HELP please child w ODD &ADHD


New Member
Hi, this is my first posting, and I really need help.
I am a jr at the university at buffalo w a major in psychology, but still can't learn without personal experiences shared. So, I'm giving this a shot.
I know that there are alot of parents with kids that have both ODD and ADHD. My friend does. I don't know what to tell her and I have looked up alot of stuff online. It's all informative etc, but it really stinks at giving advice on the parenting aspect of it.
How do I help....? My friends son is 7, he looks like he is relapsing in some of his behavior. The child has spread feces on the wall, is extremely bipolar, and just started getting his little sister to follow in some of his foot steps. I don't want the sister to be so effected by her brother, yet I wouldn't know how to go about parenting a child w such disorders. The biggest thing right now is that he seems like he is off in his own world. He doesn't care what anyone thinks or feels or how his behavior effects everyone else. She has tried every way to go about parenting him, but literally NOTHING is sinking in.
Can anyone help me? My friend is ready to give up......

Thanks a ton.


A highly recommended book is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's a non-traditional approach to parenting, as I'm sure you and your friend know that traditional parenting techniques don't work for our kiddos.

Is he on any medications and, if so, what is he on? Who provided the diagnosis?


New Member

Welcome to the board, I know that most of us who have come here have found this place just at the right time when we, too, were in desperation, ready to give up. As a major in psychiatric, I am sure you have read about things like this, but reading about it and actually LIVING it is a totally different world. Has your friend's son ever been put on any medication? I am guessing since you know he is bipolar that someone has evaluated him and I am wondering if they explored the option of medication, and if so, maybe what he is taking isn't the right thing for him. I know that I am not the only one that will make this suggestion, but tell your friend to go and pick up a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Dr. Ross Greene. This book has helped SO MANY of us with our children and she will find lots of helpful hints in there, as well as some GREAT information that will help her understand what is going on with her son. This might also be a good read for you, as a psychiatric major, Dr Greene is so insightful and has a way with explaining things.

I would also encourage your friend to join our board and get involved with us. In addition to all the advice our members offer, there is a GREAT SUPPORT system here. Everyone here is great when the time comes and you are at the end of your rope and just need to VENT. We are always here for each other, no judgements. Everyone feels FREE to share there feelings without worrying about how others will respond.

Others will be along I am sure to offer their welcome, and if your friend ever needs anything, please let her know that she is WELCOME here too!!!!


New Member
hi, my first posting here too. One of the things that has helped me the most when I have been in the trenches with my ODD kid was validation. Others seeing what I was saying helped me know it wasnt just me. The school has been very helpful, I wont bore you with all the different IEP's we have modified to get us to this place of success..(its working for now anyway). At times I thought I hated this child, especially while having to restrain him and him raging and trying to bite me. He gets mad and becomes destructive, and combative, at home and at school. I am always trying to encourage bonding and attachment but I didnt feel very loving to him alot of times. Respite has become part of our lives and I dont feel guilty about it either..we need a break from the adrenaline and drama. And he isnt our only child with issues, but he is the siren that usually gets the most action. The whole family has to shift when he is "going off", but we dont allow him to have all the attention. We have a whole team of, therapist, psychiatrists, respite providers, and we have been picking through different ideas and medications for about 4 years. It is trial and error. The Explosive Child (book) is a great resource and has helped us change US instead of focusing on him as much. Your friend has to be able to ensure safety too, again the supports can help with that. I have learned to make time for the other kids as well as myself and us as a couple. But for your friend just starting out, she needs lots of help I think. I remember feeling like I was in such a dark anxiety ridden place with my oldest daughter years ago. It was like I had to crawl out of a pit, and actually God was the only way I made it. i wasnt super spiritul, I was holding on. I got myself some medications too. We dont have staff or anything like that, so if I made this sound like we have it all organized, we dont. We just try to keep going. But I am alot closer to managing all of it these years down the road. Well, I may have taken up too much space. Hope you get something out of all this.