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Help (today please) for sister of "Rap Boy"
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 378252" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>One last point - you need to always keep an open door to your children's friend (unless they're clearly a danger - I had to ban a few mates of difficult child 1's for a while) or you risk the "star-crossed lovers" syndrome, where the relationship is mainly held together with the "you and me against the world" bond. I'm seeing a friend go through this now with her adult daughter - they banned the boyfriend for a while because he was rude and disrespectful. I told her she needed to welcome him in and be polite to him so his own bad manners in response would be thrown up in sharp relief, so the girl could see for herself. But now she is caught in the romance of "I love him, even though my parents don't." And the creep plays on this, he's classic nasty passive-aggressive and the girl is trapped in an abusive relationship that she feels she has to defend. She has fought so hard to defend this guy to her parents (who should have said nothing) that she now has painted herself into a corner; she knows as soon as she backs down and send this guy packing, that her mother will say, "I told you so".</p><p></p><p>A very bad situation. </p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one. It can be managed, but you will have to sit on your lips a lot. Be loving, be welcoming, let the boy make his own mistakes and be gracious enough to not point them out too much. </p><p></p><p>You know you have won, when your child's partner tells your child, "Listen to your parents. I do."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 378252, member: 1991"] One last point - you need to always keep an open door to your children's friend (unless they're clearly a danger - I had to ban a few mates of difficult child 1's for a while) or you risk the "star-crossed lovers" syndrome, where the relationship is mainly held together with the "you and me against the world" bond. I'm seeing a friend go through this now with her adult daughter - they banned the boyfriend for a while because he was rude and disrespectful. I told her she needed to welcome him in and be polite to him so his own bad manners in response would be thrown up in sharp relief, so the girl could see for herself. But now she is caught in the romance of "I love him, even though my parents don't." And the creep plays on this, he's classic nasty passive-aggressive and the girl is trapped in an abusive relationship that she feels she has to defend. She has fought so hard to defend this guy to her parents (who should have said nothing) that she now has painted herself into a corner; she knows as soon as she backs down and send this guy packing, that her mother will say, "I told you so". A very bad situation. Good luck with this one. It can be managed, but you will have to sit on your lips a lot. Be loving, be welcoming, let the boy make his own mistakes and be gracious enough to not point them out too much. You know you have won, when your child's partner tells your child, "Listen to your parents. I do." Marg [/QUOTE]
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Help (today please) for sister of "Rap Boy"
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