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Help please! I need to ask if I was a bad mother. Feel like one.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609811" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow. Thanks for all the support!</p><p></p><p>Susie, your post to me was invaluable. I think your posts often are. I have though of writing to ex, but she hates me...lol...and I don't know her new last name or where she lives. She blocked me from FB and e-mail and is not that sane herself. It is probably best if I don't start up with her because she could very well turn it into a sarcastic negative in her head and even have the cops called to tell me not to harass her. I am not worried. Some things 35 told me make me sure she will get custody. She's a piece of work, but I don't think she is as offensive as 35. Still...no interest in communicating anything to her. She will probably never let me see my grandson so I guess it's fortunate that I never got to see him in the first place. </p><p></p><p>For anyone interested, I have just found a way to both detach from 35 in a very potent way and to not even feel a pinch of guilt!!!! Halleluiah!!!! He called this morning and I answered because it was so early I hadn't even checked the caller ID. I was surprised he'd called. But the conversation was worth it. Basically, I just listened while he told me that he had overheard the GAL asking ex's lawyer if she'd mind if he had two hours on Wednesday, which means shes is thinking of stripping 35 of his 50/50 status and giving him minimal time with his son. He told me that he was distraught and that I needed to say something positive, even though he knew there was nothing positive to say, but he still needed me to give him hope and be positive. If that makes no sense to you, I have been listening to that sort of nonsense for a year now. I am expected to be his private pep rally when there is nothing to be peppy about. </p><p></p><p>God must have been listening because he gave me the answer that made 35 so desolate that I believe he's done calling me for "support." I said, "35, I would love to be able to say positive things to you because I love you." (That was a true statement. So is the rest, actually). "I have gone through this with you so far and I can't see anything positive to say about it. I wish I could be positive, but I can only think of how your ex is going to win. In your behalf, it looks bleak and I have nothing to offer you that is positive. I'm sorry. I'll lend you an ear if you want to vent."</p><p></p><p>He paused and I know he was puzzled and he finally said, "Well, if you can't think of anything positive, then it's too stressful for me to talk to you. I'm can't talk to you anymore. Bye!"</p><p></p><p>He hung up and I hope he means it. If he doesn't, I'm going to keep repeating that there is nothing positive to say, that ex has won, and that I am sorry he is so sad (which is true), but that as hard as I try, I can't be positive. That's what he wants from me. A constant cheering section when I don't even WANT him to get custody. I'm not going to tell him that. I am not willing to feel the force of the guilt I'd feel if I said that to him. I'm going to leave it at "I can't think of any positives." He never talks to me if I say anything even close to that so I think I found my way out.</p><p></p><p>Al-Anon is tomorrow morning. I wonder if 35 is going to drink himself sick when he loses, but I can't control how he reacts. I'm still scared that he'll kill himself, but there is NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING I can do to prevent it unless he tells me he's doing it. Then I can call 911. In my heart, I don't think he'd actually do it, but you never know (sigh). We all put up with so much. Right now I am going to detach my thoughts again and think of happy things like how Jumper's team made third place varsity mostly because of Jumper!!!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> It is so amazing and almost horrifying that one child can give a parent so much grief and another so much pleasure. I dearly enjoy being with Julie and Lucas and would die for even 35, but Jumper is truly such a delightful young lady. I'm so glad t hat all this heartache happened while Jumper and Sonic were still living at home so I could remember how blessed I really am. Can't forget husband either.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again, all three of you. I honestly wish I could meet you all and give you a real life hug. You will have to settle for this right now. ((((Big Hugs))))!!!! Don't know what I'd do without you three and so many others.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609811, member: 1550"] Wow. Thanks for all the support! Susie, your post to me was invaluable. I think your posts often are. I have though of writing to ex, but she hates me...lol...and I don't know her new last name or where she lives. She blocked me from FB and e-mail and is not that sane herself. It is probably best if I don't start up with her because she could very well turn it into a sarcastic negative in her head and even have the cops called to tell me not to harass her. I am not worried. Some things 35 told me make me sure she will get custody. She's a piece of work, but I don't think she is as offensive as 35. Still...no interest in communicating anything to her. She will probably never let me see my grandson so I guess it's fortunate that I never got to see him in the first place. For anyone interested, I have just found a way to both detach from 35 in a very potent way and to not even feel a pinch of guilt!!!! Halleluiah!!!! He called this morning and I answered because it was so early I hadn't even checked the caller ID. I was surprised he'd called. But the conversation was worth it. Basically, I just listened while he told me that he had overheard the GAL asking ex's lawyer if she'd mind if he had two hours on Wednesday, which means shes is thinking of stripping 35 of his 50/50 status and giving him minimal time with his son. He told me that he was distraught and that I needed to say something positive, even though he knew there was nothing positive to say, but he still needed me to give him hope and be positive. If that makes no sense to you, I have been listening to that sort of nonsense for a year now. I am expected to be his private pep rally when there is nothing to be peppy about. God must have been listening because he gave me the answer that made 35 so desolate that I believe he's done calling me for "support." I said, "35, I would love to be able to say positive things to you because I love you." (That was a true statement. So is the rest, actually). "I have gone through this with you so far and I can't see anything positive to say about it. I wish I could be positive, but I can only think of how your ex is going to win. In your behalf, it looks bleak and I have nothing to offer you that is positive. I'm sorry. I'll lend you an ear if you want to vent." He paused and I know he was puzzled and he finally said, "Well, if you can't think of anything positive, then it's too stressful for me to talk to you. I'm can't talk to you anymore. Bye!" He hung up and I hope he means it. If he doesn't, I'm going to keep repeating that there is nothing positive to say, that ex has won, and that I am sorry he is so sad (which is true), but that as hard as I try, I can't be positive. That's what he wants from me. A constant cheering section when I don't even WANT him to get custody. I'm not going to tell him that. I am not willing to feel the force of the guilt I'd feel if I said that to him. I'm going to leave it at "I can't think of any positives." He never talks to me if I say anything even close to that so I think I found my way out. Al-Anon is tomorrow morning. I wonder if 35 is going to drink himself sick when he loses, but I can't control how he reacts. I'm still scared that he'll kill himself, but there is NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING I can do to prevent it unless he tells me he's doing it. Then I can call 911. In my heart, I don't think he'd actually do it, but you never know (sigh). We all put up with so much. Right now I am going to detach my thoughts again and think of happy things like how Jumper's team made third place varsity mostly because of Jumper!!!!! :) It is so amazing and almost horrifying that one child can give a parent so much grief and another so much pleasure. I dearly enjoy being with Julie and Lucas and would die for even 35, but Jumper is truly such a delightful young lady. I'm so glad t hat all this heartache happened while Jumper and Sonic were still living at home so I could remember how blessed I really am. Can't forget husband either. Thanks again, all three of you. I honestly wish I could meet you all and give you a real life hug. You will have to settle for this right now. ((((Big Hugs))))!!!! Don't know what I'd do without you three and so many others. [/QUOTE]
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