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Help - TOO detached? - Do I really continue to do nothing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Rhonda" data-source="post: 249961" data-attributes="member: 6732"><p>Thanks again all! It helps so much to have everyone give their opinion. Even when you know so much of it, you still wonder if you are thinking right anymore.</p><p> </p><p>I do feel guilt "sometimes" but it is because I tried and could not make a difference and I am one of those who just thinks if you had done the right thing or found the right influence maybe...just maybe things would be different.. but it is too late she is gone and I will move on.. it is still just really fresh for me...</p><p> </p><p>The hard part is that, unlike many who's kids selfishly want something (emotions, money, a car, food, help in some form) from parents, mine wants nothing from me. She has vanished from my life. She does not miss her life, she does not want anything, except to do what she wants, without having to see the pain in my eyes that will make her feel bad about what she is doing. She is polite and loving on the phone but non-commital. She only contacts me when she needs a telephone number that she has lost. Other than that I never hear from her unless I call her. I truly believe that if I don't keep in touch with her that I will never hear from or see her again, no matter how bad things get for her. It is not that she doesn't love, it is that she loves and can't stand the pain she causes. She truly thinks she is being altruistic by staying away and dealing with all of her choices alone, no matter how much trouble they get her in. She would go to prison and never tell me, never ask for help or a lawyer. She could be sick, really badly sick, and I would never know. These are the things that hurt and cause so much guilt because I could not make a difference. I saw it all coming, knew it, and did all I could and it made no difference at all....</p><p> </p><p>She has been to many doctors, we know what causes her behavior, we know what to do to help her, but she is 18 and she will not follow the path to get better. She will not admit the extent of her needs, so she ignores it and runs from trouble that she gets herself in. I almost wish it were just drugs and she were nearby so that I could invite her to a family event.. but it is so much more and she is gone... </p><p> </p><p>Last night she told me that she is in the process of getting another identity from some friends so that she can run from the police, since there is a warrant out for her. She is moving to Nashville... I won't even know her name... what do you do about that... how do you write off your only child and just hope she shows back up someday. I know it will get better. I know it will hurt less at some point. But doing this alone is really hard and I am so thankful that I have all of you out here. You keep me sane. There are times I am so glad I dont have another child and then rest of the time I would give anything to have one so that this one would not dominate my heart.</p><p> </p><p>Love to you all... and thanks again... almost through another weekend.. and then I will dress up and make it all OK again.. until it isn't. rhonda</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rhonda, post: 249961, member: 6732"] Thanks again all! It helps so much to have everyone give their opinion. Even when you know so much of it, you still wonder if you are thinking right anymore. I do feel guilt "sometimes" but it is because I tried and could not make a difference and I am one of those who just thinks if you had done the right thing or found the right influence maybe...just maybe things would be different.. but it is too late she is gone and I will move on.. it is still just really fresh for me... The hard part is that, unlike many who's kids selfishly want something (emotions, money, a car, food, help in some form) from parents, mine wants nothing from me. She has vanished from my life. She does not miss her life, she does not want anything, except to do what she wants, without having to see the pain in my eyes that will make her feel bad about what she is doing. She is polite and loving on the phone but non-commital. She only contacts me when she needs a telephone number that she has lost. Other than that I never hear from her unless I call her. I truly believe that if I don't keep in touch with her that I will never hear from or see her again, no matter how bad things get for her. It is not that she doesn't love, it is that she loves and can't stand the pain she causes. She truly thinks she is being altruistic by staying away and dealing with all of her choices alone, no matter how much trouble they get her in. She would go to prison and never tell me, never ask for help or a lawyer. She could be sick, really badly sick, and I would never know. These are the things that hurt and cause so much guilt because I could not make a difference. I saw it all coming, knew it, and did all I could and it made no difference at all.... She has been to many doctors, we know what causes her behavior, we know what to do to help her, but she is 18 and she will not follow the path to get better. She will not admit the extent of her needs, so she ignores it and runs from trouble that she gets herself in. I almost wish it were just drugs and she were nearby so that I could invite her to a family event.. but it is so much more and she is gone... Last night she told me that she is in the process of getting another identity from some friends so that she can run from the police, since there is a warrant out for her. She is moving to Nashville... I won't even know her name... what do you do about that... how do you write off your only child and just hope she shows back up someday. I know it will get better. I know it will hurt less at some point. But doing this alone is really hard and I am so thankful that I have all of you out here. You keep me sane. There are times I am so glad I dont have another child and then rest of the time I would give anything to have one so that this one would not dominate my heart. Love to you all... and thanks again... almost through another weekend.. and then I will dress up and make it all OK again.. until it isn't. rhonda [/QUOTE]
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