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Help please! I need to ask if I was a bad mother. Feel like one.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 609879" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thanks Susie, all of that makes sense. It isn't so much that my difficult child doesn't act well or is inappropriate, it's that she has done damage to her relationships with her daughter and step daughters and although they are acutely aware of that hurt, my daughter is not. She has no real grasp on reality with how she has acted, she has either chosen not to accept her responsibility or she is not capable of seeing what she's done, I am really not sure which. So the kids don't want to be around her now and I understand that and have respected that.</p><p></p><p>Last year was the first year I made the choice not to include my daughter on Christmas Day. The kids all told me they would leave if she came. So, of course I didn't do that. The odd part is my daughter wants to see them and no matter how I explain to her that their reactions are founded in reality, she won't or can't accept it. I think it is a form of amnesia that she employed when her husband died, she simply escaped reality to avoid facing her feelings, I don't know.</p><p></p><p>You make good points and perhaps I will invite her on other days. I think some of my angst has been a memory of a Christmas many, many years ago where through some strange circumstances I ended up being alone on that day and it was the loneliest day of my life.............just thinking about pretty much everyone with family and celebrating and there I was stuck far away and alone.............sometimes my empathy works against me and certainly it has with my difficult child at times............and I'm sure she's worked it too!!</p><p></p><p>You're right that no difficult child is more important then the rest of the family, of course that's true. For me sometimes those lines are not so distinctly drawn and my feelings outweigh reason or logic because it just plain hurts to have to make these kinds of choices, no matter how realistic they are.........sigh.......</p><p></p><p>But thanks for your input, it was very clear and I appreciate it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 609879, member: 13542"] Thanks Susie, all of that makes sense. It isn't so much that my difficult child doesn't act well or is inappropriate, it's that she has done damage to her relationships with her daughter and step daughters and although they are acutely aware of that hurt, my daughter is not. She has no real grasp on reality with how she has acted, she has either chosen not to accept her responsibility or she is not capable of seeing what she's done, I am really not sure which. So the kids don't want to be around her now and I understand that and have respected that. Last year was the first year I made the choice not to include my daughter on Christmas Day. The kids all told me they would leave if she came. So, of course I didn't do that. The odd part is my daughter wants to see them and no matter how I explain to her that their reactions are founded in reality, she won't or can't accept it. I think it is a form of amnesia that she employed when her husband died, she simply escaped reality to avoid facing her feelings, I don't know. You make good points and perhaps I will invite her on other days. I think some of my angst has been a memory of a Christmas many, many years ago where through some strange circumstances I ended up being alone on that day and it was the loneliest day of my life.............just thinking about pretty much everyone with family and celebrating and there I was stuck far away and alone.............sometimes my empathy works against me and certainly it has with my difficult child at times............and I'm sure she's worked it too!! You're right that no difficult child is more important then the rest of the family, of course that's true. For me sometimes those lines are not so distinctly drawn and my feelings outweigh reason or logic because it just plain hurts to have to make these kinds of choices, no matter how realistic they are.........sigh....... But thanks for your input, it was very clear and I appreciate it. [/QUOTE]
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Help please! I need to ask if I was a bad mother. Feel like one.
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