I just got off the phone with 35. I hung up on him. Normally he is the one who hangs up. I am feeling very guilty right now though. I need to know if I did the wrong thing. My son had a deposition today and I knew it. He was terrified to go through it. I knew he would be wanting my phone support this last weekend and I didn't want to have to listen to him talk about it, along with the normal swearing at me which I felt would be amped up because he was so stressed out. Saturday he called me, but I was at Jumper's volleyball tournament in another town in the sticks and my phone wasn't working that well. And I honestly didn't even think about him as he is so abusive and this was Jumper's day to shine. I got home about four and could have called, but I didn't. I had my phone on silent so if he called me, I didn't hear it. Then I relaxed that evening and went to sleep early. Yes, yes, I didn't call him. I didn't want to hear it. I figured I didn't really want to hear about it until it was over. So Sunday came. 35 had taken his son out at midnight to pick up some new Skylander's game. They did this last year. I guess it's a major fun thing for them to do. I told myself that 35 would be ok because he had this planned with his son. I figured they'd be playing games all day. But I didn't check the phone. 35 called me twenty or more times. I was protecting myself so I did not call him back nor did I even look at my phone. I found out he had called me twenty times because he told me that tonight. All day today I knew the depo was going on and waited for him to call, but he didn't. It surprised me, but I don't know squat about depositions and I told myself that maybe it went on all day long. Look, I KNEW this would be super stressful, but for selfish reasons I detached from my son for this episode in his life. I have been so stressed out by the entire hoopla that I didn't feel capable of hearing about it until after it was over (and even then I was not looking forward to it as 35 is the biggest pessimist on the face of the earth.) I will paraphrase what 35 said to me when I finally called him at 8pm. This was after I called my ex to make sure he had gotten out of the deposition and was not slashing his wrists. But he never tells much to ex. So I called and he answered the phone. Here is what he said, not verbatim. "So you finally called. You didn't call Saturday and didn't pick up the phone the twenty times I called you yesterday. You knew this was going to be terrible for me, but you just wanted to hear the outcome. You didn't want to go through it with me and give me support. I am an afterthought. You were not there for your son. I called you at least twenty times and you never answered the phone. Think about it. Your son needed you and you didn't care. Well, I'm not going to tell you what happened. I don't need that kind of support. It's not support! You just wanted to avoid me all weekend then know the results! F**** you....you're a horrible parent..." At this point, I said, "Fine. You don't have to tell me about it." And I hung up. Now I feel guilty. He's right. I didn't want to go t hrough it with him. I have been living his divorce and custody battle since Day One after he hadn't called me much during his ten year marriage. But I also feel like it is a slap in the face that after all the hours I have sat on the phone listening to him talk about this trial while abusing me in between he wouldn't even tell me the outcome of the deposition because I didn't sit on the phone with him last weekend. Does he have a point or am I just getting sucked into his crazy thinking again?? Please be honest. I have no idea if/when he will call again and I don't even know how I feel about that. I am so worn out from the abuse he heaps on me when he talks about this stuff that I don't even know if I care. But I do wonder if, at that point in his life, I should have been there. Should I call and apologize? He will probably just hang up, but at least I tried. Honestly, he was sort of right. I didn't want to hear about it. I wanted a break from it. If the truth is known, I only listened for hours on the phone and put up with the abuse because of my love for 35. I do not know my grandson enough to love him. What would YOU have done? Was I wrong? Am I bad now for not feeling worse because my son may take a long time to contact me again? The only thing he said that really blew my mind was that he considered himself an afterthought when I have been angsting over his chit for as long as the trial has been in the works. If anything, Jumper has complained that I'm always on the phone with 35. He was far from an afterthought. I don't know. I did detach. Did I detach too far? I'm beginning to think that, considering all the times he told me, "You aren't helpful. If I had anyone else I wouldn't use you for support." With all the swearing and hanging up, perhaps this is the inevitable ending and maybe it's for the better for ME at least because it was creeping into my life and I had to spend more and more time de-stressing and trying to redirect my thinking. But as I type it, I feel I sound so selfish and awful. I want honest opinions, please.