L&L titles at their website: <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> .</p><p></p><p>As others have mentioned, ODD rarely rides alone. Many of us don't pay a whole lot of attention to ODD because it is not very helpful as far as giving suggestions/ideas to improve the situation. ODD describes a wide variety of behaviors but gives NO insight as to the reason for them. The problem behaviors can be caused by a WIDE variety of problems from many medical/psychiatric problems. Unless you solve the underlying medical/psychiatric/?? problem you probably will not see improvement in the ODD behaviors.</p><p></p><p>Many of us strongly recommend neuropsychological testing. This is usually a series of tests to pinpoint exact problems and how to help/fix them. The testing usually lasts from 6-10 hours if you get a good neurpsych. This will give you a better picture of the problems so you can figure out what to do to help.</p><p></p><p>As for their misery, well, mostly it is their problem. They are old enough to want what they shouldn't have and young enough to want you to be unhappy just because they are.</p><p></p><p>You may need to work on separating your emotions from theirs. You don't have to be miserable just because they are. Let them be miserable. Post that list of rules and consequences. Enforce the consequences and let them see you mean business. If they become violent call the police.</p><p></p><p>Physical abuse cannot be tolerated. in my opinion it should be one of the rules that is carved in stone. You CAN call the cops if your child assaults you in any way. Better they learn that as minors than to learn it as adults. </p><p></p><p>Make an effort to go out on a regular basis. Go to the bookstore. Join a book club. Take up a hobby. volunteer. Take an exercise class. Anything to get some space and make yourself feel better.</p><p></p><p>Cause if Momma isn't happy then no one is happy. </p><p></p><p>I am so glad you found us. We can always use new friends. Sorry you need us though. Sending LOTS of hugs!</p><p></p><p>Susie</p><p></p><p>ps. You might want to start a Parent Report. It is an assessment of your child that YOU create to help give docs the full picture. If you go to the Sticky thread at the top of the General forum you will see a message to newbies. Go to it and click where it says "Parent Report". This will take you to the outline of the assessment that lets you keep all the info at your fingertips!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 311596, member: 1233"] Welcome! You have totally found the right place!! This is a place you can find support and friends, ideas and motivation, hugs and laughter. No one here will be surprised by much of anything your kids can do. Or by anything they do to try to weasel out from taking responsibility! Most of us can truly empathize with much you have gone through or will go through because we have been there done that or at least been through something similar. The books that Nomad suggested are: Yes! Your Teen Is Crazy. Loving your Kid without Losing Your Mind, by Michael J Bradley and When Things Get Crazy With Your Teen: The Why, The How & What To Do Now by the same author. The Why & the How book was written after the Yes book. Not sure if it is a rewrite or a new book, but they both look helpful. The Explosive Child was mentioned by Marg. Most all of us have read it and used its methods simply because they work with our kids. I also LOVE the Love and Logic Books. Crazymama recommended the Love and Logic book for teens. It is an amazing book with new ways to think about the problems you are facing. You can get the exact title and check out the other L&L titles at their website: [url]www.loveandlogic.com[/url] . As others have mentioned, ODD rarely rides alone. Many of us don't pay a whole lot of attention to ODD because it is not very helpful as far as giving suggestions/ideas to improve the situation. ODD describes a wide variety of behaviors but gives NO insight as to the reason for them. The problem behaviors can be caused by a WIDE variety of problems from many medical/psychiatric problems. Unless you solve the underlying medical/psychiatric/?? problem you probably will not see improvement in the ODD behaviors. Many of us strongly recommend neuropsychological testing. This is usually a series of tests to pinpoint exact problems and how to help/fix them. The testing usually lasts from 6-10 hours if you get a good neurpsych. This will give you a better picture of the problems so you can figure out what to do to help. As for their misery, well, mostly it is their problem. They are old enough to want what they shouldn't have and young enough to want you to be unhappy just because they are. You may need to work on separating your emotions from theirs. You don't have to be miserable just because they are. Let them be miserable. Post that list of rules and consequences. Enforce the consequences and let them see you mean business. If they become violent call the police. Physical abuse cannot be tolerated. in my opinion it should be one of the rules that is carved in stone. You CAN call the cops if your child assaults you in any way. Better they learn that as minors than to learn it as adults. Make an effort to go out on a regular basis. Go to the bookstore. Join a book club. Take up a hobby. volunteer. Take an exercise class. Anything to get some space and make yourself feel better. Cause if Momma isn't happy then no one is happy. I am so glad you found us. We can always use new friends. Sorry you need us though. Sending LOTS of hugs! Susie ps. You might want to start a Parent Report. It is an assessment of your child that YOU create to help give docs the full picture. If you go to the Sticky thread at the top of the General forum you will see a message to newbies. Go to it and click where it says "Parent Report". This will take you to the outline of the assessment that lets you keep all the info at your fingertips! [/QUOTE]
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