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Help (today please) for sister of "Rap Boy"
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 378278" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The legal thing - we had that, too. Since we knew that as usual the law is lagging way behind reality, we chose to ignore the problem ourselves but kept reminding the kids when they were having sex while under age, that they were in breach of the law and to bear this in mind. The main problem was easy child, whose boyfriend was a year older. When they became sexually active she was 15 and he was 16. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was 17, her boyfriend was a few months younger. </p><p>Frankly, easy child was more mature at 15 than her sister was at 17. And we have 'lucked out' - easy child and her boyfriend are now happily married, we love our SIL1.</p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 broke up with her first boyfriend (it was messy but they have resolved their differences) and fell right into the arms of another who was waiting in the wings. He is SIL2 and was the one who moved in with us while their relationship was still new. frankly, he was a pain in the derriere to begin with, a cultural thing ("Westie" - the Aussie/Sydney equivalent of know-it-all redneck). For a while we felt we had another kid to raise, but the raw material there was good stuff and he's now more polished, more sure of himself.</p><p></p><p>I must also stress - SIL1 was also a problem, had a big chip on his shoulder (again, cultural - it's a problem with the city he comes from, a collective social inferiority complex, totally undeserved). He spent time with us, spent time in other cities (easy child devotedly moving from city to city to be with him) and finally moved back to his home city for 18 months (where they married). They couldn't get away from the place fast enough; found the collective chip on the shoulder too hard to live with, once he had shrugged it off for himself.</p><p></p><p>WHat I'm saying - your kids, as teens, are still developing and are often not very nice people yet. Ditto the boyfriends. So be welcoming, be supportive but instead of trying to discipline strongly, use guidance instead. It's time to let them realise truths for themselves; trust me, the home truths will be remembered much better when they discover them personally.</p><p></p><p>We love our kids' spouses.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 378278, member: 1991"] The legal thing - we had that, too. Since we knew that as usual the law is lagging way behind reality, we chose to ignore the problem ourselves but kept reminding the kids when they were having sex while under age, that they were in breach of the law and to bear this in mind. The main problem was easy child, whose boyfriend was a year older. When they became sexually active she was 15 and he was 16. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was 17, her boyfriend was a few months younger. Frankly, easy child was more mature at 15 than her sister was at 17. And we have 'lucked out' - easy child and her boyfriend are now happily married, we love our SIL1. easy child 2/difficult child 2 broke up with her first boyfriend (it was messy but they have resolved their differences) and fell right into the arms of another who was waiting in the wings. He is SIL2 and was the one who moved in with us while their relationship was still new. frankly, he was a pain in the derriere to begin with, a cultural thing ("Westie" - the Aussie/Sydney equivalent of know-it-all redneck). For a while we felt we had another kid to raise, but the raw material there was good stuff and he's now more polished, more sure of himself. I must also stress - SIL1 was also a problem, had a big chip on his shoulder (again, cultural - it's a problem with the city he comes from, a collective social inferiority complex, totally undeserved). He spent time with us, spent time in other cities (easy child devotedly moving from city to city to be with him) and finally moved back to his home city for 18 months (where they married). They couldn't get away from the place fast enough; found the collective chip on the shoulder too hard to live with, once he had shrugged it off for himself. WHat I'm saying - your kids, as teens, are still developing and are often not very nice people yet. Ditto the boyfriends. So be welcoming, be supportive but instead of trying to discipline strongly, use guidance instead. It's time to let them realise truths for themselves; trust me, the home truths will be remembered much better when they discover them personally. We love our kids' spouses. Marg [/QUOTE]
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