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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 618589" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>llama, you didn't go wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. The situation is wrong. The situation is painful for everyone ~ your daughter, too. She will be the one who ultimately pays the price for the choices she is making, today. Heartbreaking as that understanding is, the losses she sustains will be the things that snap her out of her addiction.</p><p></p><p>If anything does.</p><p></p><p>Horribly enough, whatever we did, or do, or don't do doesn't matter. That is what they mean when they tell us to let go, to stop trying to control our childrens' situations. We can devote our lives to fixing them, convincing ourselves that we are doing them some good...but we aren't. Not really. The only person who can help the kids now is themselves. </p><p></p><p>Here is the thing. What were you supposed to do, back in June when all this started? The only way anything could have been different is if your <u>daughter</u> made some changes, back in June.</p><p></p><p>That is one of the hardest things about loving a child who is self destructing. We keep hooking ourselves in to try to save them. Before you know it, there are control issues all over the place. We sacrifice the joy in our own lives to concentrate on helping our self destructive kids avoid the very consequences that will help them turn things around.</p><p></p><p>It's a hard, hard place to be.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 618589, member: 17461"] llama, you didn't go wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. The situation is wrong. The situation is painful for everyone ~ your daughter, too. She will be the one who ultimately pays the price for the choices she is making, today. Heartbreaking as that understanding is, the losses she sustains will be the things that snap her out of her addiction. If anything does. Horribly enough, whatever we did, or do, or don't do doesn't matter. That is what they mean when they tell us to let go, to stop trying to control our childrens' situations. We can devote our lives to fixing them, convincing ourselves that we are doing them some good...but we aren't. Not really. The only person who can help the kids now is themselves. Here is the thing. What were you supposed to do, back in June when all this started? The only way anything could have been different is if your [U]daughter[/U] made some changes, back in June. That is one of the hardest things about loving a child who is self destructing. We keep hooking ourselves in to try to save them. Before you know it, there are control issues all over the place. We sacrifice the joy in our own lives to concentrate on helping our self destructive kids avoid the very consequences that will help them turn things around. It's a hard, hard place to be. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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