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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 245526" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Donna, </p><p> </p><p>Your step son sounds like he's really all over the place. Emotional wise and behavior wise. I think it's time for all the parents involved in this young mans life to come to terms with the reality that this child has problems and shipping him to a new place isn't going to solve anything. </p><p> </p><p>At this stage of the game? I would say that he is a very confused young man with a lifetime of therapy ahead of him if he would choose to acknowledge that he even has any problems (which asking him now is a mute point). I think moreso - you and husband and his Mom are going to have to come to an agreement and place him in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), preferably a locked one. Or at first maybe a psychiatric hospital to get him properly observed, diagnosed and behaviorally stable with some medications. </p><p> </p><p>I'm impressed that you are able to point out some of the red flags in his behavior. How does his dad feel about this? How about his Mom? I know a lot of times as a step-mom ANYTHING we say can come off as "Whine - this is too hard, your kid is ruining my life wha." and in essence we're just trying to make the bio-parents see that this kid is in DIRE need of professional help. </p><p> </p><p>So how do you get that help? First off - you and your hubby need to get on the same page about what is actually happening under your roof. Do you both agree he has problems? Do you both agree he needs SERIOUS help not just a move to a stern handed fathers home? Do you both agree that physical threats of death ever again will result in you or him calling 911 and having him removed from your home whether it's by you and husband putting him in a car and driving him to the ER and having Mental health come and evaluate and put him in a psychiatric. hospital - OR calling the police and having them put him in a squad car taking him to the ER and then to a </p><p>psychiatric hospital. </p><p> </p><p>Keep in mind - the criteria for admission into a psychiatric hospital from an ER visit is DANGER TO SELF or OTHERS.....this would include - him threatening your other son's life. And you don't just pick up the phone the next time and call - you need to explain this to your 15 year old - WHAT WILL HAPPEN and then DO IT. </p><p> </p><p>If you threaten and don't follow through or chicken out with what you have said? YOU are asking for it in spades and he will OWN you. I don't care how much he beggs, how much he cries, how much he sobs - if he threatens physical violence again? Call 911 - and have him removed from your home. </p><p> </p><p>You have to make the ER people believe that he really is a threat to himself or others and from what you've written - NOT going to be hard. I know this sounds cruel and like you are just tossing him out - but you have a few other things to consider in doing this - MAINLY your safety and your other child's safety - AND the fact that someone could seriously be injured or killed at this childs hands. TELL THEM YOU DO NOT WANT HIM BACK IN YOUR HOME.....and document, document, document! </p><p>Keep a daily diary of his behaviors......if you can? Go back to the day he came to live with you and write out the things that he's done -and give that to the psychiatrist in the hospital. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the fainting spells? Write that down too. He has a bunch of attention seeking behaviors that are not healthy. Acting feminine and wearing girls clothes? Not necessarily an attention seeking behavior - but something is a miss with him. If he is a girl trapped in a boys body - what hell that would be. Then again - if he's done it at his Mother's house and got () much attention and it REALLY struck a nerve? Gosh - why not try it at your Dads? Where is he getting these clothes? If he's touching your things? PUT LOCKS ON ALL THE DOORS NOW....and put all the knives and sharp scissors and the like away locked up. </p><p> </p><p>I have locks on EVERY door in my house. My son no longer lives with me, and he's 18 - and a lot better behaved but it's been a long road....and he's still only about 60% on the good side. So? When he visits? I lock my doors. I get peace of mind - and he gets the satisfaction of knowing that even now? I still don't trust him and he's going to have to earn it. Plus if I do missplace something? I can't blame him. (that happened a bit) ahem. </p><p> </p><p>As far as home schooling? I'm in a boat of my own thinking - I would stop it. I would send him back to public school and when he became a threat there? I would have witnesses to document his behaviors that are professional people who could attest to his unbalanced behaviors. </p><p> </p><p>Threatening to send someone "out" in a body bag should have sent the principal of that school SCREAMING to the resource officer and the on site counselor for help. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the credit cards and numbers? - You live in OUR home? Those are illegal and YOU as an adult COULD go to jail for them - they would come up missing. </p><p>As far as beating himself with a spoon and CPS being at my home? Again - document - document. I would have asked the parent of the little girl to vouch for you in stating that he had those marks on his arm when he LEFT that little girls house. </p><p>If your son and the 15 year old are rooming together? I'd get the younger one his own room - with a door lock and a key. </p><p> </p><p>I'd also keep a video camera handy - charged and ready to roll......</p><p> </p><p>He's really quite a clever young man isn't he? He felt he wasn't getting any attention maybe at his Moms - and now? He's getting it in spades at your home - NO public school - ALL YOUR ATTENTION. He faints and instead of stepping over him in the kitchen and just leaving him alone you rush him to the ER? (ALL YOUR ATTENTION) somewhere in all of this you and husband are going to have to go to therapy to learn how to level the playing field. </p><p> </p><p>Currently I see it as child 3 parents 0. (not an unusual score either) </p><p> </p><p>Once you start therapy with a good psychologist (the one that cant' give drugs) you'll feel more empowered to take back your home. Currently whether you realize it or not? HE is running your home. </p><p> </p><p>Glad you came here - look forward to talking again.....</p><p>and it's a cool place too - I mean where else could you go with this type of info and get ideas, suggestions & not judgements? lol </p><p> </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 245526, member: 4964"] Hi Donna, Your step son sounds like he's really all over the place. Emotional wise and behavior wise. I think it's time for all the parents involved in this young mans life to come to terms with the reality that this child has problems and shipping him to a new place isn't going to solve anything. At this stage of the game? I would say that he is a very confused young man with a lifetime of therapy ahead of him if he would choose to acknowledge that he even has any problems (which asking him now is a mute point). I think moreso - you and husband and his Mom are going to have to come to an agreement and place him in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), preferably a locked one. Or at first maybe a psychiatric hospital to get him properly observed, diagnosed and behaviorally stable with some medications. I'm impressed that you are able to point out some of the red flags in his behavior. How does his dad feel about this? How about his Mom? I know a lot of times as a step-mom ANYTHING we say can come off as "Whine - this is too hard, your kid is ruining my life wha." and in essence we're just trying to make the bio-parents see that this kid is in DIRE need of professional help. So how do you get that help? First off - you and your hubby need to get on the same page about what is actually happening under your roof. Do you both agree he has problems? Do you both agree he needs SERIOUS help not just a move to a stern handed fathers home? Do you both agree that physical threats of death ever again will result in you or him calling 911 and having him removed from your home whether it's by you and husband putting him in a car and driving him to the ER and having Mental health come and evaluate and put him in a psychiatric. hospital - OR calling the police and having them put him in a squad car taking him to the ER and then to a psychiatric hospital. Keep in mind - the criteria for admission into a psychiatric hospital from an ER visit is DANGER TO SELF or OTHERS.....this would include - him threatening your other son's life. And you don't just pick up the phone the next time and call - you need to explain this to your 15 year old - WHAT WILL HAPPEN and then DO IT. If you threaten and don't follow through or chicken out with what you have said? YOU are asking for it in spades and he will OWN you. I don't care how much he beggs, how much he cries, how much he sobs - if he threatens physical violence again? Call 911 - and have him removed from your home. You have to make the ER people believe that he really is a threat to himself or others and from what you've written - NOT going to be hard. I know this sounds cruel and like you are just tossing him out - but you have a few other things to consider in doing this - MAINLY your safety and your other child's safety - AND the fact that someone could seriously be injured or killed at this childs hands. TELL THEM YOU DO NOT WANT HIM BACK IN YOUR HOME.....and document, document, document! Keep a daily diary of his behaviors......if you can? Go back to the day he came to live with you and write out the things that he's done -and give that to the psychiatrist in the hospital. As far as the fainting spells? Write that down too. He has a bunch of attention seeking behaviors that are not healthy. Acting feminine and wearing girls clothes? Not necessarily an attention seeking behavior - but something is a miss with him. If he is a girl trapped in a boys body - what hell that would be. Then again - if he's done it at his Mother's house and got () much attention and it REALLY struck a nerve? Gosh - why not try it at your Dads? Where is he getting these clothes? If he's touching your things? PUT LOCKS ON ALL THE DOORS NOW....and put all the knives and sharp scissors and the like away locked up. I have locks on EVERY door in my house. My son no longer lives with me, and he's 18 - and a lot better behaved but it's been a long road....and he's still only about 60% on the good side. So? When he visits? I lock my doors. I get peace of mind - and he gets the satisfaction of knowing that even now? I still don't trust him and he's going to have to earn it. Plus if I do missplace something? I can't blame him. (that happened a bit) ahem. As far as home schooling? I'm in a boat of my own thinking - I would stop it. I would send him back to public school and when he became a threat there? I would have witnesses to document his behaviors that are professional people who could attest to his unbalanced behaviors. Threatening to send someone "out" in a body bag should have sent the principal of that school SCREAMING to the resource officer and the on site counselor for help. As far as the credit cards and numbers? - You live in OUR home? Those are illegal and YOU as an adult COULD go to jail for them - they would come up missing. As far as beating himself with a spoon and CPS being at my home? Again - document - document. I would have asked the parent of the little girl to vouch for you in stating that he had those marks on his arm when he LEFT that little girls house. If your son and the 15 year old are rooming together? I'd get the younger one his own room - with a door lock and a key. I'd also keep a video camera handy - charged and ready to roll...... He's really quite a clever young man isn't he? He felt he wasn't getting any attention maybe at his Moms - and now? He's getting it in spades at your home - NO public school - ALL YOUR ATTENTION. He faints and instead of stepping over him in the kitchen and just leaving him alone you rush him to the ER? (ALL YOUR ATTENTION) somewhere in all of this you and husband are going to have to go to therapy to learn how to level the playing field. Currently I see it as child 3 parents 0. (not an unusual score either) Once you start therapy with a good psychologist (the one that cant' give drugs) you'll feel more empowered to take back your home. Currently whether you realize it or not? HE is running your home. Glad you came here - look forward to talking again..... and it's a cool place too - I mean where else could you go with this type of info and get ideas, suggestions & not judgements? lol Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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