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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 618547" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I second what Cedar said. You aren't alone. We feel for you because we feel with you. You are not alone.</p><p></p><p>I can telll you that my whole family started to heal once difficult child was out of the house. The siblings had and still have a lot of both guilt and anger (and sometimes sadness) about him to work through...but we are better, more whole, as a family, even though a divorce happened in there too! </p><p></p><p>At some point I realized that I didn't feel OK sleeping with him sleeping down the hall. I felt I needed to lock my bedroom door while I was asleep WITH MY OWN SON in the house. And I realized I couldn't lock the other kids doors. That helped me understand that we couldn't live that way anymore, for me, for the other kids.</p><p></p><p>A friend of mine had 3 younger difficult children, all really awful (one in juvenile detention from 15 on, never went home again). The older two easy child's never had friends over, always "slept out" and bolted out of the house as soon as they graduated from high school. My friend thought they were just social and independent. They told her that they had a horror of being home, and didn't want their friends to see it. They told her they still have dreams of being afraid, even though nothing violent ever happened. She (mom) has not been able to put that away. I understand that. Lets learn from that, from our own selves. One person is not entitled to damage the lives of others. (I didn't say ruin because I honestly don't believe another person can ruin our lives...only we can do that to ourselves). Your difficult child does not have the right to continuously negatively impact the family without working on herself at all. You WILL ruin your own life if you let that continue. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry. Keep posting, we are all here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 618547, member: 17269"] I second what Cedar said. You aren't alone. We feel for you because we feel with you. You are not alone. I can telll you that my whole family started to heal once difficult child was out of the house. The siblings had and still have a lot of both guilt and anger (and sometimes sadness) about him to work through...but we are better, more whole, as a family, even though a divorce happened in there too! At some point I realized that I didn't feel OK sleeping with him sleeping down the hall. I felt I needed to lock my bedroom door while I was asleep WITH MY OWN SON in the house. And I realized I couldn't lock the other kids doors. That helped me understand that we couldn't live that way anymore, for me, for the other kids. A friend of mine had 3 younger difficult children, all really awful (one in juvenile detention from 15 on, never went home again). The older two easy child's never had friends over, always "slept out" and bolted out of the house as soon as they graduated from high school. My friend thought they were just social and independent. They told her that they had a horror of being home, and didn't want their friends to see it. They told her they still have dreams of being afraid, even though nothing violent ever happened. She (mom) has not been able to put that away. I understand that. Lets learn from that, from our own selves. One person is not entitled to damage the lives of others. (I didn't say ruin because I honestly don't believe another person can ruin our lives...only we can do that to ourselves). Your difficult child does not have the right to continuously negatively impact the family without working on herself at all. You WILL ruin your own life if you let that continue. I'm sorry. Keep posting, we are all here for you. [/QUOTE]
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