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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 245714" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Read "Explosive Child". Irrespective of diagnosis, this book can help.</p><p></p><p>While I understand the need for you to share information about difficult child's behaviour, I can also see why husband has such a reaction to this. You do needs to communicate this information, but it will seem to husband (as it often does to the working parent on return home) that you're saving up all the day's problems to dump on him when he walks in the door, with the apparent expectation that he will fix it. A sort of "wait until your father gets home" scenario. You probably aren't meaning it to seem like this - after all, he IS his father, he DOES need to know. You may nnot be doing anything inappropriate, but for whatever reason, things aren't working for you and this needs to be addressed. Maybe for the sake of your marriage, could you find (working with husband) a better way? Ask husband what he wants from you - he does need to know, but he also needs to ease into life at home and not feel like he's being assaulted with it. on the other hand, your husband needs to understand how desperate you are for some help, support and answers.</p><p></p><p>It's a problem a lot of us have - the parent at home (or the one dealing with the problems of the day) gets a different picture, often at the coal-face. We need support, we need help, but we also need to not just dump it on the other partner or it will have the opposite effect to what we want.</p><p></p><p>I do think family therapy could help you iron out some good management strategies in terms of you and husband communicating more effectively. Perhaps that is the best starting point, because this kid has learnt to divide and conquer, currently that is working far too well. If family counselling can overcome problems current between you and husband, then that would provide a united front as a starting point.</p><p></p><p>Changing the subject - his mother sent some adult women's magazines? Maybe it was her way of trying to provide sex education (in a very ham-fisted way). Are you sure they came from his mother? It sounds to me like the sort of stuff teenage boys trade with each other at school (behind the sheds). And then lie about it. difficult child 1 used to get this sort of stuff from 'mates'. Several generations ago it was National Geographic magazines, with images of tribal people dancing around topless, covered in ochre.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you're dealing with in this boy, you need more help than you have at the moment. When you see this new therapist, ask about services for you two as well; see if the therapist can recommend any supports or respite for you. It is in everybody's interest to keep your marriage together if at all possible - the boy will do better, you and your husband will do better. If you give it a really good try, it has the best chance of working. And if you give it all a really good try and your marriage still fails - then you will know that you did your best and it will be easier to walk away with a clearer conscience.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. You're doing better than you think - hey, you found us, didn't you?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 245714, member: 1991"] Read "Explosive Child". Irrespective of diagnosis, this book can help. While I understand the need for you to share information about difficult child's behaviour, I can also see why husband has such a reaction to this. You do needs to communicate this information, but it will seem to husband (as it often does to the working parent on return home) that you're saving up all the day's problems to dump on him when he walks in the door, with the apparent expectation that he will fix it. A sort of "wait until your father gets home" scenario. You probably aren't meaning it to seem like this - after all, he IS his father, he DOES need to know. You may nnot be doing anything inappropriate, but for whatever reason, things aren't working for you and this needs to be addressed. Maybe for the sake of your marriage, could you find (working with husband) a better way? Ask husband what he wants from you - he does need to know, but he also needs to ease into life at home and not feel like he's being assaulted with it. on the other hand, your husband needs to understand how desperate you are for some help, support and answers. It's a problem a lot of us have - the parent at home (or the one dealing with the problems of the day) gets a different picture, often at the coal-face. We need support, we need help, but we also need to not just dump it on the other partner or it will have the opposite effect to what we want. I do think family therapy could help you iron out some good management strategies in terms of you and husband communicating more effectively. Perhaps that is the best starting point, because this kid has learnt to divide and conquer, currently that is working far too well. If family counselling can overcome problems current between you and husband, then that would provide a united front as a starting point. Changing the subject - his mother sent some adult women's magazines? Maybe it was her way of trying to provide sex education (in a very ham-fisted way). Are you sure they came from his mother? It sounds to me like the sort of stuff teenage boys trade with each other at school (behind the sheds). And then lie about it. difficult child 1 used to get this sort of stuff from 'mates'. Several generations ago it was National Geographic magazines, with images of tribal people dancing around topless, covered in ochre. Whatever you're dealing with in this boy, you need more help than you have at the moment. When you see this new therapist, ask about services for you two as well; see if the therapist can recommend any supports or respite for you. It is in everybody's interest to keep your marriage together if at all possible - the boy will do better, you and your husband will do better. If you give it a really good try, it has the best chance of working. And if you give it all a really good try and your marriage still fails - then you will know that you did your best and it will be easier to walk away with a clearer conscience. Hang in there. You're doing better than you think - hey, you found us, didn't you? Marg [/QUOTE]
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