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Help please! I need to ask if I was a bad mother. Feel like one.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 609744" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Your post is a provocative and thoughtful one Cedar. I agree that it was a sign of health for MWM to waiver in her judgement of herself and to also be so willing to let it go too. MWM, you did a wonderful job of letting it all go!</p><p></p><p>The most difficult part of this for me has been to recognize that virtually <u>all</u> contact with my daughter is damaging/toxic to me. She has really done all she can to keep the drama away from me, but at the same time the very life she lives and doesn't change, the level of disconnect from her own daughter, her inability to show up at all for anyone else, the continuing and relentless trauma which surrounds her because of the choices she makes and her complete ignorance of any responsibility or recognition of what her choices do to me or anyone, leaves me no choice but to distance myself completely. </p><p></p><p>It has felt as if I had been backing out of a dark, scary battlefield, tip toeing, quietly moving...............and then suddenly turning around and running as fast as I can to.................to where.............to freedom, to light, to peace............</p><p></p><p>As I ponder the holidays this year I recall last Christmas when I had invited my difficult child and she never responded and then at about 2 or 3 in the afternoon on Christmas day she emailed me asking if she were still invited. I had already invited her, so the email was moot. I looked around at all the fun we were all having and I knew her presence would end that so I opted to do nothing and she never came. She told me later she cried for a week in her isolation during her favorite holiday. How does a mother grapple with that knowledge? If you include them they ruin everyone's experience. If you leave them out, they are desperately lonely. How do we do that and feel okay in our hearts? I will be facing that again in a month. </p><p></p><p>Detachment has so many facets. I feel pretty good most of the time..............and then...........a moment of truth shows up, this is my only child, how do I exclude her once again for the holidays? Next year will I be so detached that I won't think this way, presuming things stay the course............yeah, that's probably what will happen..........<em>I just keep getting further and further away from her.</em>.............like a little boat drifting on a calm sea............and you can barely see the land anymore.............pretty soon it's just a clear horizon............nothing but open sea and possibilities........some days that feels absolutely right and other days, like today........... it feels strange.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 609744, member: 13542"] Your post is a provocative and thoughtful one Cedar. I agree that it was a sign of health for MWM to waiver in her judgement of herself and to also be so willing to let it go too. MWM, you did a wonderful job of letting it all go! The most difficult part of this for me has been to recognize that virtually [U]all[/U] contact with my daughter is damaging/toxic to me. She has really done all she can to keep the drama away from me, but at the same time the very life she lives and doesn't change, the level of disconnect from her own daughter, her inability to show up at all for anyone else, the continuing and relentless trauma which surrounds her because of the choices she makes and her complete ignorance of any responsibility or recognition of what her choices do to me or anyone, leaves me no choice but to distance myself completely. It has felt as if I had been backing out of a dark, scary battlefield, tip toeing, quietly moving...............and then suddenly turning around and running as fast as I can to.................to where.............to freedom, to light, to peace............ As I ponder the holidays this year I recall last Christmas when I had invited my difficult child and she never responded and then at about 2 or 3 in the afternoon on Christmas day she emailed me asking if she were still invited. I had already invited her, so the email was moot. I looked around at all the fun we were all having and I knew her presence would end that so I opted to do nothing and she never came. She told me later she cried for a week in her isolation during her favorite holiday. How does a mother grapple with that knowledge? If you include them they ruin everyone's experience. If you leave them out, they are desperately lonely. How do we do that and feel okay in our hearts? I will be facing that again in a month. Detachment has so many facets. I feel pretty good most of the time..............and then...........a moment of truth shows up, this is my only child, how do I exclude her once again for the holidays? Next year will I be so detached that I won't think this way, presuming things stay the course............yeah, that's probably what will happen..........[I]I just keep getting further and further away from her.[/I].............like a little boat drifting on a calm sea............and you can barely see the land anymore.............pretty soon it's just a clear horizon............nothing but open sea and possibilities........some days that feels absolutely right and other days, like today........... it feels strange. [/QUOTE]
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Help please! I need to ask if I was a bad mother. Feel like one.
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