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Help - TOO detached? - Do I really continue to do nothing?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 249691" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I'm so sorry you are suffering this way. I had a daughter who shocked me by getting involved in drugs. I can tell you right now...you DON'T have influence over her anymore. She will use you, but she won't listen to you. She's not a horrible person, but she is in a very bad place--one where manipulation and using is par for the course. But listening to parents isn't.</p><p></p><p>My best guess is that your daughter is living in the drug culture, although she isn't telling you about it. That is the #1 reason a once good kid goes wrong. You may be surprised to learn that ADD/ADHD medications are badly abused. My daughter wasn't even ADHD, but she and her "friends" bought stimulants (Adderall is most coveted) put them in pillcrushers and snorted them, either alone or with cocaine. She also did other stuff, and I didn't have a clue until AFTER she quit and told me all the down and dirty details. I am guessing that your daughter has gone that route even if she doesn't say so and won't admit it to you or even if, like me, you don't want to even imagine this could be the problem. She has a rich father. She could be going to school. Instead you are afraid she is selling her body--this would be a huge red flag for drug addiction. Of course, I don't know for sure, but she sure is acting like this is the big issue. It is way beyond just rebelling or just having ADD/ADHD.</p><p>It would be hard to find her incompetent in a court of law. She would have to be psychotic, and she's not. She is also over 18. You can't force her into treatment. Sadly, there really isn't a thing you can do other than to let her know you are there for her if she needs or wants help (and I don't mean $$$, I mean psychiatric help and/or detox). If she is stealing, it is likely to fund a drug habit. There is no way to get through to anyone in this mindset until they decide to change. One thing: You HAVE to take care of yourself. Although there is no verification that your daughter is taking drugs, you may as well go to narc-anon to get great support and help from others who say the fears you have. You will get a lot of support and learn to take care of yourself and your other loved ones, even if your daughter refuses to take care of herself. There is no magic formula to change our grown kids who are out of control. It is entirely in their hands. I learned this the hard way. I offer a happy ending: My daughter got so sick of herself, her "friends" and her lifestyle that she turned her entire life around on her own. I didn't/couldn't get through to her, but something did. There is hope--your daughter is young. If you are asking if it is a good idea to send her money and support, GOD NO! She will NOT spend it to help herself--she will use it in ways you don't even want to imagine. (((Hugs))) and I hope things improve for both of you. I know how hard it is. I was there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 249691, member: 1550"] Hi there. I'm so sorry you are suffering this way. I had a daughter who shocked me by getting involved in drugs. I can tell you right now...you DON'T have influence over her anymore. She will use you, but she won't listen to you. She's not a horrible person, but she is in a very bad place--one where manipulation and using is par for the course. But listening to parents isn't. My best guess is that your daughter is living in the drug culture, although she isn't telling you about it. That is the #1 reason a once good kid goes wrong. You may be surprised to learn that ADD/ADHD medications are badly abused. My daughter wasn't even ADHD, but she and her "friends" bought stimulants (Adderall is most coveted) put them in pillcrushers and snorted them, either alone or with cocaine. She also did other stuff, and I didn't have a clue until AFTER she quit and told me all the down and dirty details. I am guessing that your daughter has gone that route even if she doesn't say so and won't admit it to you or even if, like me, you don't want to even imagine this could be the problem. She has a rich father. She could be going to school. Instead you are afraid she is selling her body--this would be a huge red flag for drug addiction. Of course, I don't know for sure, but she sure is acting like this is the big issue. It is way beyond just rebelling or just having ADD/ADHD. It would be hard to find her incompetent in a court of law. She would have to be psychotic, and she's not. She is also over 18. You can't force her into treatment. Sadly, there really isn't a thing you can do other than to let her know you are there for her if she needs or wants help (and I don't mean $$$, I mean psychiatric help and/or detox). If she is stealing, it is likely to fund a drug habit. There is no way to get through to anyone in this mindset until they decide to change. One thing: You HAVE to take care of yourself. Although there is no verification that your daughter is taking drugs, you may as well go to narc-anon to get great support and help from others who say the fears you have. You will get a lot of support and learn to take care of yourself and your other loved ones, even if your daughter refuses to take care of herself. There is no magic formula to change our grown kids who are out of control. It is entirely in their hands. I learned this the hard way. I offer a happy ending: My daughter got so sick of herself, her "friends" and her lifestyle that she turned her entire life around on her own. I didn't/couldn't get through to her, but something did. There is hope--your daughter is young. If you are asking if it is a good idea to send her money and support, GOD NO! She will NOT spend it to help herself--she will use it in ways you don't even want to imagine. (((Hugs))) and I hope things improve for both of you. I know how hard it is. I was there. [/QUOTE]
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