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Help - TOO detached? - Do I really continue to do nothing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 249716" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Wow. Rhonda your post really tugged at my heart.</p><p> </p><p>When you're on the phone with her have you ever tried saying:</p><p> </p><p>"Dear, would you like to come home and start over?" in calm soft voice.</p><p> </p><p>I may be way off base. But the type of behavior you're discribing (other than the stealing) reminds me of me when I was that age. I dunno if she's into the drug scene or not. But suddenly going over the edge in behavior doesn't always mean a kid is into drugs. I wasn't, nor had any desire to be.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child sounds lost.</p><p> </p><p>She's been lost for a year. Maybe now she is ready to take your hand but too stubborn or ashamed to ask.</p><p> </p><p>Like I said, I could be dead wrong. But most kids, including difficult children, would rather their mothers not have any knowledge of they're difficult child behavior. Maybe it's that she keeps telling you things that make your jaw drop that makes me feel like she's actually crying out for help. She can't stop herself, so maybe if she tells you all the awful stuff she's been doing, you'll find a way to help her stop.</p><p> </p><p>Of course I'm not saying you should ask her to come home. That's something you have to decide on, according to what is best for you and what you think is best for her. You can't make her get help, she has to want it. But if you're feeling "too detached" you could throw her a life line and let her know you're willing to work with her if she does want help.</p><p> </p><p>Could be that I'm becoming a softy. I'm also wondering if I'm being too detached with K and the grands. True, she made her choices. But don't tell that to me when I'm feeling mighty guilty over eating a steak dinner with husband as a rare treat. I found it very hard to chew and swallow. So I'm struggling too with where to draw that line. How much is helping and how much is enabling? GAWD!</p><p> </p><p>You've got a good head on your shoulders Rhonda. But you have to do what you think is right. In the end, you've got to be able to live with yourself. I don't think you'll walk into a situation with blinders on. You seem to have difficult child pretty well pegged.</p><p> </p><p>Of course with difficult child's life supposedly being all wonderful, she may not want any help, which would end it as then you have no other choice but to detach.</p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 249716, member: 84"] Wow. Rhonda your post really tugged at my heart. When you're on the phone with her have you ever tried saying: "Dear, would you like to come home and start over?" in calm soft voice. I may be way off base. But the type of behavior you're discribing (other than the stealing) reminds me of me when I was that age. I dunno if she's into the drug scene or not. But suddenly going over the edge in behavior doesn't always mean a kid is into drugs. I wasn't, nor had any desire to be. difficult child sounds lost. She's been lost for a year. Maybe now she is ready to take your hand but too stubborn or ashamed to ask. Like I said, I could be dead wrong. But most kids, including difficult children, would rather their mothers not have any knowledge of they're difficult child behavior. Maybe it's that she keeps telling you things that make your jaw drop that makes me feel like she's actually crying out for help. She can't stop herself, so maybe if she tells you all the awful stuff she's been doing, you'll find a way to help her stop. Of course I'm not saying you should ask her to come home. That's something you have to decide on, according to what is best for you and what you think is best for her. You can't make her get help, she has to want it. But if you're feeling "too detached" you could throw her a life line and let her know you're willing to work with her if she does want help. Could be that I'm becoming a softy. I'm also wondering if I'm being too detached with K and the grands. True, she made her choices. But don't tell that to me when I'm feeling mighty guilty over eating a steak dinner with husband as a rare treat. I found it very hard to chew and swallow. So I'm struggling too with where to draw that line. How much is helping and how much is enabling? GAWD! You've got a good head on your shoulders Rhonda. But you have to do what you think is right. In the end, you've got to be able to live with yourself. I don't think you'll walk into a situation with blinders on. You seem to have difficult child pretty well pegged. Of course with difficult child's life supposedly being all wonderful, she may not want any help, which would end it as then you have no other choice but to detach. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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Help - TOO detached? - Do I really continue to do nothing?
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