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Help (today please) for sister of "Rap Boy"
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 378142" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>MWM, the info embedded in her post implies she is 15 and the guy is 18. I asked for clarification.</p><p></p><p>I was talking about this very issue this morning with easy child 2/difficult child 2 who made an interesting point - if this guy IS a jerk (as the mother suspects) then by being welcoming to him, inviting him home for dinner etc (so the relationship can happen but under parental noses) it also can send a message to the guy that perhaps the girl is more serious about him, than he is about her. A louse of a guy would use this as an excuse to dump her. WHich, if he is a louse, is a good thing. Better for it to happen sooner rather than later, and if it happens because Mum is being nice to him, so much the better. If he breaks up with the girl and she comes back at her mother, "It's because you made it all too difficult! It's all your fault!" then you have not achieved any lesson at all.</p><p></p><p>It's the guy who breaks up with the girl because her parents are welcoming, that tells you (and the girl) tat the guy's intentions were less than honourable.</p><p></p><p>So grit your teeth, put out the welcome mat.</p><p></p><p>We did this with easy child's first boyfriend. At one point they broke up. She was devastated. Then they got back together. He seemed a loser, hanging around with other losers all of them on the dole (welfare). It had been several years since he finished high school and he was not making a move to do anything, get a job, do any college. We were not happy, but we supported the relationship in order to not lose our daughter, we did not want to drive that relationship underground. She had been involved with hjim (long distance for the first couple of years) since she was 14 and he was 15.</p><p></p><p>They are now married. He finally enrolled in an evening course that he liked, and he did another. Then another. After he'd done a few courses, he qualified for a university course which he completed a few years ago. easy child moved in with him to support him as he finished his uni course. It was a financial struggle and we held our breath. But now - we have a son-in-law who is not a loser, he is a marvellous, caring, supportive husband for our daughter. There was a time when I never thought it would end well. Now - we think the world of him.</p><p></p><p>You never know.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 378142, member: 1991"] MWM, the info embedded in her post implies she is 15 and the guy is 18. I asked for clarification. I was talking about this very issue this morning with easy child 2/difficult child 2 who made an interesting point - if this guy IS a jerk (as the mother suspects) then by being welcoming to him, inviting him home for dinner etc (so the relationship can happen but under parental noses) it also can send a message to the guy that perhaps the girl is more serious about him, than he is about her. A louse of a guy would use this as an excuse to dump her. WHich, if he is a louse, is a good thing. Better for it to happen sooner rather than later, and if it happens because Mum is being nice to him, so much the better. If he breaks up with the girl and she comes back at her mother, "It's because you made it all too difficult! It's all your fault!" then you have not achieved any lesson at all. It's the guy who breaks up with the girl because her parents are welcoming, that tells you (and the girl) tat the guy's intentions were less than honourable. So grit your teeth, put out the welcome mat. We did this with easy child's first boyfriend. At one point they broke up. She was devastated. Then they got back together. He seemed a loser, hanging around with other losers all of them on the dole (welfare). It had been several years since he finished high school and he was not making a move to do anything, get a job, do any college. We were not happy, but we supported the relationship in order to not lose our daughter, we did not want to drive that relationship underground. She had been involved with hjim (long distance for the first couple of years) since she was 14 and he was 15. They are now married. He finally enrolled in an evening course that he liked, and he did another. Then another. After he'd done a few courses, he qualified for a university course which he completed a few years ago. easy child moved in with him to support him as he finished his uni course. It was a financial struggle and we held our breath. But now - we have a son-in-law who is not a loser, he is a marvellous, caring, supportive husband for our daughter. There was a time when I never thought it would end well. Now - we think the world of him. You never know. Marg Marg [/QUOTE]
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